Paleo Diet: Raw Paleo Diet and Lifestyle Forum
Members' Journals => Journals => Topic started by: KD on March 07, 2010, 04:15:07 am
-
I wasn't sure I was going to go back to 100% RAF but I'm now on Day 10 , and figured I should start a journal at least for my own personal benefit regarding symptoms and such.
I've done RAF before and most currently have been on a diet of meats (mostly cooked, some raw) with raw, cooked, and cultured vegetables and other fats for 5-6 weeks. I've been back eating raw butter for over 2 weeks. I have history of various illness both mild and severe but most currently have been dealing with very low energy, tiredness in the eyes, and some concentration issues which I assumed to be candida related, esp based on prior illness. I started the eating regime and taking threelac probiotics (which I have mixed feelings about) but I seemed to be doing somewhat better than I was, and over the last week or so, even more improvement in regards to energy etc...but still probably far below 'normal'. I assume at this point I'm in at least a mild ketosis, but due to the candida issue I'm wary of backtracking on my progress by any raw carbs. I did try some unheated honey, but am going to go a few more days before eatng it again to determine if its problematic. I don't have any digestive issues that I'm aware of.
Through this time I've still manged to work out 3-5 days a week, and feel good doing that, but often as soon as I eat my energy seems to drop throughout the day. raw has diminished this somewhat.
I've also been losing weight and this was a serious problem last time I did RAF, although In the last week and a half I'm eating more calorically speaking then ever probably, and perhaps havn't lost much more (at least numerically, hard to say because my elimnation hasn't been the best)
I don't log what I eat daily, but this is what has been used up this week
3 lbs pastured butter - 9600 cal
1.2 lbs suet - 4500 cal
< 2X dozen eggs minus some whites : ~1500 cal
avocado 2-3: 600 cal
1 lb beef or lamb x 7 days = ~7000 cal
vegetable juice and occasional cabbage kraut - ~800-1000 cal
on total that works out to 3445 cal/day, which I think for 6 ft./165 lbs should yield some pretty steady gain. Its really not possible for me to eat much more comfortably.
I'm a bit disappointed with the availability of quality animal foods, but at the same time, doing a good job of not being so fearful of less than optimal foods
Usually the number of WF near me has some availability of fairly inexpensive grass fed cuts, but some weeks they don't stock much or possibly sells out or something. Unfortunately for me these happen to be the weeks I've been back on 100% raw, and have been eating New Zealand lamb and grass fed ground beef. The suet this week was also from WF and unmarked so I assume it was at least partially grain-fed. I mostly got it just to make sure it was a viable/digestible fat for me before possibly ordering from another supplier, but it did seem to work and although it was so cheap I could have easily just disposed of it, I enjoyed it enough to add it to all my meals.
I've been trying to get in touch with local farms, and it seems like there are a few who are actually pasturing their meat 100% when possible and abstain from all grain feed for a winter feed of various hays and grasses. Unfortunately for whatever reasons its still impossible to obtain a fresh unfrozen product. Today I went out of my way to go to a farmers market that had a few farms I wasn't able to contact, but the situation was the same. I did buy a few lbs of frozen beef, frozen liver, and frozen pig suet. I've had raw pork before, but as of now, I'm only currently defrosting the other two :)
I'm really both flexible and weary when it comes to any absolutes about diet and healing, and am glad that although people have their own beliefs and experiences, that multiple approaches and ideas are being embraced within such a small group.
-
The other options in my area are fresh local seafoods, which sounds good in theory, but I personally don't think Atlantic seafood is very tasty raw. I ate a ton of raw cod last year and the thought of it makes me a little squeamish, same with scallops, and can't figure out how to open bivalves without endangering myself. The more colorful fish like tuna and salmon are great of course, but not local + expensive. even the local caught stuff is more expensive than grass fed beef anyway.
Also worth journaling is I'm in a relationship, and that makes RAF somewhat tricky. although I havn't really been in a restaurant friendly diet for many years, so there isn't much difference other than the general stigma and requirement to be near my house at least daily. I did try for awhile to take her out places where I could get some decent wild caught fish, or some kind of non-gluten grains and vegetables, but that ended 6 weeks ago when I cut of all grains again. She doesn't really even understand that part, and is always offering me stuff that she knows I don't eat. I try to do what I can to be open to her and make things less awkward or just be generous like making her stuff she likes to eat and so forth and go without eating, but I don't feel comfortable eating in front of her yet. I've always had trouble with that, and last year living in an apartment with SAD eaters I ate 100% of my meals outside, often rather eating RAF in public than with people I knew.
I decided to take her to a sushi place on Thursday hopefully as a nice surprise, and feel like I made a good decision even though I think restaurant sashimi is crap food.
I stuck with the Tunas and Mackerel hoping these would be at least wild caught and indeed raw, and brought some butter so I could feel more satiated. I had already pretty much had 'dinner' anyway. She's just incorporating fish into her veg diet, so I think it was really fun for her. Well, I guess that is one step in the right direction :/
-
Latest pic. My 'muscles' have been shrinking in size along with my weight loss, maybe a visible 10 lbs in 2 mo (not all RAF - see above). Although I would be content with keeping this build if my other health issues resolved, my ideal would be to have a bit more size and more vascular.
-
So the last few days I've been eating the local frozen pastured stuff I got, quite a bit of liver, some marrow and a really fatty shank. The fat was interspersed throughout the muscle, which I've never seen in the bone-in cuts I've gotten from WF. It was hard to cut up, and the fat around the edge was almost impossible to eat in some places. Other than that I seemed to have no problems digesting the frozen meat thus far. The liver certainly isn't something I'd like to eat on its own, its fine as a mix I suppose but looking forward to it being finished :). had over 1 lb already
Last night I popped some more HCL tabs (2), which I've been experimenting with even though the original 'test' showed my levels to be fine. boy this was a mistake, I had terrible heartburn, which I can't remember having in many years, perhaps this had to do with popping them after I started eating? who knows but just a warning for folks taking them not to take too much I suppose.
As for other symptoms, I've had some phlegm and some soreness/gross tasting feeling in my throat/tongue. My tongue doesn't look too bad overall in terms of coating, especially since I'm still pretty confident I'm dealing with candida issues. I ate 2 kiwis today, and other than some cut papaya I ate last week was the first fruits/non-green carbs I've had in 5-6 weeks. I did have some ear itchyness this evening, which very well could be due to the kiwis, but I've been getting it on an off over while doing VLC anyway so who knows. As I already mentioned, according to conventional carb intake, I should be in at least a mild ketosis, and I don't know how I feel about that. My urin is very bubbly but not necessarily dark, sometimes its almost clear + bubbly. on the plus side as soon as I ate the two small fruits it triggered a bowel movement, which was good because my elimination has been slow, no pain or discomfort, but especially since I'm still taking the probiotics, I get more concerned about less than regular movements. As for those, I doubt they are really doing much good with my current diet, and thinking of just mega-dosing on the rest just to see what happens. I got a 60 day supply (threelac) and they suggest not doing this, but some people build up to taking 3 or more. I think I've been on it over 5 weeks but take 2/day sometimes, and was thinking of doing 2 days of 5, and then taking the rest again daily for a few days.
Still more frustration with my markets, went to WF today and had to get more New Zealand Lamb as there was no GF cuts. I'll probably start eating more fish again.
very thankful for the sun! I try to spend as many hours in the high sun this time of year, and when summer hits I don't have to worry about burning and such. Last summer I got very little sun, and didn't have the cash to go anywhere sunny this winter so I'm probably vitD defficient.
The sun is also a great detoxifier, I've noticed some mild headaches and such just last couple of days. As for other detox, In additon to the mouth/gross situation other detox symptoms of note have been tooth pain (no single tooth, seems to shift around the mouth) which in the past has been common with detox and also internal gasses, so it could also be due to poor elimination.
still havn't defrosted the pig suet, going to wait till other symptoms go away before troubleshooting how it works for me.
-
Went out to dinner again with the GF, I'm trying not to be too rigid this time around with being 100% raw but abstained from eating. I'm weary of doing anything that upsets my candida issue, or whatever situation that seems to be significantly improving going without any carbs - other than the veggie juice in the mornings. It was a thai place and I know from experience that their particular seafood is poor quality and cooked with all kinds of crap, seafood being the only thing I might consider getting in a restaurant these days - even before I started doing all raw again. Hopefully at some point I can handle some cooked starch from time to time if necessary.
eating somewhat less this week it seems, less butter and no suet in the last 4 days or so but ate that lb or more of liver, marrow, and some fattier meat. I havn't crunched any numbers, but I imagine this can be around 500 cal difference per day. Luckily this hasn't manifested in any weight loss. I've actually been gaining numerically already, but I suspect its somewhat skewed by my infrequent elimination. Still no pains or bloating or such, but perhaps there is some way to shift my intake to yield 'better' results, althrough from what I gather my 'schedule' seems pretty average just consuming meat and fats. The probiotics I take might also factor in negatively with this, and havn't determined what I'll do with the remainder. I'm fermenting a cracked egg in a small Ball jar in the fridge, after 5 days its already pretty smelly, so that can be my probiotic in 6 weeks.
got out on the bike today, afterwards was the first time in awhile I've had some cravings for sweet juicy things. Lifting doesn't seem to have this effect so it could be due to hydration. I feel somewhat deyhdrated sometimes but it is not severe, my lips stay pink and smooth unlike in the past doing Primal where I got really dry/chapped lips. I drink a few glasses of tap mixed with mineral water a day in addition to the veg juice in the morning, and eat alot of the butter, seems to work ok, drinking more water doesn't seem to help much, so we'll see what happens. some tooth/bone pains have gone away for the time being, which furthers my suspicions based on past detox, as signs of gasses and such shifting in the body. My teeth if anything look whiter already :)
-
I mentioned in another thread a detox triggered by fish/light eating
http://www.rawpaleoforum.com/carnivorous-zero-carb-approach/digestion/msg31651/#msg31651
I thought I was already recuperating when I wrote this but I ended up with a most massive throbbing headache last evening. I've been doing raw/various detox for 4 years, and I still have no tolerance for headaches. The night prior when symptoms were already starting, I had to move a bunch of crap and dropped a 200 lb object on my finger and it literally just burst open (it already has healed fairly well) but regardless I would rather experience that 1000 times over than a debilitating head throb every half a second that doesn't end until I'm lucky enough to fall alseep.
Other than the discomfort, I'm somewhat concerned, because as I've mentioned in my intro thread I'm still taking a pharmaceutical which I can't afford to leech from my system right now. For awhile I was back consuming some cooked foods to slow down detox, but then I ran into the suspected candida issues, then turned to just cooked meats and vegetables along with the raw foods, but that didn't work well for me either. So now I'm sorta at a loss on how to keep my system strait doing 100% raw or some healthful variation. I figured just taking the medicine would hamper serious detox quite a bit, but judging by the headaches and also occasional heart palpitations (which other than anxiety which I thankfully don't have, is usual drug residue coursing through the body) and other symptoms this is not the case.
on the plus side my elimination has been far better, having very full and dense movements without effort.
I also finally caught a day when WF had fresh grass-fed cuts and stocked up. I think abstaining from fish and chicken for awhile is still the smart move.
Still unsure about the low carbs/ketosis thing. still just consuming the one small veg juice in the mornings, which is probably what like 15g carbs? and some lemon juice in water.
-
Well, I seem to be running into the same issues as last time with RAF, mainly weight loss and dehydration. On the latter, I usually do consume alot less water doing the diet, but even when I increasing my water intake: mineral, filtered, lemon water etc...it doesn't seem to make much a difference. This has been exacerbated this week by lots of physical activity doing moving work where I having been going long periods without eating. I know in AV world that fats are supposed to be hydrating and eaten often, and other things like tomatoes and cucumbers and juices such which for me are way too expensive to use in such a fashion. I still do a regular 16 oz or so juice in the AM. my lips today are not chapped but are like bright red/inflamed which I think is probably worse?
ever since a week ago when I started doing seafood again and ran into some kind of digestive issues, whether it be detox or something else, I havn't been able to eat very much, and thats starting to get really troubling for me as this same pattern happened last year. I seem to be able to drop weight faster eating animal foods than any other low cal diet if I am not on top of my eating and not gaining unless I'm eating more than I care for. It hard to figure with water weight and any colon back up or whatever but I started at around 165, and with the diet in the original post within 2 weeks I was showing at around 170 and now its down to 160, and it definitely shows visibly.
I actually injured my abdominal muscle on sat after the digestive issues started, and since then still have pain in that area and its hard to tell what is what, I've had some foul smelling gas and occasional other digestive gurgles and such which are very rare for me to have on any diet. Doing the physical lifting the last few days has been a bitch.
My GF and I might plan some sort of trip next week and I have no idea how that could possibly go down, I'm getting really neurotic about this stuff and worried about reversing the progress I'm made re:candida protocol even though my prior diet was pretty limited as was. as far as travel goes.
I was talking to another RAFer about honey and how it gave me symptoms, and he pulled the whole "Candida is there because of the toxicity, it is beneficial" spiel which I'm aware of, but that still doesn't mean one can eat a bunch of sugar that feeds overgrowth. I've had major improvement regarding energy, that adding honey, fruits or cooked starches would seem to put me right back where I was only 10 lbs lighter :/ . So i'm pretty frustrated I suppose.
-
KD; I'm 6'-3" and began eating RAF at ~180 pounds. I dropped down to 170 pounds not long into RAF. For me this seems a natural setpoint when eating right even though it is a bit low in bodyfat stores IMO. Maybe 160 is just your body's setpoint?
When eating food I was allergic to, as well as when eating carbs but avoiding allergens, my body would retain water. I'm assuming this was to protect itself but it adds false weight on the scale as well.
How is your energy doing? If it's good, and you don't have other issues cropping up, I wouldn't worry. As you continue strength training you'll naturally add bulk back onto your frame.
FWIW, I too just went through a pretty vicious stomach bug which took over a week to resolve itself. At the worst of it I had dozens of bowel movements a day. Felt like hell going through it but I feel great now. I'm still not sure if it was a virus or salmonella (we've got turtles and don't bother to wash with soap after handling) but it lets me know I'm not invincible to getting sick, just have a better immune system which will temper the severity. :)
-
well, sure there is some truth to that as my body has always been natural thin, and has taken some effort to manipulate my weight and put on muscle. At the same time there is some minimum I need to eat in order to stay stable, and even that - especially this week when not feeling great - takes effort. Last spring on RAF I continued to lose, probably getting down to around 145 or something. And recognize the bulk of the weight and muscle I've put on since this last experiment is toxic, even for the most part I was eating clean cooked foods. I've just gone through this up and down that its frustrating, although as I said somewhere here I think that I'd rather sacrifice my vanity and be thinner or less fit if that meant health and energy.
Energy wise, yeah I've been able to work long hard physical days without any food till evenings and getting up way earlier of course, which is considerable from just a few weeks ago and a huge step from where I was 6 months ago.
----
Other news I dug into that pastured pork suet. Its much different than the harder more crystalline suet (at least that I have gotten) from beef. This is more creamy - but a little stranger/less enjoyable taste - than muscle meat fat. Sill a littlr sketched by it, but eating butter and muscle meat is not even getting me over the 2000 mark these days and really need a cheaper animal fat source.
another frustrating shopping trip. no grass-fed cuts, so got a more expensive NZ cut than usual as the shanks are starting to make me wretch. I also got some buffalo which tastes great but is almost 3x the expense at $16/lb so just got enough for tonight.
I also had a little cut papaya from WF as an experiment, and I'm also trying to figure out what to do about this dehydration in addition to adding carbs somehow. The weight loss I gather might have to do with the ketosis in some fashion.
-
Have you ever thought about dropping all vegetation or limiting it to just a few servings a week? Some people do notice a difference between vvlc and carnivore.
-
Have you ever thought about dropping all vegetation or limiting it to just a few servings a week? Some people do notice a difference between vvlc and carnivore.
Honestly, my thoughts have been the reverse, esp regarding the hydration, but I'm aware of this phenomena. I dunno, energy wise there is improvement, mostly problems just in the dehydration and trouble sometimes getting enough to eat or assimilating. What were you thinking specifically this would shift?
I'm not really doing any whole vegetable matter at all, a handful of fruits in over 2months and some nuts or sauerkraut here and there.
-
Yea, it might not matter much and you could easily be better suited going higher with your carb intake. I'm not sure I recall many members doing well with vegetable juice though. As for going carnivore, and as uninteresting as that sounds, having the body adapt to processing just one source of nutrition may help streamline it. A few members here do poorly even with small amounts of vegetation. Vegetation requires different kinds and amounts of bacteria to process optimally as well as different digestive juices. Basically, going carnivore could help you adapt to processing nutrition in a more efficient manner.
-
I think I was overacting about the weight. My scale seems to be pretty arbitrary depending on how you stand on it, and its back reading around 165. Especially when I'm actually working out, everything looks fine and certainly not underweight. Although I did have almost an entire week of consuming well under 2000 cal, which needs to be avoided, so i'm trying to working things out without feeling forced to eat.
still having trouble with my WFs stocking GF meat. although they managed to stock a much cheaper cut of buffalo than usual, which I tend to enjoy more and is just like 2 bucks more than the cheapest GF cuts. Still eating with the pork suet and the raw butter. Occasionally I get some minor indigestion. It doesn't happen always so I don't know if it has to do with the pork, or not chewing enough or what. I got some great wild stripped bass that I also enjoyed, and some frozen stew meat that I bought from a farmer along with a heart and tongue.
not too much else to report, working on my lex box tonight and hoping to get that started in the next couple of days. I have this massive heart (3.5 lb) that I'm probably going to make mostly into jerky and save maybe half a lb for eating. and probably make buffalo as the cut is much longer than most gf cuts I can get if I can even get them. Still iffy on what to do with the tongue, because that is like 2.5 lbs. I guess its too fatty to put in the jerky box, but there is no way i'll be able to eat it up within a few days.
the only symptoms to report are slight increase in energy (being able to do all the physical work this week with ease), more bowel movements (some on the liquidy side), some stomach ills that feel more like muscle pulls (on top of the pulled abdomen that I did have from moving), and continued bubbly urine.
I'd really like to hear more on the last and whether this does indeed have to do with excess protein because from my basic calculations I'm eating alot of fat in contrast to muscle meat. In the epileptic thread Lex recommends 5 oz butter (if using butter) along with muscle meat for high ketogenic. I eat probably around that or more plus the pork suet and 4-6 eggs. and no more than the lb of muscle meat per day. I guess I should just go run the figures somewhere...
-
the only symptoms to report are slight increase in energy (being able to do all the physical work this week with ease), more bowel movements (some on the liquidy side), some stomach ills that feel more like muscle pulls (on top of the pulled abdomen that I did have from moving), and continued bubbly urine.
Bubbles? Foam? Protein in your urine? Will you test it or have you? It might be fine, I'm just asking. Sorry if I missed reading something in your journal here and am asking an obsolete question.
-
Still iffy on what to do with the tongue, because that is like 2.5 lbs. I guess its too fatty to put in the jerky box, but there is no way i'll be able to eat it up within a few days.
You can dehydrate a tongue but you need to know it'll still be highly perishable. I haven't done it in a Lex box either so I don't know how it'll work out. When I do it my Excalibur it dries out some and has a similar texture & mouth-feel to a thick slab of undercooked bacon.
The tongue is also graduated in it's fattiness. The back of the tongue is very fatty, the very tip is almost all lean. You could conceivably dry the front 1/3 of the tongue and have it keep well.
FWIW the tongue is so fatty and delicious that I make it a whole meal after it's warmed up in the dehydrator for a few hours. A 2 1/2 pound tongue should fill you up for the day IMO.
-
Rawzi, this is more conversation than concern yet, as I've read here in there in other blogs about bubbly urine. I havn't done any research myself (or even thoguht about tests yet) but someone pointed out they thought it had to do with excess protein. My understanding is SAD eaters almost always have bubbly urine that is also dark whereas vegans and others pride themselves on their clean water like elimination. I don't know if it has to do with excess protein intake or if it is more an indicator of older detox elimination/ketones, but even when my urine is clear it is very bubbly, and much more so than on any other diet.
djr: thanks, I probably will dry at least the front of the tougue. Just out of curiosity, what would you consider to be highly perishable, would you mean the same as if it was not dried, like within the week? If I could get it to last 2 weeks or so that would probably be enough, but who knows I might be able to consume the whole thing in a few days. BTW do you wash off the vacuum pack gunk before drying, or just consuming? thanks.
-
Bubbles? Foam? Protein in your urine? Will you test it or have you? It might be fine, I'm just asking. Sorry if I missed reading something in your journal here and am asking an obsolete question.
I think they mean foam in the water in the toilet bowl. If there are bubbles in the stream, that implies gas under pressure, and there should be no such thing.
Amino acids (not protein) in piss should be normal for those who eat too high a proportion of meat:fat.
-
Amino acids (not protein) in piss should be normal for those who eat too high a proportion of meat:fat.
Could be.
Rawzi, this is more conversation than concern yet, as I've read here in there in other blogs about bubbly urine. I havn't done any research myself (or even thoguht about tests yet) but someone pointed out they thought it had to do with excess protein. My understanding is SAD eaters almost always have bubbly urine that is also dark whereas vegans and others pride themselves on their clean water like elimination. I don't know if it has to do with excess protein intake or if it is more an indicator of older detox elimination/ketones, but even when my urine is clear it is very bubbly, and much more so than on any other diet.
There's a South American old wives tale, that you can tell that a woman is pregnant, by finding she has bubbles on her urine. So, now I'm thinking, as a pregnant woman's organs are stressed by functioning for her baby/ies in addition to herself and/or the babies/y pressing on her organs, maybe a SAD diet causes bubbles for stress reasons too. I'm not saying stress is bad, just that it exists. People get foamy urine with kidney disease where I believe their own proteins are breaking down. This of course can happen with fasting too, or certain medications.
-
hmm, well, yes I mean bubbly foam in the toilet.
William, that seems to be consistent with what I've read here, but My ratio seems higher than many who at least do not report the problem. Since you do ZC, are you saying this has nothing to do with ketosis and that your urine is clear?
Rawzi: I have to be particularly careful with my kidney's so perhaps even less than normal protein is warranted? I suspect as with fasting it has to do with ketones and other crap breaking down, and not soley on intake.
-
Rawzi: I have to be particullary careful with my kidney's so perhaps even less than normal protein is warranted?
I think raw animal protein is good for the kidneys, nourishing. If you haven't tried eating kidneys, maybe you should try them. They have a lot of good amino acids. I'm thinking that either fermenting your meat more before you eat it might help your kidney health. Aajonus has told some people to eat raw mushrooms with their raw meat sometimes, that it helps with the protein digestion. Maybe there's a mushroom that's particularly good for your kidneys. You and William could be right too, maybe less dietary protein is indicated for you. I couldn't say though, as I don't know that. I know I generally feel better when I stick with higher fat rather than higher protein. The few bubbles you get now may be perfect. I believe a little stress is required for good physical health, if stress is what causes it or causes anything else.
-
djr: thanks, I probably will dry at least the front of the tougue. Just out of curiosity, what would you consider to be highly perishable, would you mean the same as if it was not dried, like within the week? If I could get it to last 2 weeks or so that would probably be enough, but who knows I might be able to consume the whole thing in a few days. BTW do you wash off the vacuum pack gunk before drying, or just consuming? thanks.
It'll last at least a week either way. 2 weeks is pushing it if you want it to taste fresh but it should still be edible either way after two weeks. It's just got more fat to it so it changes flavor and smell faster than a leaner meat.
The perishability refers to try shelf-life without overt changes, such as a really dry jerky made from leaner meats which will quite happily sit for months before you eat it and you won't notice a difference. You're not trying to do this with the tongue so I wouldn't worry about it.
Sometimes I wash the meat off and sometimes I leave it alone. I usually rinse it though if I'm drying the meat...I guess out of habit? If it's from Slankers I recommend washing before drying it; I've had a lot of tongues which had loose hairs on them and while it doesn't bother me to find a hair in my food anymore I'm not intentionally eating them either. ;D
-
Finally got around to doing detailed calcs on my macronutrient percentage and so forth.
generally I seem to be around 18:04:78 p:c:f 129 g protein, 33 g carbs and 268 g fat, around 3000 cal.
to me, this isn't a particularly high amount of protein as quantity or percentage , so I still don't know what to make of the foamy urine.
this week I tried some more primal stuff, juicing carrots daily along with the celery and herbs I've been doing solo, and I had 1 piece of fruit a few days with fats so that put me at around 75% fat. I started with the bits of cheese before meals as a supposed pre meal digestive cleaning. I tried to do more than 1 juice a day but find it to be impractical, time wise and also I feel like I am micromanaging my day and don't seem to get much done other than eating and exercise and internet in between. I added more eggs to my juice (4 instead of 2), which seems to activate some kind of intestinal distress or 'cleaning'.
In general, it seems the higher amounts of carbs caused more fatigue than any benefit to being out of deeper ketosis that I had hoped, but I think I'll continue with the small amount of fruit at least.
--
I successfully dried some meat with the lex box. I had to modify a few things - some last minute after I had already cut the meat, which was stressful. FYI it doesn't seem that work lights are sold with a capacity for 100 watt or 150 watt bulbs anymore, I tried all kinds of hardware and automotive places and had to weight down a unshielded base of a clamp light held horizontally 1 inch off the ground. I also got thin, too short skewers which I tried first to reinforce and lengthen and even tape with electrical tape to the box structure, but they broke while in the box, so I built an X-type structure with these 15+ (too long) skewers on top and layed them out horizontally. With all the issues, I never ended up being able to defrost the heart and tongue that I had, which was basically the whole reason I wanted to dry stuff to begin with. ah well, at least I know it works, and I have a few lb of dried meat if needed. I would at least like to try the pemmican, but at this time only have access to pork fat now, which apparently is not great for these purposes. Does anyone kow if you have to air-pack the jerky like the pemmican?
-
Does anyone kow if you have to air-pack the jerky like the pemmican?
I don't think so. While my jerky doesn't stay unused long, I once dried (sun & wind) a fresh-caught salmon, and kept it in a paper bag on the shelf under the rear window of my car.
It was good for months. Jerky should last for at least as long, if it is thoroughly dried, and fat-free.
-
Finally got around to doing detailed calcs on my macronutrient percentage and so forth.
generally I seem to be around 18:04:78 p:c:f 129 g protein, 33 g carbs and 268 g fat, around 3000 cal.
to me, this isn't a particularly high amount of protein as quantity or percentage , so I still don't know what to make of the foamy urine.
Even though the percentage is relatively low, the amount is still likely high enough that you are converting 40+ grams of amino acids every day to glucose. Even when energy usage is higher than normal, the amount of protein the body uses for repair is not going to increase incrementally as does need for energy. For instance, if you were to expend 10k calories today. Your body certainly would not need 500g of protein (20% of energy). It would certainly need more than its normal days but I would guess even under these extreme circumstances it still would not need that much more.
-
thanks, this makes sense, although it still doesn't strike me that 3000 cal is a particularly high amount of energy that would distort the relationship. As for going to 90g protein, this would mean cutting down to around 2/3 lb of lean a day (with the eggs and juice contributing to the rest). I'm not arguing and interested to hear your personal low protein experiments, it just seems to me that my intake is average or low for this type of diet, not speaking of ideals.
-
I don't think so. While my jerky doesn't stay unused long, I once dried (sun & wind) a fresh-caught salmon, and kept it in a paper bag on the shelf under the rear window of my car.
It was good for months. Jerky should last for at least as long, if it is thoroughly dried, and fat-free.
thanks, into the paper bag it goes.
-
Yea, glad to hear you are interested in my low-protein experiment. I am extremely interested myself! I hope you don't take it as advice. Even if you did, thats fine. My guess right now, to get more into specific amounts, is that there is an amount of protein for days of no activity, call it X, that will lead to better health in the long run. For days of moderate activity (20% more energy usage), protein requirement might be 1.1X. For Strenuous activity (50% more energy usage), protein requirement might be 1.15X. So the more activity the lesser percentage of calories will come from protein.
-
feeling pretty discouraged as my fatigue, eye tiredness, ear itchyness has gotten worse daily even since I stopped the small amounts of fruit and carrot juice I had added in.
someone reminded me that according to an unmentioned guru, that those with candida, should do better to focus on raw white meats over red meats or even refrain from red meats totally.
although I've eaten my fair share of raw chicken in the past, its not something I'm altogether excited about starting up doing again, not to mention the best quality I can get fresh is Amish or organic chicken from Whole Foods. I might be able to get it frozen from the guy I get pastured eggs from, but I 'm more sketched out with frozen chicken than other meats. I do get pork fat from him, and that doesn't seem to cause issues with me so far, so I guess I could try other pork cuts from him.
of course its still totally unclear if candida is my issue, other than that it seems the carbs exacerbate things, but its hard to say. I also stopped the candida-specific probiotics I was taking a few weeks back, so perhaps they were helping. I guess fatigue is often a symptom of detox, but other than the fact that it is totally extreme, I don't really have any other symptoms, some 'intestinal detox' here and there, but mostly my elimination is great, and shows no sign of undigested food etc...
also, i'm still dealing with dryness/dehydration, my lips have returned to being pink and usually smooth, but I still wake up in the morning feeling really parched, and most of the day as well.
Mostly I've been eating buffalo, the pork suet, butter and the celery juice with eggs in the mornings. I finally dug into the beef heart tonight, and am now doing my second batch of dried meat in the lex box (although I've eating only a few pieces form the last 5 lb). the heart meat itself actually was much more mild than expected, and pretty similar to regular muscle meat (not all that odd I guess being a muscle and all), so maybe in the future, i'll skip getting fresh muscle meat for the week and just eat the heart, tongue and pork fat, certainly will be alot cheaper.
It seems like alot of younger people here are dealing with fatigue and possible candida issues. I think with myself there is some psychological/motivation element, but still weigh mostly on physical issues, treatments and drugs etc.. I really don't feel like I can maintain having to let candida 'run its course' over a period of years without any let up regarding energy in the present. Sometimes I do get hopeless for this reason, as I do feel like I spend a huge share of my time and energy living a pretty acetic life, under the idea that I'll feel better, and yet if and when I feel better, I essentially have to do the same stuff to continue - although perhaps I'll get to eat more papaya comfortably :)
-
... raw white meats over red meats or even refrain from red meats totally.
although I've eaten my fair share of raw chicken in the past, its not something I'm altogether excited about starting up doing again, not to mention the best quality I can get fresh is Amish or organic chicken from Whole Foods. I might be able to get it frozen from the guy I get pastured eggs from, but I 'm more sketched out with frozen chicken than other meats. ... I think with myself there is some psychological/motivation element, but still weigh mostly on physical issues, treatments and drugs etc.. I really don't feel like I can maintain having to let candida 'run its course' over a period of years without any let up regarding energy in the present. Sometimes I do get hopeless for this reason, as I do feel like I spend a huge share of my time and energy living a pretty acetic life, under the idea that I'll feel better, and yet if and when I feel better, I essentially have to do the same stuff to continue - although perhaps I'll get to eat more papaya comfortably :)
The air chilled Bell and Evans from WF is pretty nice. Can you get nice live lobster? I've tried that. It was delicious :)
I've always tended to think that candida in particular might be overcome by the right mindset. I don't think acetic is necessarily it. Living for today may be a better way in some forms, than living for tomorrow. Living for tomorrow may be for naught. I don't mean to be gloomy, I'm just not sure.
Good luck with the papaya, and other fruit you may like!
-
I'm still eating seafood here and there, but not much, as especially the kinds I enjoy tend to be double or triple what I pay for GF beef or buffalo, especially per calorie. I havn't had live lobster yet, although I live in a great area for it. I did have some sea scallops the other night (on sale at $11 per lb down from $15 or $16), which were great, much better than the last time I remember eating them. The local white fishes like cod or haddock I can eat in a pinch, but I find basing my diet around them to be pretty wretched. The most recent time I had swordfish it tasted really off to me in some parts. Sill no luck with mussels or clams, oysters tend to be really pricey.
I don't think that variety of chickens is available at my WF, but pretty much any grain fed bird I'd be wary about eating on a daily basis, like I was last year. It also seems to aggravate things mentally, and is less grounding than red meat. But in a sense, I wasn't experiencing fatigue in that period, so who knows.
As for living in the moment, the only thing I can say is that my mood is overall alot better than 6 months or so, and yet the fatigue has worsened and only improved slightly in the last few months VLC, with it currently being on a low again. I'm often plenty motivated to do things yet, an hour into something I'm ready to pass out. I was more trying to say that eating this way requires a certain amount of dedication and social compromise that results in being acetic, there might be something I can do about that - (open to suggestions) but was more agreeing with you, that sitting around and waiting for candida symptoms to go away years later (as aajonous mentions) makes daily attention to diet seem pretty fruitless.
In other news my power was down for 4-5 hrs due to the floods in my area, I've lucked out in many ways being on a hill, even though there are places less than a mile away that are totally under water. However it did make me conscious of the fact that there seems to be multiple blackouts every summer here, which is another deterrent to stockpiling frozen meats.
-
Well, the sun has come out after the flooding, and alot of the fatigue and such has lessened. I guess its been over a week since I've had the fruit/carrot juice, and I think it was either yesterday or the day before that I still woke up with major ear itchiness, but that seems to be the only symptom I've had. I guess I sounded like a real downer in the last posts. On the positives, i'm looking well, my nails are rock hard (although thats not really new), my teeth look whiter, I haven't lost weight, I haven't gained weight but I'm looking somewhat more muscular. The minor burns I've gotten from the sun go away over night which I think is a pretty healthy sign. I do hear that my breath is bad.
I spent the day in the sun working out for hours and prepping a garden. Laying down I got the stomach spasms/cramps again. although I wasn't working with weights, but most of the exercises I was doing really engage the abdomen. On a positive note, the pull was on the opposite side as the last major one, but it seems pretty conclusive (to me) that dehydration plays some kind of role. I've been reading alot of back threads on water and salts and such, and it seemed the opinions were fairly split on each but that some saw muscle pulls as some aspect of adjustment. I'm not sure about this as last spring these pulls got progressively worse, and as I see it, because I was trying to get by one a liter of mineral water a day, with some veg juice here and there. I also think salt might be an issue for me more than others. I added literally a few small grains to my water today to see if that has any benefit, I've already been using lemons regularly, and mixing mineral and filtered tap, as depending on either alone seems to make things worse.
I enjoyed some crab legs yesterday, definitely one of those foods it seems almost silly to cook. I have a number of high meats going now, my cracked egg is a month old, some buffalo that I'd say is around 18 days old, and some 5 day old beef. that was already pretty over aged/expired to begin with. I'm hoping to experiment with more bivalves and shellfish soon.
-
Well, I think I need to start being more proactive in finding activities and meeting people, because my RPD is making me more selfconcious and I think I need to work against that.
This has been the case since I've been pretty much been in exile from the city I used to live in, where all my friends and contacts are, but, once I got involved in a relationship which caused me to forget about moving back and to ponder more about making a life for myself here, which seems impossible. mostly because I don't drive, and the public transport is awful. The other kicker is it looks my relationship is ending, so I need to be even more proactive in setting something else up before I get too desperate and depressed. I investigated and there is a crossfit center I can get quite close to on the bus, and they offer 1 free day or whatever. They are doing some paleo challenge right now. Really I just want to meet anyone that I can say I eat raw meat to, and thats rare around these parts. Although even in NYC many people frown on such things. But if their open to paleo stuff than should be ok with raw lets hope. Or else I'll have to get back into yoga, with heavy duty deoderant :)
-
You are aware that there is a paleodiet-eating group in NYC? It's been mentioned in the info/news forum. There is 1 guy there who eats partially rawpalaeo, and the others don't mind eating things like raw fish(ie sushi) on occasion.
-
Really I just want to meet anyone that I can say I eat raw meat to, and thats rare around these parts. Although even in NYC many people frown on such things. But if their open to paleo stuff than should be ok with raw lets hope.
I'm roughly an hour north on the train from Grand Central if you ever want to meet up with another raw paleo. ;)
The offer's open to anyone eating raw paleo; I'd like to meet others with a similar mindset too. :)
-
Crossfit would be an excellent way to reintegrate yourself back into a social network. They are a bit cult-like from what I hear but they are generally interested in good health and I'm sure lots of relationships come out of their ways. Lots of the vids on youtube show them as being one big happy group. This seems like a really good idea for me, though I don't necessarily believe in their exact methodology of lifting, it certainly beats going to my globo gym. The only issue is price at more than $100 a month.
Why exactly is your rpd holding you back and making you self-conscious? Are you sure its rpd, or is it other underlying issues? I say this, because my diet has little to do with me not being social. When I'm in my best mindset, I could care less what other people have to say about me, and actually enjoy short-circuiting them with my lifestyle if it ever arises in conversation.
-
You are aware that there is a paleodiet-eating group in NYC? It's been mentioned in the info/news forum. There is 1 guy there who eats partially rawpalaeo, and the others don't mind eating things like raw fish(ie sushi) on occasion.
I wrote this sorta late at night so I can see how its a little unclear, but I don't live in NYC anymore even though I did for most of my adult life. It's way easier there for me to function/meet people/maintain work. I've seen the meetup group page and know some of the people on it, I met Vlad I think around three years ago there. Basically I was saying where I currently live is not working for me, but that I should try to seek out activities here while I get healthy enough to consider moving back. But even in a place liek NYC that is open to alot, or has a higher precentage of people doing alternative diet nd animal foods diets that - at least for me, I perceive and project social challanges.
I'm roughly an hour north on the train from Grand Central if you ever want to meet up with another raw paleo. ;)
The offer's open to anyone eating raw paleo; I'd like to meet others with a similar mindset too. :)
cool, yeah I love making trips up north, especially in the summer and early fall, I'll definitely give a holler if I'm living back there
Crossfit would be an excellent way to reintegrate yourself back into a social network. They are a bit cult-like from what I hear but they are generally interested in good health and I'm sure lots of relationships come out of their ways. Lots of the vids on youtube show them as being one big happy group. This seems like a really good idea for me, though I don't necessarily believe in their exact methodology of lifting, it certainly beats going to my globo gym. The only issue is price at more than $100 a month.
Why exactly is your rpd holding you back and making you self-conscious? Are you sure its rpd, or is it other underlying issues? I say this, because my diet has little to do with me not being social. When I'm in my best mindset, I could care less what other people have to say about me, and actually enjoy short-circuiting them with my lifestyle if it ever arises in conversation.
I've been thinking about joining some kind of gym anyway as my last few years of just bodyweight and free weights has not be as sucessful as when I went to a gym regularly. I'm sure I have something to learn but yeah it would be more about the social element. This one here actually has punch cards per day, which is really rare for a gym 10-class punch card: $14 / class ($119) with decreasing prices per class the more classes you punch, 2 classes per week: $90/month . It is pricey, but not much more so than a typical yoga class.
As for being self-conscious, I'm sure it has to do with raw. It doesn't make me self-conscious when interacting with people, but it makes me nervous about how to open up and share with people and make deeper relationships. Like, in New York when I was doing the diet I could still go out to all kinds of social events and bars and even go on dates, but was hard to be 100% open with women and even with friends, The only part where my psyche really plays a role is in the projecting, like my current thoughts about needing to join crossfit or whatever or I'll have 0 future dating or friend prospects. Its also made me turn down offers to visits friends and such and go on trips, which is something I should be able to get over.
edit:
I guess as a caveat, its fair to say that its not just with RPD, but with most restrive type diets I've been on for over 4 years, I do think raw meat is the extra hurtle with many people, but even when I was on a fruit diet, I wouldn't tell my boss/friends etc, so yeah its deffinetly some issue I have. I have a buddy who eats raw primal in NYC and he says he tells everyone he meets, even random people. I've eaten raw meat on park benches and stuff, but yeah its more about thoughts around acceptance and relationships
heres a little update pic.
-
I e-mailed the guy from crossfit, so if he gets back to me I should be trying the intro class sometime next week. I'd also like to make that trip, to at least get out of my routine or lack there of, so I'm pondering adding the carbs back in and perhaps adjust better to making some future compromises. I also still have all this jerky, which doesn't seem to agree with me great, although I havn't really tried to make a meal of it yet.
the itchy ears have not gone away without carbs. Its not something overt or discomforting, more just something I notice from time to time. Even water seems to set it off, but I guess I do tend to squeeze some lemon in my water. The fatigue situation is also still not great, although thats starting to seem more depression oriented. I did perceive it being worse when I started adding in back fruits, but honestly I don't feel fantastically different doing 5 or so days ZC and a few more before that doing VCL - some cucumber juices.
my elimination seems to be sluggish again (for awhile things were almost regular/full) I don't know if this has to do with not eating eggs in the last week or two. I know the are supposed to help, especially early on in the diet
I'm thinking about expanding into cooked starch if the fruit continues to cause problems. My only other issues with starch is that they taste like crap, unless there is some kind of spices or something or. I guess I could try baking yams and covering them in butter and spice - after raw dinner digests. These are things my buddies would appreciate, get a few lb fish, and fry it up with some yams - yeah I Think I could bring myself to participate. and making an even more fancy gesture, they might give me a pass on chomping raw beef heart.
-
Add Cinnamon, Ginger, and a dash of Black Pepper to the starches. All will help digestion some and will help the flavor. :)
-
Thanks, yeah, when I was back eating starches I was eating them plain/steamed after meat a la warrior diet. That drove me crazy enough to remove them entirely as after a while I could not resits getting gluten free breads and pastas and such. But, eating my restricted brand of cooked paleo/primal was also bland and anti-social enough that I just went back to eating all raw.
Something about sweet potato just makes me squirm to think of eating (plain, although perhaps with some kind of spices/prep). I've made some other soups in the past with root vegetables like turnip and celery root and these seem to be more mild and edible even without spices.
The only thing that is a drag is that I'd like to be eating raw carbs (not just because I want to continue eating all raw) but that I get really dehydrated not eating any. My lips have gone back to normal pretty much, but I still feel thirsty almost all the time, and wonder if this effects my workouts/energy and overall health that the muscle cramps imply. The cooked carbs I don't think will benefit me much in this respect, other than adding some carb calories.
But yeah, I was also speaking mostly about traveling, that it would be nice to be able to eat more (raw) carbs in a pinch. Even if I can talk to my buddies/host about my raw eating, I'm still self conscious about bringing stuff home and taking up space in their fridge etc..,not to mention presumably being out on my own most of the day until 5PM or whatever. I've eaten some things raw in WF dining court, and even outside sometimes in the city, and there are sashimi joints, but without fat this would all add up to significant under-eating, which is usually fine for me energy wise, but it seems to make more sense just to make some dietary compromises and enjoy instead of making a big deal about everything. On, the plus side I still eat raw butter and have all this jerky, so that is something I can feasibly bring without any issue. I think for myself there is really alot of paranoia about candida, that any little thing resets your progress 10fold or whatever they say. When I do try honey, or fruits or whatever, I do seem to get some kind of immediate reaction, but whose to say if its seriously affecting my situation, especially if I can have the same symptoms just waking up in the morning not eating any carbs. Maybe they're just chomping down on some escaping toxins/metals or something and enjoy a little sugar break.
-
So, what exactly gets in the way of forming a deep relationship when eating rpd. I suppose for me, I am most confident about my diet, not necessarily that it is right, but the depth of knowledge I have gained from reading these boards and endless studies that I can easily dispense the information. Basically, its the one thing I am sure about.
I thought you weighed 160 at 6'. Did I misremember this? Because you look much bigger/stronger.
As for sweet potatoes, I had my first "fermented" sweet potato the other day. I just left it out on my desk for a 7-10 days and ignored it. It looked the same, but when I finally picked it up, I saw a bunch of mold at one end. Parts of it had become soft, not hard like it had been when I bought it. I left it out another day and then ripped it open. I stayed away from the actual mold but had chunks of the soft sweetness. It was surprisingly good.
-
I've eaten sweet potatoes (plain nothing added) like one might apples, in a pinch hanging out with friends when there was nothing else raw available. It was good, once! I've also eaten very ripe raw plantain in such a situation. Friends have made blended raw sweet potato soup. I didn't like the taste or texture. Yeah, I've made cooked stews of celery root and turnip. They were nice, no seasoning, the celery root was wild too! I'm sort or past vegetable soup stage.
It is important when eating with others to eat something easy and similar to what they are. People can look up to you too if you follow your own food path, whatever's healthy for you. Get some gourmet friends and make some carpaccios! :) Do you like renaissance fairs? Maybe dressed as King Henry VIII you can get away with a turkey leg. Idk, people are so strange. Many will shy away from any unusual food, rather than do the healthier thing in this case which would be to try it too. We should have paleo fairs.
As for sweet potatoes, I had my first "fermented" sweet potato the other day. I just left it out on my desk for a 7-10 days and ignored it. It looked the same, but when I finally picked it up, I saw a bunch of mold at one end. Parts of it had become soft, not hard like it had been when I bought it. I left it out another day and then ripped it open. I stayed away from the actual mold but had chunks of the soft sweetness. It was surprisingly good.
Something about sweet potato just makes me squirm to think of eating (plain, although perhaps with some kind of spices/prep). I've made some other soups in the past with root vegetables like turnip and celery root and these seem to be more mild and edible even without spices.
-
So, what exactly gets in the way of forming a deep relationship when eating rpd...
Well, I am involved in a relationship. Its fairly tenuous for a variety of reasons, but one of them is the whole social/eating things is somewhat important for her. Right or wrong, I feel like I don't even what to be in a position where I have to explain things to her or my friends, and I tend to avoid certain things like making long trips etc or just bringing food with me during the day where I'd have to explain...Not saying this is right, just clarifying further what I meant.
I thought you weighed 160 at 6'. Did I misremember this? Because you look much bigger/stronger.
heh, well, I can say for certain that this pic is flattering to the point of being skewed, whereas the first one was really the opposite/negative. I seem to have one of those physiques where If I've just been working out it makes a huge difference and here I was doing heavy garden work (chopping) as well. I think for the most part 165 has been the number I hover around (although even since this pic I've had some more issues/loss - more on that later ), and apparently my girlfriend mentioned I've borrowed quite a bit from my ass! I do mostly bodyweight stuff so its hard to tell how strong I am. I do use one weight for some simple curls and shoulder raises that is maxed out at 45 lb, and I do some other kind of stuff with that weight and large ammts of reps. I've done a fair ammount of light fasting/cleanses and such, so perhaps my cells have less crap and I appear bigger at a lighter weight, doesn't seem accurate by my other issues though.
As for sweet potatoes, I had my first "fermented" sweet potato the other day. I just left it out on my desk for a 7-10 days and ignored it. It looked the same, but when I finally picked it up, I saw a bunch of mold at one end. Parts of it had become soft, not hard like it had been when I bought it. I left it out another day and then ripped it open. I stayed away from the actual mold but had chunks of the soft sweetness. It was surprisingly good.
interesting. are you planning on making more? I think at this point I'm searching after some grail of whatever is 'missing' in my diet. I realize (cooked) starches are probably a bad direction to go, and I'm not there yet, but just in the past 5 days or so I've gone through another stint where its harder to eat, never mind the quantity needed to put on some weight. I've been eating less and less butter 1.) as an experiment to see if it does contribute to some of my symptoms and 2.) because just the taste makes me really sick/queasy. I've tried eating more pork fat but I seem to have a limit on that as well, and can hardly eat even the smallish amount of muscle meat I was eating. So I don't think removing all the butter will happen until I'm getting some more variety of fats, and/or adding more carbs. I do wonder if my VLC or ZC are contributing or aiding my fatigue issues. As its clear people have a variety of responses to such things.
I had a dozen oysters today for some variety. They were alot easier to open than I was suspecting. I employed a short knife and chef's knife for the job. Mostly I just used the later and chopped the end, and then used the back corner flat end of the knife to just sort of pop a little around the edge until it released. Pretty good, but kinda expensive and time consuming ( I guess it was only around 30 mins but I get picky with raw prep :) ) to be regular food.
-
I've eaten sweet potatoes (plain nothing added) like one might apples, in a pinch hanging out with friends when there was nothing else raw available. It was good, once! I've also eaten very ripe raw plantain in such a situation. Friends have made blended raw sweet potato soup. I didn't like the taste or texture. Yeah, I've made cooked stews of celery root and turnip. They were nice, no seasoning, the celery root was wild too! I'm sort or past vegetable soup stage.
It is important when eating with others to eat something easy and similar to what they are. People can look up to you too if you follow your own food path, whatever's healthy for you. Get some gourmet friends and make some carpaccios! :) Do you like renaissance fairs? Maybe dressed as King Henry VIII you can get away with a turkey leg. Idk, people are so strange. Many will shy away from any unusual food, rather than do the healthier thing in this case which would be to try it too. We should have paleo fairs.
Yeah I think I have too, or at least shredding in a salad. Blackened plantains are excellent, I assume that kind of fermentation/ripening wouldn't be great if I truly am dealing with candida.
I've been to a reenactment type fair, where they have the big mutton legs and jousting. I've also eaten meat on the street or on benches and even in a bar bathroom. Its more with friends/relationships, where its just never ending discussion, like its radium or something. Although perhaps it does have a confidence element. if I was 200 lbs of muscle and didn't have any fatigue, or smell like chemical detox, perhaps people might be like 'woah, not for me but seems to be working for ya'.
-
Thanks for clarifying. Did you fix your relationship? I thought you said it was ending.
Thats pretty strange that you are struggling to eat and losing your ass. Most people on ZC that I have seen have reported no decrease in muscle mass and generally have significantly improved muscle tone. I still can't believe you are 165, I would have guessed 200+. ZC could be pretty bad for you. And since you don't have much problems with cravings from carbs (right?), this could be a sign that you 'need' much more carbs than me. I wouldn't completely rule out cooked starches, some people do very with them and I've seen some reports of people who have struggled with low-carb only to do very well with the addition of potatoes. I will probably 'make' more fermented sweet potatoes. They really did taste great with the texture and taste similar to what its like when cooked, just a little sourer.
-
Thanks for clarifying. Did you fix your relationship? I thought you said it was ending.
Well, it seemed to be going in that direction. Basically we don't see each other alot even usually, but it had been even more so and there was obvious tension. She came over last night and we worked things out and also managed to have a good time. I was more vocal about the diet stuff and how necessary it is. She understands that part, although because of my word manuverings, she still doesn't understand exactly what it is that I eat :/ but supports that I'm doing what I need to do. She even commented that I look even better, but yeah that my midsection and ass is on the outs. Part of it is she is kinda hard to please sometimes, and I also have alot of issues with the relationship, but now it seems to be back on track *shrugs*
Thats pretty strange that you are struggling to eat and losing your ass. Most people on ZC that I have seen have reported no decrease in muscle mass and generally have significantly improved muscle tone. I still can't believe you are 165, I would have guessed 200+. ZC could be pretty bad for you. And since you don't have much problems with cravings from carbs (right?), this could be a sign that you 'need' much more carbs than me. I wouldn't completely rule out cooked starches, some people do very with them and I've seen some reports of people who have struggled with low-carb only to do very well with the addition of potatoes.
Well, I have alot of chemicals and crap that I am dealing with, which is commonly linked to nausea. Occasionally I add charcoal powder (cut from gel tabs) and for much of the last month I've been eating little bits of cheese with butter prior to a meal, that is recommended by primal dieters. I can't say its worked wonders so far, and pass most of the time now.
But even that is relatively new. I had a small bit of nausea/trouble eating for a few days after having some dodgy swordfish awhile back. But its more that even when feeling copacetic, its hard for me to get enough to eat just eating meat and fat. If I have eggs that adds a little bump. I have the high meats in progress, so maybe after I experiment with those I'll be in a position to make a conscious shift towards more cooked starches or maybe i'll start ordering fat. Originally my plan was not to go back 100% and just cruise of something mildly healing and nutritious, but every version of that I came up with seemed to be as acetic as doing VLC raw.
looks like tomorrow will be at least 2 weeks again since I had any fruit/sugar, and I think I had some cucumber/herb juices at the beginning of the first week, other than that its just been animal food, with some lemon water. I can't find it now, but read one post where Tyler said loss of appetite was common on ZC, and that many people eventually found they had a hard time keeping weight on.
Yeah, I have no true cravings for carbs. but I'd rather be eating them for sure. It seems to be always dehydrated for one one without em. I think I'll try again with the fruits. I was reading on the MDA site (somewhat unrelated I suppose) that doing carb days over 150 g are good for people that are doing primarily VLC, I guess a mini version of what bodybuilders used to do. I don't understand all the science and not sure if I even understand all the ramifications of ketosis. Or whether I'm burning fats for energy or my own fats. it kinda seems to be the latter.
Today I've been following this live cam on an owl. I was really fortunate that I caught the part where it just bit the head off of a mouse in one shot and feed its young.
http://www.sportsmansparadiseonline.com/Live_Owl_Nest_Box_Cam.html
- Heres another shot from the same day, look a little lighter. from the angle. also my bones are really tiny.
-
Well I seem to have hit my first flu like detox, or food-poisoning-esq incident. I tried yesterday with reintroducing the fruits, ate 1 lb of strawberries and than a whole papaya mid day after eaiting my regular meat/fat hours earlier. I had bought alot of fruit with the idea I would try to shoot out over 150 g, and I actually didn't get very far with that. It didn't seem to trigger the symptoms I usually get (ear itching) perhaps a little fatigue, but later after my other meat/fat meal I started getting really nauseous, much more so than the periodic stomach issues I've been mentioning.
It would seem probable that I'm having some kind of reaction to the dozen oysters I had the day before, which seemed to go down fine. Other than that, I guess a combination of things could have triggered some internal detox. Last night I had terrible chills, minor hallucination, restless/inability to fall asleep, and massive desire to puke, which never happened. Today my body is still chilly and really achy/sore and I havn't been able to eat, and when I drink water it tastes strange/sweet to me. My tongue is covered which never happens, even when I was doing more fruit, so I'd chalk that up again to whatever else is going on. I was going to mix some charcoal with an egg, but I'm certain if I do that that I will puke.
any thoughts?
---
I finally got a call back from the cross-fit guy about the class tomorrow (into class is only once a week) So I'll probably have to bale on that unfortunately till next time.
-
Sorry to hear about the horrible results - Any reason you chose to eat such a large amount of carbs instead of reintroducing them back more slowly?
-
FWIW I've had similar symptoms a couple times in the past pre-RAF. Each time was while I was sticking to eating low carb (almost exclusively baked chicken thighs) and I had a carb splurge of a couple sodas at night with dinner. I'd start feeling unpleasant and eventually while lying in bed I'd get the serious nausea and sit up half the night experiencing everything you posted. The only addition was the brain fog I'd get (the night of it'd be like I was buzzed but it was more pronounced for at least a day or two afterwards). I attribute this to a surge of food to the Candida.
Oh yeah, now that I think of it I had the same thing happen once years before that. Again, I was eating LC as a result of the food allergies and Candida. My wife (girlfriend at the time) and I had had a rough week so we decided we'd do a bit of drinking. I made a horrible blended concoction of potato vodka and frozen blueberries. Horrible experience including all you've mentioned except hallucinations. Part of it was being drunk, part was my unknown allergy to potato, and the rest was Candida. God that was a rough night; I'm glad I can't do that again.
I'm not saying it's definitely a result of Candida but it's a possibility.
-
Sorry to hear about the horrible results - Any reason you chose to eat such a large amount of carbs instead of reintroducing them back more slowly?
heh, well my scientific reasoning is a bit dodgy on that. I had been trying 1 piece of fruit here and there for the last 3 mo, which had inconclusive results because my main symptom is fatigue, and I feel that anyway doing VLC or ZC. So I wanted to see if eating over 150 g would result in a break from ketosis and I might feel more energy. I only ended up eating 60 g anyway, which is still considered to be quite low AFAIK.
Oh yeah, now that I think of it I had the same thing happen once years before that. Again, I was eating LC as a result of the food allergies and Candida. My wife (girlfriend at the time) and I had had a rough week so we decided we'd do a bit of drinking. I made a horrible blended concoction of potato vodka and frozen blueberries. Horrible experience including all you've mentioned except hallucinations. Part of it was being drunk, part was my unknown allergy to potato, and the rest was Candida. God that was a rough night; I'm glad I can't do that again.
I'm not saying it's definitely a result of Candida but it's a possibility.
thanks, yeah. The only thing is is that I'm not feeling any of my typical symptoms of candida (ear itching/fatigue), just the stomach flu like symptoms and headaches. I've basically been sleeping all day. Ironically I've read numerous reports of people even on RAF having problems with oysters a traditionally eaten raw food, so I suggest that is more the culprit, but because of the additional symptoms like the headache, and I'm basically otherwise doing the same thing day in and out, I'll maintain for the time being that this process is some kind of detox as if If it was true food poisoning I wouldn't be feeling at all better right now.
Other than the clay, you should just let detoxes happen naturally. People generally find that the detoxes get reduced in terms off frequency, duration and severity and stop after a few years - I started getting minor detoxes(mild flu-like symptoms) occurring once every 2 to 4 months, lasting from 2 to 7 days, but they disappeared completely after 2-3 years.
-
Well, I finally coerced myself into some upchuck action by just staring into the toilet this morning. What came up was a white pasty substance and nothing else. SO most likely some residue from the oysters, although the only other thing it might be is the frozen pork suet I eat. I've been eating it for over 6 weeks, and it hasn't appeared to cause any problems, but its admittedly kinda dodgy. I though I've read a report here that said fat like suet can build up in the stomach, but don't remember if this was just a member's hypothesis.
I took a bunch of HCL as a litle precaution/remedy, just on a whim that this might clear up any remaining stuff. Turns out I ended up taking 8 pills without any noticeable burn, which I was getting after 1-2 pills just a few months ago, and decided they were totally unnecessary. This is discouraging, but I will wait till i'm feeling better (and have eaten within a reasonable time frame) and test again.
still 'fasting', waiting for all symptoms to subside.
-
the only other thing it might be is the frozen pork suet I eat. I've been eating it for over 6 weeks, and it hasn't appeared to cause any problems, but its admittedly kinda dodgy.
I quit eating all pork, partly because of the occasion strange off flavours, then the gut ache, and also the USDA record that swine feeders are allowed to feed them various noxious stuff, including garbage.
So I would suspect the pork suet.
-
thanks, yeah I'm suspecting that more myself, as my initial statement isn't totally correct in that I have had some mild nasuea on and off that has prevented me from eating much. I never have undigested fat (or meat) in stools, but is it possible that dense fat stays in the stomach?
It kinda puts me in a bad position of what TO eat. I'm not sure If raw butter causes me any drastic issues, but I have a hard time eating it in any sufficient quantity without feeling queasy/due to taste. The pork fat is supposedly pastured, but that doesn't necessarily mean 100%. It doesn't taste off to me, and so far hasn't caused such a problem, so I don't know if its due to a bad batch or if my system is weakening
On occasion I can get some grass-fed organs (frozen) but my only other options would be hormone free grain fed marrow bones and beef suet from Whole Foods. Also eggs I suppose, but I can't eat that many whole eggs a day either before I get sort of nauseous. The only way of getting more then the minimal amount of cals is eating some combination of the above, and usually this result is closer to under eating.
-
I never have undigested fat (or meat) in stools, but is it possible that dense fat stays in the stomach?
I highly doubt it. Almost all of my fat is dense beef suet and I have fairly good elimination and no signs that anything is building up in my stomach. I've been eating this way for months too. So, through anecdotal experience, I'd say no.
-
heh, well I wasn't suggesting that is what typically happens, only if it might be possible that it could stay. I agree this is probably unlikely, and now I remember who said it and they wern't exactly reliable. however when I finally did a little vomiting, this was like at least 36 hours after eating, and there was no watery quality or sign of other gunk, just white pastyness.
My appetite in general is always low, and barring entertainment foods I tend to eat even less, but I seem to be going in the opposite direction as one would expect on this path, where food is becoming less palatable and have less desire to eat, even when I'm active. So I wonder if a component is biological. Like I don't see how my digestion or HCL could have gone downhill (if this is indeed the case) since I started, as I sleep alot, am active, eat only two simple meals, and never seem to have any stomach distress other than the occasional mild nausea. I mean, just a week ago from anyone on the outside looking in, it would appear that my health was improving. But in my eyes I was still losing weight at a slow rate and have the same energy issues, and it made total sense because even for an inactive person I would have rarely been eating enough, so at least its likely I'm absorbing the food I do eat well, but I need to figure out a more stable food plan.
ate some papaya after 60+ or so hr. fast. Then I actually had a decent helping sauerkraut and a little frisee salad. which I think is the first salad/vegetable I've had in over 2 months. some olive oil and ACV. I'll probably try a meat meal later as I'm no longer really nauseous, and I had yet another regular bowel movement. I do now have a sore throat, which could be runoff fromt he other thing or spurned by the fasting. At least the carbs don't seem to be bothering me at all.
-
Have you ever been checked for hypothoroidism? Do you have cold hands or feet often?
-
Have you ever been checked for hypothoroidism? Do you have cold hands or feet often?
yeah, I get pretty extensive medical tests done every so often, and just had em done a few weeks ago. According to them my thyroid is in good shape, same with kidneys and b-12 (which used to be a problem). My body temp seems to be pretty much on the warm side (well actually low compared to 98.6, but I mean feeling warm when others arn't), this was definitely a new experience with the chills. For awhile it seemed my circulation wasn't so great (limbs falling asleep here and there) but I havn't noticed that in recent weeks either.
-
Just had a few oz of fatty chuck, that was about all I could take. :/
-
dug into my high meat twice today. Its only 4 week old, but was already partially liquid but not the pieces on top. I've been airing it mostly every other day or so. It wasn't slimy enough that I couldn't rip it apart into even smaller pieces tho, which is what I did. I had it after each meal at the advice of a friend. I just fake chomped on the little pieces a few times and swallowed whole. The aftertaste was but other than that it wasn't as bad as I expected, although the second time after 4-5 very small tears I gagged pretty bad. We'll see how it goes down in a few weeks. Or I might just eat some every day this week and then decide if I'm going to change up the diet completely with starch and such.
No immediate effects, other than I was able to eat a little more today, but still severely under-eating (like .5lb meat and 1/5 lb butter in 4 days + 1 small papaya and a small salad). Considering I had already lost weight after those pics and before this stomach thing, I havn't lost much numerically these last days as much as one would think, but visually it shows. Right now my appetite shot up so I'm testing out my jerky again, don't have the stomach for any more expired meat, as I haven't got around to shopping with all this crap going on.
on another note, my cracked egg is 6 wk old. and boy is it rank. I don't know if fear is the right word, but something is holding me back from eating it. anyone tried this?
-
Well, I guess I can say I'm feeling somewhat better, although I'm so miffed/concerned about the situation, that I'm having trouble putting that in perspective.
One of the reasons I started fiddling with my diet 5 years ago, other than the fact that I kept getting occurrences of cancer, was I would spend half a year at the gym, then I would come down with some kind of flu (presumably from stuffing myself with crap) and would lose all the progress. I'm sure I still have most of my muscle, but just in 10 days or so I'm looking radically different.
-----
I was able to eat a slightly larger portion of meat maybe .25lb and I ate a few small marrow bones and some tongue, mostly the muscle part. I passed on doing more high meat, but had done twice again yesterday. I Started again with eggs {8) and juice (with some carrots).
meat is still hard to get down and my stomach closes up quickly. I thought partially that was because the meat I had been eating the last few days after being ill had aged poorly and smelled. but the fresh stuff today didn't make much of a difference. Just walking around the store made me feel incredibly queasy.
I did buy a few roots and things, so I guess i'll try those out. Seems to be a little too late of a solution, as my main issue is how to figure out this massive calorie deficiency and fast. Unless I'm going to go way over 150 g carbs, eating cooked tubers is not going to put much of a dent in that, and who would want to eat that much of em' anyway? Even if I start cooking meat this isn't going to help much calorically, unless I figure out how to fix my digestion and can up my fat dramatically.
-
Even if I start cooking meat this isn't going to help much calorically, unless I figure out how to fix my digestion and can up my fat dramatically.
As you know, I solved that problem with pemmican as carbs were much too dangerous for me. If you can find something else that digests as quickly and easily without the blood sugar cycles of carbs, go for it.
-
You might try cooking a bit of meat and seeing if this increases your appetite. Maybe making a bone broth could be an option as well. Also, how was your appetite when you had cancer?
-
hmm, not sure what you are getting at there, I got sick almost 8 years ago, then again almost 6 years. I did conventional treatments, so yeah during those times my appetite was surely affected, and my health in general has been affected of course my that stuff, and whatever other issues caused the problems in the first place. I should have probably not even brought it up, other then the fact that I wanted to hammer home how much even with those problems that my diet choices were based on more cosmetic things.
When I finished treatments I just continued drinking and living the same lifestyle and felt fine in many ways, I probably ate somewhat better, but I always ate fairly well compared to most folks, with the occasional total junk like bodega food.
Technically other than the constant flus and such I also developed avascular necrosis (hip joint rot) from the treatments and basically the docs told me if I didn't have a hip replacement I would never walk again. So I guess that was really the main motivation for doing raw. So far other than looking fairly young, and not being dead, is my only positive testimonials of diet change. Other than that is seems like a tons of wasted energy and time at the moment. In those 5 years I've been totally emaciated like 4 times for various reasons, and been fairly well built every time in between. So basically I just get really frustrated with loss in progress. I still keep up with the conventional docs if thats what you are thinking?
It was interesting to hear the aajonous lecture about the effects of these treatments. I knew about all his illness but for whatever reason did not know he did conventional radiation and chemo. In fact I thought I heard he believed most people that do so are goners. He is totally right about how it affects your taste buds. I'm sure this has some lasting affect but I've definitely really savored things since then. I feel like it applies towards a much more mechanical and b/w experience of reality as well, that I've remedied someways through various meditation and diet stuff in the past, but overall it is undeniably quite life changing.
-----------------
on that note, trying to stay focused on the fact that I was able to down almost a normal amount of food. I think that should be my goal rather than trying to figure out how to get back anything i've lost right now. it's hard.
I had maybe almost .75 lb meat (shanks that had alot of fat), two marow bones, 6 eggs, some carrot/cuc juice w/parsley and maybe 2 oz of butter. I really regret taking the juices out my diet, they're helping with the stomach/hunger and I can also sneak in more eggs that way.
I got out in the sun and did some exercise today for the first time in over a week. no real problem with strength but I didn't push it.
Even though I've felt less dehydrated than any time to date with this diet, I drank some water after each meal which is really rare for me to consider dong. I got some pain in my rt side, kinda like one gets from running. So I don't know if thats the water or my body is still in a wounded state for digestion. I didn't feel as nauseous today that I notice.
-
Well, it seems my digestion (or at least ability to eat) is continuously improving, but my current lack of fat supply is still causing me some additional problems
I've been pretty regularly eating my ~5 wk high-meat, and although I dont feel amazing from it, it seems to have raised me up to general well-being, which I guess is something considering the situation
Other than that I've just been eating muscle meat, tongue, and liver. I'm back doing celery/cuc/carrot juice, and a few eggs when I have them.
I have butter that had gone moldy - either from the power outages I had during the flooding, or just from neglect. I've still been eating little bits, because a buddy said its ok, although with all the other decaying crap in the fridge(including some outright moldy stuff I have thrown out of others) It seems dubious, and especially with my suspected candida/mold issues.
for a few days I had bone in cuts so I was enjoying marrow, but that dried up a few days ago.
I went ahead and finally placed a phone order that I was avoiding doing, and yet I still had no success with getting fat, I got a heavy selection of marrow bones, but hear some varieties actually have very little usable marrow. It won't arrive till next friday anyway.
I tried cooked starch for the first time in 3 months. I steamed some Japanese yam, black turnip, a rutabaga, and some golden beets. They seemed like they would be the most mild and they tasted mildly awful. They also don't seem to be acceptable for my suspected candida issues, I had itching, even in my feet. Could be a combo with the dairy/mold but I don't see how I could get a significant amount of cals from steamed tubers anyway.
I tried eating 3 bananas today and had similar symptoms, also being tired. So I'm really discouraged about how to tackle this weight loss. I'm down to 158, and would be happy to be back at the 165 I was complaining about.
-
Some improvements
my appetite is back to normal, and I've been even able to pack in more food successfully in an attempt to gain back weight, just in 4-5 days this seems to have some success.
my energy level is still not great and having reactions still from any kind of carbs. I'm trying milk again that I enjoy, but seems to trigger both fatigue and some fungal symptoms like burning in my feet etc... I really enjoyed going up to the farm though, see the cows and such. The farmer also had some absolutely amazingly healthy and well behaved dogs, that seemed to take a liking to me. They were all wet and smelly but I enjoyed their company.
the other negative symptoms I've been experiencing since my stomach thing is some belching (mild, more like hiccups) and abdominal cramping/tied up in knots kind of feeling. I've never experienced this is 9 mo+ net. of eating raw meats. Also I havn't tested my HCL pills again, but when I did during feeling really ill I took 10 (at intervals stretched out of an hour or so) and it did nada, whereas 3 moths ago when I started with the pills I took 1-2 and got a serious burn, so I discontinued.
Perhaps I should do more extensive experimentation with he HCL pills first, but anyone know of any reason someones HCL could drop so dramatically? or other causes of gut issues or cramping? my elimination still seems to be very good for this kind of diet.
-
I have a crack-pot hunch on what HCL supplementation is doing. I don't think it gets to the underlying problem at all and could just be masking symptoms of a dysfunctional gut. Taking HCL could simply fill up your reserves and so you could be fine for some time without supplementation after filling up, but eventually you will run out and thus need more supplementation again. This explains why many people are able to significantly reduce the amount of HCL pills they take rather quickly and then need more at a later time. I've observed this a few times in different journals.
It really makes no sense to me that HCL supplementation would somehow magically and permanently fix endogenous HCL production. In fact, it would make more sense to me that it would make things worse in the long run.
-
possibly, as this is true for many fixes. I've heard even taking enzymes have this problem. I would think the rationale would be more that the diet would hopefully lead to healing and that the pills would be more of a layover to process food better during that period/supply more nutrients or require less effort.
either way, I've used them more as a litmus test rather then an aid. really I only took them a few times months ago as a quick test to determine if low stomach acid was a culprit in my fatigue and such. when I got the burn the first time or so I pretty much discontinued, as when I took them before meals I got heartburn, suggesting too much acid. the day I took 10 was the first and only day since. I'm more concerned with why I would have the belching/cramps when I never had these problems in the beginning.
-
Things are continual improving health wise this week. Numerically I've succeeded in putting on weight. I think visually I still seem down a few but that will probably resolve itself shortly at this rate. My energy is even better (slightly) and I've experienced no candida type symptoms, even though I'm still juicing vegetables(with added whole eggs) and getting alot of carbs now from milk, which is a recent addition. At first I thought it didn't agree with me, but for the time being the positives seem to outweigh any negatives.
I received a diverse package of red meats from slankers including goat and lamb as well as a bunch of bones. To me the marrow honestly doesn't taste any different than the bone-in cuts from WF. The goat is pretty fantastic, another one of those foods which tastes almost the same or better raw (crab so far is high on such list, as with tuna). I havn't been eating much of any seafood, shellfish etc...and am low on organs so things have gotten somewhat repetitive. I've been eating bison suet, marrow, <1/2lb red meat, and smallish quantities of raw butter in each meal (2). The combination might be a bit rough but is also useful for packing in more cals. I seem now since my stomach problem to have minor belching and such with any meal no matter how simple, so I'll probably continue this pattern also for the time being as I havn't had the cramping and so forth even with greater amounts of food now. no one responded to the thread on high meats aobut my white moldy meat, so I havn't risked my progress with that. unfortunately it made me lazy and havn't aired out my other batch either. I should go do that.
-
The goat is pretty fantastic, another one of those foods which tastes almost the same or better raw (crab so far is high on such list, as with tuna).
I completely agree. When I was ordering from Slankers I'd add a couple pounds of ground goat to each order and ration it out as a "treat". It's a nice fuller-bodied flavor than even the best grass-finished beef I've had. :)
-
not too much to report. Weight has mostly returned and stabilized, so that is good. My energy/well-being is still way below the mark (but still slightly better than when I started back on the raw). I'm considering getting some kind of testing or going about more speculative self-treatments, but I've sort of lost the patience for doing much of anything other than my typical raw eating, lots of sleep, rest, and light exercise. I am doing the high meats but they don't seem to effect how I feel (although I suspect they helped in getting my digestion back on track). Other than that I don't know what else I can do to accelerate the process, which I guess is where my frustrations lay.
I made a bone broth last night (well, I started it the day before and simmered 24 hrs) because I had naively ordered a ton of knuckle bones that had very little usable raw marrow. I ate the marrow and boiled the bones, and some various other bones that I had saved. It was alot less exciting to eat then I expected. Since I was already eating cooked I also had my first cooked 'meat' and ate a fish I've never had called corvina (which is similar to a bass but in some ways is actually like crab flesh) and steamed artichokes. Today I felt a little crappier than usual and had a slight sore throat. Despite feeling sub-optimal and having that stomach incident, I havn't had any cold type symptoms in some time, so I guess I can't handle even the healthiest of cooked foods. I know some raw folks (vegans) think reactions to cooked are 'healthy', but I'm pretty disappointed with my reactions to this and the cooked tubers I tried. Still doing the raw milk, so my carb values are much higher then they were overall and doing juiced greens but I can count the fruits I've eaten in 4 mo on 2 hands. So I'd assume my fatigue has other factors than yeasts. Although perhaps Its adrenals, protein->glucose, or just slow recovery/detox, although in my past experience, eating a bit of cooked foods has always slowed/ameliorated the latter.
-
Well I can safely say now that theres a huge difference between 5-6 wk high meat and ~10 week high meat.
I mean, the first time I had the 5 week stuff I gagged a bit, but figured out that if I chewed little pieces a few times with my wisdom teeth and avoided my tongue, it was a bit kin to taking a shot of crappy alcohol, with a bit more of a nasty aftertaste. Now that I'm used to it its more like eating your grandmothers crappy candy with a smile.
the 10 week stuff (which might be skewed because it was indeed moldy at one time, and seems to have been devoured by the bacteria as it had no taste of mold) is pretty close to coprophagia or probably worse.
the cracked egg which was like 11 wk I just tossed outside. I didn't even think to open it up and see what it looked like, it was so vile. Although I noticed later some animal made use of it. I wonder how it felt?
still no immediate effects from the stuff, although 24 hrs afterward I once again had my second bout of serious stomach distress. This time there was no nausea or bowel insanity, just massive pain. Its hard to tell if this had to do with the high meats as I had a smorgasbord of variables the same previous day, eating poultry thighs and hearts, somewhat smelly goat meat, [edit: left out: some possibly rancid or just plain too fatty dried meat], and suet which seems to be my nemesis. The last time this happened I felt nauseous for days and vomited at least 36 hours later and there was still suet in my stomach (pork). This time I guess it wasn't as shocking or disturbing because I vomited 4-5 hours after a mid-day meal (the following day) after the most excruciating stomach pains. but once again the only content was like mucous with undigested suet fat (no meat) which shouldn't stay int he stomach that long IMO. Although I can say after the last bout hours later which was just clear mucus and some charcoal I finally ingested, I did feel somewhat euphoric and 100% better almost instantly, and today have pretty much no symptoms, although I fasted anyway and ate a small dinner.
-
I was speaking in the 'Asian Squat' thread at that ratio of leg length to torso might be a contributing factor to pull off a successful effortless sit-squat. excess muscle, fat, or the opposite pole of leg:torso ratio would also be major factors.
Here are some various attempts at a feet flat full squat. I left out any attempts to manufacture a flat back posture for a photo, and only did postures that were somewhat comfortable
1-4.
You can see how when I move forward locking my arms over my knees, the more horizontal I become almost like recovering from a jump. Even simply sitting with knees bent trying to curl over my knees, this was actually the most difficult. My hand is my the way but you can see even here that the knee height goes above the arm pit.
5.
I also included a pic of strait back body-weight 'squat' employing a weight. usually I do this with one arm, but it was difficult to hold for the shot as I use some of the momentum of the squat to help raise the weight (shoulder raise). As I was trying to argue in the thread, the whole point of these exercises (weighted or not, or done with a heavy bar) is to engage the musculature of the legs. It is possible to hold a very deep squat in this fashion while putting strain on these same muscles. A full deep sit squat however does not engage these muscles and should be able to be comfortably held for long periods of time without any contraction of the legs, back or abdomen muscles.
6-7.
here is one of the major bridge variations that I do, usually immediately after some kind of upper body exercise, especially if I am outside and in the sun. It looks deceptively easy, but keeping your legs/feet in the position alone is quite challenging. you can see my feet position better with arms raised, although you can also see this has caused a lift somewhat, usually I will not raise my arms.
8.
here is a full 'wheel' type of bridge. I'm pleased with the height and so forth. generally people (although I've usually seen it in women) that are very flexible have far less of a gap between their arms and legs, and some can even walk their way up that way. If I'm just doing a regular bridge I can estimate this somewhat, but it seems raising my hips requires more leverage and distance. It could also be some tightness in my lower back still. The simple bridge I did not include as I don't really do it very often. Its sort of a mix of the two, having your head on the ground and your body making a rigid bracket shape.
9.
I included a basic sit and reach type stretch. Even for my height I'm able to touch my heels over my toes, so general flexibility, abdominal strength and tightness don't seem to be the contributing factors.
10.
here is another type of sitting = )
-
Sweet shorts, I thought only little league Dad's circa mid 1980's wore those things.
Yea, your leg to torso ratio seems to be greater than the asians I have seen squatting and your legs are probably a bit more muscular which as you mentioned will not help either. Seeing that you are already pretty flexible it seems doubtful that you'll be able to comfortably asian squat but you never know what practice can do. Are Asians known for having particularly long torso's? A quick googling says so.
-
haha, yeah I got half a wardrobe full of stuff like this. fierce! I used to have even more, but have moved around alot and lost things.
yeah, my only purpose in the thread really was that these things are factors not that tall or fat people or myself are hopeless. Well, also I think the the advise given about how to do bodyweight squats and calf size didn't seem to have much bearing for myself or I suspect for the OP either, who was talking about falling backwards doing a sit squat. If people really developed their legs and calves, like say a basketball player, they'd be in even worse shape for squatting, even though i'm pretty thin by comparison, tons of bodyweight squats have not been helpful was the point.
http://www.rawpaleoforum.com/general-discussion/cant-do-asian-squat!/msg36664/#msg36664 (http://www.rawpaleoforum.com/general-discussion/cant-do-asian-squat!/msg36664/#msg36664)
I'll continue to try various things.
-
I just attended my first cross-fit and got my clock totally cleaned. there was only one other guy in the class but both him and the instructor seemed to treat me like special-needs or something. they do like 5 minutes strait of exercises for christ-sakes! high intensity shit, and towards the end you like jump up and down on this box, that when you have no energy from throwing up and down medicine balls and your heart is beating, it starts to seem possible that you will not make it on the box. The second round (I think you only rest a minute) I had to do it really half-ass or risk puking everywhere. My heart just wouldn't stop racing. I tried to tell the instructor I hadn't done any cardio in years and that I considered yoga to be too much cardio. haha. I was mostly hoping to socialize with some health minded people, but they didn't seem like folks i'd want to hang around with, but friendly enough. I'll probably go back at least to get the basic certification (3 class) so I can go to other gyms in the future, but other than the aerobics it doesn't look like a great place to meet girls either. ah well.
not much else is going on, I've found myself with less to complain about these days and sometimes feeling almost normal/good, so objectively that is a huge improvement. eating lots of grass fed liver, goats, bison, marrow, raw butter, and 1-4 meals a week of seafood and poultry, some ground meat and had a whole leg of lamb I've been picking at. I ate some berries and such and seem to be tolerating fruit somewhat better. although I had a green apple and got some feet itchyness. I seem not to get the ear thing or insane fatigue anymore, so perhaps that problem is correcting itself slowly with the high meats and such. I also seem to tolerate beet sugar and vegetable sugar ok mixed with egg. but mostly doing RZC days (with butter).
I'm having both an external and internal argument over salt these days. I do not consume salt. but activity and heat tend to cause various symptoms like cramping, headaches, fatigue etc...some people see this as low sodium, others salt detox and other detox. generally I'd go with the former but when I do try adding small amounts of salt I just get really thirsty and within the next few days I'm almost certain to have a headache. also people who consume salt say its because they sweat so much and need to replace salt. but it seems to be on a no salt diet there is less need to sweat. anyway, there is so many different opinions on this but it doesn't seem to be many fitting the description of no salt: very active (although I wouldn't call myself that per se), lots of time in the sun, VLC (not much hydration from minerals in fruits and veg), and all raw, although apparently there are cooked ZC athletes who consume no salt, and one would think on all raw there would be less dehydration and less need for water, which the pro-salt camps believe flush more salt out when taken in quantity.
just tonight was the first time I've gotten the cramping in awhile though, the workout really shook things up though so I'm more inclined to believe it shook things around, rather than being depleting
-
Don't be afraid to not complete some of the ridiculous cross-fit endurance stuff. You can easily get injured, especially early on. I hear they can be pretty fanatical and cultish so not finishing might be hard to do. This reminds me when I was taking yoga classes and realized that I was putting myself through tremendous pain to conform and not look a wimp in front of 40 year old ladies. Once I realized I didn't give a cougar's tit worth I relaxed and didn't strain and finally enjoyed the class.
Congrats on feeling normal, thats huge.
-
thanks buddy. yeah I might seem to get down on myself on some things, but as far as competitiveness, or ego, I have very little when it comes to things like sport. It was more of an eye-opener towards the benefits, especially in context of the weight-lifting thread and my inability to keep up with all my extensive body-weight experience and real world lifting.
I went back again today for part I of the actual foundation tutorial. The real kicker was not just that my endurance was off, but that I had alot of sore muscle groups that I clearly never engage in my routines. Tonight we did a basic breakdown on postures for all various Olympic lifting, and breakdowns of other exercises, some of which I was better at than others, like handstand pushups. They do this special kinda of rocking pull-up which I couldn't master, and my form was lousy on some of the barbel lifts and cleans and so forth. Apparently I have alot of tightness in my upper body, despite many years of yoga and diet. Other than that I actually kicked but during the actual time trial, and held back somewhat because I though it was going to be a double set like last time.
my plan is to go 1-2 times a week throughout the summer doing my normal routine on the side, and then moving on mostly to the gym right by my workplace once I've mastered most of the exercises.
not much else, I finally am taking a stab at internet dating. I figured if I was just as honest as I can be and put it aside and didn't pay it much mind something might just fall in my lap. I didn't mention raw meat, but I did say I'm pursuing a paleo type diet, and that I saw food as nutrition, so wasn't personally into restaurants and drinks etc...and I got a bunch of responses from some beautiful women in just a few days. We shall see how they tolerate high-meat breath.
-
Don't worry about not being able to do kipping pull-ups first time around (not that you worry) as they are very skill based and I'm not sure how much they translate to anything else, though cf will lead you to believe they do.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7spRknkD1hU
Beautiful women on internet dating in a few days? Either you have a wide (literally) definition of beauty or you have also gotten a huge amount of responses from the fatties. I'm on a site too and can't seem to find anyone that has both decent grammar skillz (sad, since my own standards are quite low) and attractiveness. Perhaps I'm being too picky... Online sites are great for banging random chicks though if you are into that sort of thing. One of my buddies from college who could never connect with any chicks suddenly became a stud once he went fishing online. It's like fishing with dynamite.
-
lol, no I'm serious, I actually have pretty high standards and am only looking for girls that I can see myself tolerating for more than sex. Nothing concrete has developed yet, so its pretty meaningless, other than the fact that I expected most people to be immediately turned off by what I wrote. It seems like from the female profiles that the males at least in my area are the ones who can't come up with anything other than "whadusdp Shorty"
-
Since you are mainly looking for a solid relationship (presumably one), I think your strategy of being as honest as you can be is correct. Some people, including my brother, attempt to tell me to avoid being upfront about my diet to women. I ignore this advice and I thought of an example to illustrate this point while driving to a farm today.
Suppose you have ten women that you are interested in and are available for pursuit of a romantic relationship and you have two options - either to not be as forthcoming as you can be about yourself, which might attract a greater number of women, or use your current strategy which might be off-putting to the vast majority but very appealing for one of them.
Here is some math behind this thinking. So, for the 10 women, going with the other strategy of concealing information you will have a much larger appeal, say each woman has on average a 30%(don't be offended by this number, its just used to illustrate a point) chance that she will want to start a relationship with you. On average, you will have 3 dates. This is similar to what politicians do. They have no need to be honest because they are looking for the broadest scope of appeal. And direct honesty will simply cause them to lose votes, at least thats how they think.
Now your strategy is completely different and to be honest which will lead to you having a 0% chance with 90% of the women and a 100% chance with 10% of them. As you can see, you will have on average about 1 date from the same 10 women above but the chance that this woman is truly for you is going to be much, much higher. With the alternate strategy, you would likely not even have a chance to date this woman (she probably wouldn't be one of the three), but with yours you are almost guaranteed to find her. The assumption that you are only looking for one woman for a long-term relationship is important here. You won't have to waste time dating women that won't be interested in you as well.
I apply this sort of reasoning when it comes to job applications. Most people have advised me to not put professional poker on my resume. Of course, I ignore this advice as I am just looking for one job and don't care how many times I get rejected. The one employer that happens to like the fact that I was a professional poker player will most likely be a great match. This seems like common sense but most people think in terms of getting the most people to like them which is not correct in my opinion.
-
yes, we should market this
We shall call it: The Ross Perot Strategy to Meeting Women. has a nice ring to it, too bad I don't have the accompanying bankroll.
I think not caring is really another asset. I just got out of a relationship and am not desperate. Women take notice of that - the latter. I have anxieties over the raw meat thing, so it makes way more sense to me to mention at least some limitations that will drive away those that are clearly not right, right away. I don't see what outcome your brother expects, its like with that other dating thread, of course I can muster up the energy to ask out a random woman (say in person), but what probability is there that there will be even a physical encounter (even if that is all one is seeking) without engaging the issue of eating raw meat. At the very least I'm looking for someone that is ok with what I do for my health, and isn't totally paranoid about how it might affect her or is just bothered otherwise. But just to clarify further, I said alot of replies from SOME beautiful women, so many of the replies were not beautiful or apparently could read my qualifiers. Laughably, this particular site keeps track of how many response you do not reply, thus giving it displayed status to be totally selective. Although the jokes on me still because I'll be surprised if when it comes down to it, the raw meat thing is not an issue. extreme upfront honesty might factor somewhat into this probability among such 'general' groups.
I totally agree about the resume, I've done the same with other activities and often had questions about them on interviews. although I've of course applied for many jobs without getting any call backs, most interviews I've been on have succeeded. I once put a little graphic kind of bar using dashes and things and a bunch of different but tasteful font choices, the woman said it was the least professional resume she had ever seen, and hired me. Ironically it was a somewhat creative/skilled job. She hired me for the experience, and maybe my resume choices didn't at all help, but they didn't hurt at least severely.
-
Well I did the third part in training for CrossFit tonight
it continues to be insane for me, just the instruction and warmups are enough to knock me on my ass before the actual 'workout' part. I actually fared ok though considering it was probably the hardest physical test in some time that I have faced.
it consisted of:
50 Thrusters (squats) [ with only 60-70? lbs of weight - http://media.crossfit.com/cf-video/CrossFit_BBThrusters.wmv]
50 Knees to Elbows [ http://media.crossfit.com/cf-video/CrossFit_Knees2Elbows.wmv]
50 Wall Ball [throwing a 14 lb medicine ball while squatting - http://media.crossfit.com/cf-video/CrossFit_Wallball.wmv]
50 sit-ups (I really like the cf sit-up, they use a special pad and you go through the full range of motion with fingers touching behind you to touching the floor in front of you, in other words, not super easy]
so this in any combination and until you finish. I didn't finish first but I think I might have chose a poor order, and the K2E exercise is just insanely hard especially when you are totally out of breath. After awhile it was like torture to do 5. The medicine ball too, because basically no matter how strong you are you are using a great deal of your own strength to throw it and the posture is just hard on your body.
I had to run for the warmup and I couldn't remember the last time I actually did that, heh, it didn't too feel bad. They have one workout that envolves running a mile, than doing all kinds of lifting/endurance, than running another mile. luckily they post the days workout on the web, so I'll be passing on that day for the time being.
we shall see how beneficial this continues to be, but I'm amazed how much my form improved with the various squats with instruction. The teachers I've had so far have all been excellent, and I'm fairly picking with learning things.
http://www.crossfit.com/cf-info/excercise.html
---
I ate a bunch of pecans for the first time in months the other night and had crazy dreams and woke up with a terrible headache. some people see nuts as brain type detox, and also don't recommend eating them at night. They could have of course just been rancid as I bought them at Whole Foods but I've been getting similar type symptoms lately like with the extreme exercise, feeling kind of feverish in my head. Still not sure if this is a postive or negative sign re:salt or hydration or possibly something with my diet or adaptation.
on an interesting note, WF is labeling some of their meats 100% grass-fed now, whereas before they only carried some packaged meat that had a label from a farm that I researched to be 100% grass-finished (or on legume grass or whatever) and they now have meat in the tank with that label. I'm not quite sure what to make of it because before the New Zealand lamb was simply labeled grass-fed which have been thought to be fed some grain there, and now they have a 100% grass-fed lamb. I'm quite sure on taste alone and it being somewhat leaner that this new stuff does seem like better quality. Either way its very tasty, the other stuff would get rank really quick.
-
http://www.rawpaleoforum.com/general-discussion/beds-pillows-indoors-and-outdoors-where-and-how-do-you-sleep/msg39370/#msg39370
funny I posted about moving into a new pad in the 'paleo bed' thread, and since then its been so hot that I've moved from my floor futon to the wood ground. The first night my sleep was disturbed because of the heat presumably and I don't even have a fan running, so I just grabbed a balled up winter blanked that is basically <1/4 in. unpadded and slept on that. its been 3 nights now and seems to work fine. I might just end up getting a futon frame that can double as a couch and just sleep on a blanket unless I have guests.
Things are continuing to be on the up in many ways, but in my increased wellness, it seems more feasible to piece my social life back together and I can't help but see things as bittersweet. What I unfortunately need to continue feeling well seems to act contrary to the kinds of things I want to do like build relationships/ travel etc...When I feel like totally crap it I guess appears more necessary and there is no questioning, although like I'm sure most of us know, there is paradoxically little available that heals one so that they are well enough to eat crap.
There were some issues brought up recently in regards to 'the health of the world' and the possibilities of raw. Let me just say I couldn't disagree more that the raw diet solves problems so easily or that people are all in abysmal health except for some due to a variety of miracles I suppose. I think when people crossover from raw being an incredible health accessory to being a panacea, or would improve random peoples lives I start to really wretch. Other than the often ignored technologies of ancients, everyone knows that folks have lived to 100 smoking and drinking and eating greasy sandwiches or whatever. I agree with some in that - that period is probably over. Very few people born post-war or much later will probably be so lucky. At the same time, I know PLENTY of people who look great in their 40's-50's who still smoke, still drink and live the big city social scene, live probably in super polluted buildings,work toxic jobs, drink tap water and definitely at least eat crap by RPD standards. I know baby boomers that are holding up fine, and contrary to popular belief, not everyone is on prescription drugs. Some people can't even afford them, probably have access to the worst foods and education about nutrition, and I see these people all the time looking totally fierce.
I've seen people on forums say the most ridiculous things (specifically raw vegans) about ditching all their 'SAD' peers and such, because obviously most people DO NOT understand. For most, they see it as some kind of deprivation from life's pleasures. I've been at this long enough to know that sometimes these kinds of concerns are dormant for years and can be rationalized or overcome by sheer determination, and yet largely according to statistics, people bail on the very things they sit around and vehemently defend like they have some magic mirror. Although many years have cleared the debris and the chemical cravings, I still get frustrated how I lost that ability to be blissfully ignorant a long time ago. If I knew I could non-symptomatically eat conventional crap even if it was totally poor tasting like acid and only had the social benefits I would take it in a second over eating suet like its an apple at work in order to maintain a slightly higher level of health. Its funny with vegans especially, that they can spend all their time training and picking fruit or whatever,following all the rules, claim the absolute best diet, and fail miserably in whatever area they are 'competitive' in. I think as RAF'ers of whatever variety, it pays to have some humility with some of this stuff and not play into the same patterns and dogma and make generalized comments about others they don't even know or can imagine how they feel.
http://www.rawpaleoforum.com/exercisebodybuilding/today%27s-workout/msg39513/#msg39513
ANYWAY...posted my latest exercise stuff, performing pretty well considering. eating very little protein these days (cow is tasting strange to me, and my supplies of goat and quality bison were dried out) and eating mostly marrow bones and suet again. Suet seems to be digesting well this time, but I'm still not a fan. Eggs have been tough to get too, so I've been massively under-eating again. I actually feel fine eating little food but the increased activity and heat are taking its toll on my weight again (although probably less so than one would expect with the huge detriment), but it could get precarious if I don't start shifting things more in a regular direction. More things I don't want to do...
Oh I shaved as well. I had a beard that grew in freak fast and ended up looking pretty bad.
-
Pretty stoked to be moving into a new place. 1st one bedroom I've had since 2000. I have the whole top floor of a house, which is enough room for me, all my stuff (which is nada), and like a small family.
Now that I'm sleeping on the floor, I don't even know much about what I am going to get for furniture. Someone left a nice futon frame, and I already have the futon I was sleeping on w/o frame. So I guess I am set for something more substantial if I have company.
also of note, due to the move theres a fire-sale on my high-meat stock. I've been chucking that stuff down alot more regularly to both finish it off also out of curiosity to see what happens.
http://www.rawpaleoforum.com/display-your-culinary-creations/high-meat-recipe-preparation-for-more-advanced-rafers/msg36840/#msg36840
The super task is finishing the 120 day old batch that I have been just airing passively for the last month in terror, I finally threw it back today. note to self, avoid the tongue completely, breath deep.
I have a back yard in the new place, but its like city style, and I don't want to freak out my neighbors just yet. plus from what I gather its good to have some month+ sized breaks in between taking high meat for longer periods.
I have a bunch of 60 day that I may bring with me, maybe just airing out one jar looks less conspicuous. or I could chug it.
------
http://www.rawpaleoforum.com/exercisebodybuilding/today%27s-workout/msg39789/#msg39789
still doing the CF stuff. doing well I suppose. doing all the stuff barefooted. I dropped a 25 lbs weight on my foot (just from its own height off a bar not waist height), and it definitely hurt(s), but never got swollen or anything.
------
The eating three times a day seems to work really well for me, not only can I take in a more appropriate amount of food, it seems to stimulate my appetite more. So hopefully I can gain a little bit over time again without too much effort, or at the very least keep up with activity. I've never dropped serious body-weight this last month or so, but it was getting precarious eating well under 2k most days. I look somewhat smaller, I think my legs have gotten slightly bigger. I think also my workouts were probably better in some ways for body-sculpting than CF which seems to be better at targeting other muscle groups that I avoided. I'm still doing my own thing here and there.
I've been eating more summer fruit (in terms of frequency anyway). seems I went from .5 lb of fruit every 1-2 weeks to every few days. I like taking it after a workout, but still the small amounts. mostly .5 but maybe up to 1-1.5 lb of stone fruits. I eat it with raw butter.
It seems the symptoms associated with fungal stuff seem to overall improve, although they shift around. Before any sugar was followed by all: fatigue, itchy ears, itchy feet and often itchy other places. then it was just fatigue and some feet itching. now it seems like I'm just back getting the ear thing and it isn't as bad, perhaps some fatigue, but doesn't seem to correspond to GI at all. Berries seem to be the worst for some reason, which leads me to believe its possibly some kind of repair, as my energy overall seems to be getting better and better.
the other catch with the new place is I will not be able to afford any basic stuff like cable or internet, so we'll see how that goes. I'll be able to check in here and there at work and maybe cafes, but won't be able to engage much in heated conversations. Probably better off for all parties. :) I lived for many years that way so I'm not too concerned, and rather looking forward to being forced into more interaction and more 'meaningful' activities.
-
...but won't be able to engage much in heated conversations.
:'(
;) Sounds like you're doing great, KD. I'm happy for you. :)
-
thanks Cinna. I like to complain but yeah, can't complain as much these days :). As for the convos, I'm sure I'll find some way to manage...
Recent updtates: Without planning it out, I'm basically walking distance to the only quality farmers market in the area.
There I can get really quality brisket (frozen) and 100% pastured eggs (cheapish) and organs. So I've upped my egg intake greatly for a bit to see how that goes. Still eating alot of bones, butter, bison, lamb, goat and some suet, peppered with meals here and there of scallops and chicken and small servings of fruit every few days. The major change is I've caved under pressure and started to add Redmond's Real Salt to my diet. Not to assuage any symptom per se but just because I've had little salt in almost 5 years. So far the major seemingly obvious effect is I need to drink alot more water which is a real drag. I seem to drink more water than anyone at CF, which makes little sense other than the VLC component, but odds are many people there are not consuming many raw carbs and are consuming lots of dehydrated cooked foods so its kindof a 'what gives?' I don’t seem to have major HCL issues but I get occasional burping here and there, so we’ll see if this makes much of a dif.
The only downside of the new place is the water is the most chlorinated I have ever seen and is milky. I intended on getting a filter for drinking, but I think I'll have to get a filter just for hand and dish washing and keep using bottled mineral water which is $$ & -d. I just got my shower filter in the mail, so we'll see how that goes. Still have my existential woes about the diet and wanting to not be the wierd guy with the meat fridge, but I have to say I've feeling pretty dam good.
here are my recent workouts. Doing well energy/stamina wise
Sun:
Row 2K
50 wall ball (20/14-lb)
Row 1k
30 Wall ball (20/14-lb)
Row 500 M
20 Wall Ball (20/14-lb)
http://media.crossfit.com/cf-video/CrossFit_Wallball.wmv]
in total that makes 3.5 k row! and 100 wallball
Fri:
Worked on Power Cleans @95 lb
WOD: 30 Burpee Clean and Jerks (I used 65lb, supposed to be 135lb, getting the form down)
Hands start on bar. Do a burpee (chest touches bar), come up do a clean and jerk. Hands cannot come off bar once burpee is started, but they can come off in between reps.
cheers
-
Still have my existential woes about the diet and wanting to not be the wierd guy with the meat fridge, but I have to say I've feeling pretty dam good.
FWIW, we like that you're the weird, meat fridge guy who wears really short shorts... don't change.
-
FWIW, we like that you're the weird, meat fridge guy who wears really short shorts... don't change.
:)
Things are going well, I sorta co-oped Lex's journal for a bit so some of my recent thoughts are there re: the nature of energy and fuel. I tend to get bummed out with the idea that I have to go into further deeper adaptations, detoxes, and whathave you, and the thought of doing anything above and beyond what I already do for health is usually distressing as I've had alot of ups and downs on this path. It seems to only have bothered me for a day or so and I'm back to just appreciating the upward trends. I tend to live my life pretty well ignorning much of this stuff but from time to time I ask myself basic questions that I never have answers for which brings up some control related anxieties. Things like salt/no salt, green plants/no plants etc...I still struggle with the idea of doing this diet long term and how it affects my life on a daily basis.
For instance I 'went out for a drink' the other day, in a completely platonic way with some women. I havn't had a drink for almost 5 years, and I gave it up for health reasons and never really severe issues or anything (at least in comparrison to most people I know!). I've also never had a problem hanging out at bars with either friends or strangers when I lived in the city. The problem with this was it was during the day time, outside, and I met them specifically for a drink. When I came down to it, I jsut shooed the waitress off and all was fine, but I did stew about it the days before somewhat. The actual eating stuff of course goes way beyond that. It bothers me that its clearly such an issue, especially in forming real relationships/parternships etc...I guess my goal therefore which I've picked up on over the years is to be very healthy and confident about things as to make it a non issue and to be more flexible in various occasions. Of course this won't necessarily work magic with women who find the whole thing totally repulsive and antisocial (seemed to be a factor in my last relationship). also some people moved into my appartment house which seem pretty cool, and seemed to express interest in hanging out etc...It just seems odd to me that eventually I'll have to let in people that I don't even know really into my thing. The fact that they live in the building bothers me.
Anyway, I did try some cooked food again for the first time in awhile. Maybe others do this all the time and don't talk about it, but I'll make my little formal annoucement and say the experience (so far) seemed to be fairly negligable. I went to a non-WF natural market that seems to have totally shit meat section. They have decent seafood, as all that comes from the same port around here more or less, but everything looked pretty bland. I bought some in-store made chicken sausages that were sourced I guess form Bell & Evans, which sells pretty quality chicken that I eat raw. These wern't labeled organic or anything though but the ingredients were minimal (chicken, salt spieces basically) and they actually carried 'fertile eggs' that are proudly stamped '100% grain fed'. ahh well they tasted pretty good with the sausages. I ate a bunch of raw sauerkraut, some lettuce leaf and herbs I had picked, and some dulse. I experienced some mucous the next day but it was nothing like when I tried the bone broths, I was able to workout the (next) same day.
http://www.rawpaleoforum.com/exercisebodybuilding/today's-workout/msg43192/#msg43192
-
I tend to live my life pretty well ignorning much of this stuff but from time to time I ask myself basic questions that I never have answers for which brings up some control related anxieties. Things like salt/no salt, green plants/no plants etc...I still struggle with the idea of doing this diet long term and how it affects my life on a daily basis.
I am often in a state of confusion/indecision, so sometimes it's much easier for me to just self muscle-test, especially if I'm not trusting or hearing my intuition, because my body knows better than my mind/chatter/thought does. I get an instant answer and go with it - saves time. (Even if my self muscle-testing could occasionally be biased, I figure that I get the answer that I really wanted to get, so I go for it! It's a hope-to-win, maybe-win situation. :D )
For instance I 'went out for a drink' the other day, in a completely platonic way with some women. I havn't had a drink for almost 5 years, and I gave it up for health reasons and never really severe issues or anything (at least in comparrison to most people I know!). I've also never had a problem hanging out at bars with either friends or strangers when I lived in the city. The problem with this was it was during the day time, outside, and I met them specifically for a drink. When I came down to it, I jsut shooed the waitress off and all was fine, but I did stew about it the days before somewhat.
Just wanted to clarify, so you didn't have anything to drink?
The actual eating stuff of course goes way beyond that. It bothers me that its clearly such an issue, especially in forming real relationships/parternships etc...I guess my goal therefore which I've picked up on over the years is to be very healthy and confident about things as to make it a non issue and to be more flexible in various occasions. Of course this won't necessarily work magic with women who find the whole thing totally repulsive and antisocial (seemed to be a factor in my last relationship). also some people moved into my appartment house which seem pretty cool, and seemed to express interest in hanging out etc...It just seems odd to me that eventually I'll have to let in people that I don't even know really into my thing. The fact that they live in the building bothers me.
Being very healthy and confident and making it a non-issue is a great, reasonable plan. I try to do the same (in other areas of my life). If I can make something a non-issue from the start, I do, and it's done. But other things take a bit longer - definitely a process, like a Tibetan knot: "Often when we tug at one part of a knot while trying to loosen it, another part becomes tighter. You have to work with the knot to enable it to come undone." I think it's natural, part of one's process, even part of one's life's "work." Sorry, I know I sound so vague...
I realize it takes time to work with the knot until it finally comes undone. It requires patience, self-kindness, self-understanding, and unconditional self-acceptance. It's definitely an inside job (where I really should be working my magic). Today, one might wonder, "Hm. I wonder if this person would find my diet repulsive/antisocial/unacceptable..." In the future, one might wonder instead, "Hm. I wonder if this person possesses the wisdom/intelligence and sensitivity to realize how amazing I am... I wonder if this person will recognize/acknowledge and honor what my body and spirit have been through, how far I've come to find my own way and heal myself, and how passionate I am about health, fitness, and clarity and peace of mind... I wonder if this person would respect me and my WOE, as much as I would respect him/her and his/her WOE... If this person were so lucky, s/he would be so blessed to know me and be part of my life." I just thought I would reframe it, since it's so easy to see oneself in a skewed way. I'm often surprised to hear how my friends/coworkers perceive me or how they feel about me - it's much better than how I usually see myself or feel about myself. Hm.
AFAIK, you're not a pedophile, necrophiliac, or sex trafficker of women and children... at least, you haven't let on that you're any of those things. Many/most people would find the above repulsive/unacceptable. I see eating RAF for your health and well-being as something admirable. As soon as it's a non-issue, people who would be repulsed by RAF would just pass you on the street anyway. You wouldn't notice them; they wouldn't notice you so much... and that's plum great! When there's no longer a charge, you'll draw in people who respect and admire you for how you eat. Nevermind "tolerate" or "accept" - you deserve better than that.
KD, I hope you don't take offense to what may seem like advice-giving. Honestly, if I ever appear to be giving advice on this forum, I'm actually secretly speaking to myself (reinforcing my personal beliefs, encouraging myself to practice what I preach, giving myself some reassurance, et al.). When I have a charge with a particular issue, I tend to attract people who judge me for exactly what I am self-conscious/insecure/ashamed about. And I attract situations where people, who are already in my life, blessedly remind me over and over and over again (and over again more) what more inside work I have. I don't have so much issue with trying to go RAF/RPD, but I have other issues and I'm figuring out how to apply what I've written here to those issues. I won't go into what those issues are, but FWIW, I think they are "worse" than eating RAF - in fact, way worse, since I consider RPD so healthy. ;)
Oh, and no - my issues do not include pedophilia, necrophilia, or sex trafficking.
-
Nope, still clean, mean, and sober
Thanks for your wonderful thoughts. I've pretty much been involved with refining most of these internal processes you speak of other than the muscle-testing. I think journaling, in a way, is part of this process in terms of getting things out there that you can then see the transparency and frivilousness of it all in respect to the big picture.
feel free to speak to yourself here, I'm actually not checking alot of threads here these days to avoid even more contention in my life :) and rather enjoyed what you wrote.
--------
http://www.rawpaleoforum.com/exercisebodybuilding/today's-workout/msg44185/#msg44185
-
Nope, still clean, mean, and sober
Congratulations on being able to do that for so long. I have never been a big drinker and usually manage just fine - feeling fine - not drinking while the people around me are, but since I can drink for free where I work and sometimes I just want to partake like everybody else and it has been extra stressful lately, I have had some Ladybug Red diluted with water recently and I had a very small glass of beer (maybe 5-6 oz.) last week - just for the taste because I love the taste. OK, also to drink alongside a coworker who recently turned 21 - I was helping him continue to celebrate. ;)
I think I would have been just as happy with a shot glass-sized amount of beer (I take a sip and hold it in my mouth for awhile to taste - I don't chug or swallow/drink it like water), but at the time I was thinking it would be such a pain for the bartender to fill a shot glass with beer from the tap! It would be easier if I couldn't drink for free (I have some freegan tendencies) - I only drink at work, haha. I have to applaud your discipline.
Thanks for your wonderful thoughts. I've pretty much been involved with refining most of these internal processes you speak of other than the muscle-testing. I think journaling, in a way, is part of this process in terms of getting things out there that you can then see the transparency and frivilousness of it all in respect to the big picture.
feel free to speak to yourself here, I'm actually not checking alot of threads here these days to avoid even more contention in my life :) and rather enjoyed what you wrote.
Aw, you're a prince, KD... I don't want my own forum journal, so I'm so happy that I can speak to myself here in your journal! Thank you, I'll be sure to talk about my period (once every 28 days), ovaries, costume jewelry, organic tampons, feng shui, Alien Nation, homeopathy, baby goats, and other critical questions/issues pertaining to life and career - liquid eyeliner or pencil eyeliner? I'll be posting pix of my cats and comic book collection here, as well. OK? Swell! I'm co-opting your journal because you said I could. :D
I've been following the Live Owl Nest Box Cam that you mentioned awhile back... I have a great, totem animal affinity for barn owls, so have been observing Molly since she was sitting on her four eggs. The last two owlets didn't make it and the cameras were turned off at the appropriate times so without an audience, Molly could do what barn owls do when their young die. http://www.birds.cornell.edu/Publications/Birdscope/Summer2006/view_sapsucker_summer2006.html
So fascinating... Anyways, apparently Molly and McGee are quite famous now with a great following and even merchandise (which doesn't bother me as much as I would have thought it would - I think the Box owners are very good people and have approached things tastefully - I have the feeling that the fans strongly desire this merchandise). Some of the fans are really into it. The two surviving owlets are at that super funny-looking age. :) Cute. http://www.sportsmansparadiseonline.com/Live_Owl_Nest_Box_Cam.html
Thank you for mentioning the Box Cam. It's one thing to hear about how owls hatch and care for their young, but totally different to see it everyday - to watch Molly dutifully sitting on her eggs almost 24/7, to know that she relies on McGee to get her food while she's sitting on the eggs, to know that they're mates for life... it's no wonder that people are so endeared to them - even naming the owlets, mourning their deaths, making artwork inspired by the owls, baking cakes! http://mollysbox.wordpress.com/blog/
Crazy. Crazy fine/OK, not crazy bad.
I haven't been on the forum as much as I was a couple weeks ago. I've gotten so much out of everybody's contributions, but I can't keep up with all of it and I was doing too much forum-ing, and not enough implementing and focusing and actual doing. So I'm def not up to speed with all the discussions, but I still love to connect/check out/catch up because the support is invaluable, especially during transition. So I'm thankful to the wonderful people on the forum. :) And to KD, for indulging me in his journal! ;)
-
OMG, Molly is The Matrix!
:)
I liked how their floor at one point was basically a bunch of dead rat heads. Its amazing that the technology is accessible to have a non-nature show DIY view into the gritty reality of such things.
ah, ladybug is like a wine blend. hmm. I've had this internal conversation over the years as to hypothetically what alcohol would be workable. I know Daniel Vitalis and a few other raw veg type folks are into raw beers as potential health tonics, and probably wines although I hear less about that other than most wines I believe being raw. Then their are the ones made form sugar cane and agave and not grain, which would probably knock me on the floor pretty quick these days. Years ago I used to ride around on my bike with Jameson in my back pocket and it would be gone by the end of the night. I'd somehow manage to ride home on Manhattan bridge and such. Things like that make me tend to believe in angels. :). Seems like everyone at my CF gym drinks beer and eats flexible 'paleo' and most people seem really healthy to me.
(http://i236.photobucket.com/albums/ff68/kresseger/45203_1601149193512_1379520084_1668895_5776058_n.jpg?t=1283024951)
heres an updated pic. my hair looks pretty shiny and curly. the recipe is shower filter + sun + 12 bison bones a week. Actually, unfortunately I've been getting alot less sun in the last few weeks. I'm considering getting the 'now' brand vitamin D softgels, particularly for the winter.
They have the coolest thing at the gym now. http://rosstraining.com/blog/2010/04/09/softball-grip-pull-ups/ soft-ball grips for pull-ups. I tried them out last night and this morning I busted out 10 in a row, which I think is pretty good considering 10 deadhangs in general ain't an easy piece of cake. It seems to work more of your bicep and forearms rather then your back as much.
Still struggling with the overhead squats and snatches and so forth. I did a 1.5 hour long muscular mobility massage afterward which was super intense. After one session I'm already a believer that such things are probably essential for proper muscle development, and is likely what alot of the pros and actors and such do. The foam rollers and simmilar things are great but they don't even remotely compare. I feel that particularly on this diet with a lot of breakdown, catabolism and repair, there can be alot of build up of stuck energy and stuck tissue which can just cause poor advancement, or serious problems long term or just plain stress, pain there or elsewhere, or just reabsorbtion of toxins back into tissue. Various types of yoga (kundalini) or qi gong are specifically designed deal with alot of this sort of thing but I believe we require more and not less attention on raw to this kind of flow of old matter. How effective is throwing a bunch of clean sponges into a room full of trash bags?
On a side note, my skin continues to get cleaner, more transparent, and vascular, I can see the veins protruding except for the main line by the upper bicep. I can still feel a little of the little balls under the skin that Dr. Cassar talks about, but along with the major energy shift, slightly increased tolerance towards carbs and cooked meat experiments, I feel like I'm making alot of progress with any remaining fungal stuff and just generally. I'm eating a bit more and throwing down alot more eggs, without any conscious effort, I've actually managed to climb back in the upper 160's, all of it being in a big lump on my stomach. kidding :) my stomach is pretty lean thanks to all the bike riding and doing sit-ups at CF, which i never really do on my own workouts. I'm guessing I've put some mass on my legs, they are looking more fierce.
http://www.rawpaleoforum.com/exercisebodybuilding/today%27s-workout/msg44630/#msg44630
bring on the feral pix and the organic tampons. I fear nothing.
-
ah, ladybug is like a wine blend. hmm. I've had this internal conversation over the years as to hypothetically what alcohol would be workable. I know Daniel Vitalis and a few other raw veg type folks are into raw beers as potential health tonics, and probably wines although I hear less about that other than most wines I believe being raw. Then their are the ones made form sugar cane and agave and not grain, which would probably knock me on the floor pretty quick these days.
Yes, that is Ladybug Red. :) Interesting...
I'm back to not drinking. If I can't help myself, I'm sure I could limit it to a few ounces. It's taste that I like, not quantity (unless I want to numb out and go crazy, haha kinda sorta).
heres an updated pic. my hair looks pretty shiny and curly. the recipe is shower filter + sun + 12 bison bones a week.
OK, KD, you're not allowed to complain anymore about the difficulty of finding people whom you can eat RAF in front of. You are gorgeous. And with good health, happiness, and shiny-hair-good-looks, you should feel free to eat RAF anywhere you please and even a decently intelligent cooked vegan would notice you - not what you're eating. And if this hypothetical cooked vegan were more concerned with what you were eating, then you would know that this person had issues and that his/her priorities were screwed up. ;) If someone has issue with your WOE, you are not the one with the problem.
I do believe that food "culture" is usually a huge part of a person's personality/identity/life (I even did an oral report about it in a Southeast Asian Literature course), but at the same time, we are more than our fuel of choice. We are also funny jokes, intelligent conversation, silliness, kindness, shiny locks, fierce legs, et al. I wonder if you've really given people the chance to reject you - or not reject you. If you don't fully disclose what you eat to people who become very close (emotionally and/or proximity-wise) to you, people are liable to wonder and imagine their own frightening conclusions ("OMG, I bet KD eats tires and human babies..."). You don't have to walk around wearing a t-shirt that says, "Don't hate me because I'm beautiful and eat raw bison bones" (although you could, justified), but maybe give people whom you trust the chance to accept you, approve of you, admire you, adore you. People can't approve of and adore us unless we give them the chance/opportunity to do so. I'm not preaching because I have my own tire-eating secrets, but I'm just saying. :) I'm sure there are plenty of people who would be comfortable if you ate RAF in front of them (maybe more comfortable than you might be at first) and once you know it, these people will appear and would be very honored if you ate RAF in front of them. Just know it, own it, work it. :)
I feel that particularly on this diet with a lot of breakdown, catabolism and repair, there can be alot of build up of stuck energy and stuck tissue which can just cause poor advancement, or serious problems long term or just plain stress, pain there or elsewhere, or just reabsorbtion of toxins back into tissue. Various types of yoga (kundalini) or qi gong are specifically designed deal with alot of this sort of thing but I believe we require more and not less attention on raw to this kind of flow of old matter. How effective is throwing a bunch of clean sponges into a room full of trash bags?
I had to read this about a dozen times before I got it... I got it! And I agree.
bring on the feral pix and the organic tampons. I fear nothing.
I'll bring it. Don't worry.
I just have a video to share today... it doesn't quite fit anywhere on the forum (without unnecessarily creating a new topic), so I'm putting it here. :) I love the concept of best friends, best buds - from Bruce Banner and Rick Jones to Logan and Kurt Wagner... Anyways, I love seeing it in the animal world as well.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cBtFTF2ii7U
-
Yes, that is Ladybug Red. :) Interesting...
I'm back to not drinking. If I can't help myself, I'm sure I could limit it to a few ounces. It's taste that I like, not quantity (unless I want to numb out and go crazy, haha kinda sorta).
...I have had some Ladybug Red diluted with water recently and I had a very small glass of beer (maybe 5-6 oz.) last week - just for the taste because I love the taste. OK, also to drink alongside a coworker who recently turned 21 - I was helping him continue to celebrate. ;)
I think I would have been just as happy with a shot glass-sized amount of beer (I take a sip and hold it in my mouth for awhile to taste - I don't chug or swallow/drink it like water)...
I think this is the first time I've quoted myself (twice!), but I just found this article on "Right Drinking":
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/lodro-rinzler/buddhism-and-alcohol-what_b_695369.html
(excerpt)
With that said, I think Right Drinking would include the following:
1. Know your intention: are you motivated to drink as a practice tool? To shake off a bad day at work? To relax with a friend? To drink your sorrows away? Knowing in advance what you're intending to use alcohol for is important. Drinking alcohol is a bit like taking out a chainsaw; if you don't know what you intend to do with it, you're going to get hurt.
2. Taste it: this is a very simple way to bring mindfulness to your drinking habits. Don't chug, don't gulp it down, but try to taste every sip. Enjoy the alcohol you drink. Along those lines, I'd recommend drinking less and drinking good alcohol -- quality, not quantity.
3. Watch what happens to your mind as you drink: notice the effect the alcohol has on you. You don't have to make a big deal of it, but you can at least pause after you finish a drink, look up, rest your mind, and see how you feel.
4. Find your own Middle Way: it might be that you're walking the fine line between relaxed, spacious, and pleasant now, but will one more drink push you over the edge into crazy town? As Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche encouraged his students to do, stop while you can still appreciate the situation.
Alcohol is easy to abuse. I don't want to seem like I'm trying to make binge-drinking OK by saying it is meditation. That's the opposite of what I'm trying to get across. Instead, I'm saying let's bring mindfulness to the act of drinking. Let's not overindulge; let's work with our craving in a fashion similar to the way we work with it on the meditation cushion. Let's enjoy the experience without falling into the trap of confusion.
At the end of the night of a Right Drinking, don't be surprised if instead of feeling woozy you feel refreshed by the experience.
(end excerpt)
The article also references this article on "mindful drinking":
http://www.beliefnet.com/Faiths/Buddhism/2004/08/Awareness-In-Every-Sip.aspx
(excerpt)
Here's the basic idea: Once a meditator has developed basic Buddhist discipline (known as Hinayana training) and adopted the intention to dedicate his or her life to benefit others (the Mahayana view) the practitioner is ready to incorporate Vajrayana teachings, where the simple prohibitions outlined in the Sutras are re-evaluated. When a meditator reaches this point, which often takes a number years in the Shambhala tradition, a dangerous substance like alcohol is viewed as a potential aide for the practitioner. Within the context of strong discipline and clear intention, alcohol holds the possibility of no longer acting as a conventional escape, but instead being a tool for loosening the subtle clinging of ego.
(end excerpt)
All this time, I've been a mindful drinker and didn't realize it. :D
-
OK, KD, you're not allowed to complain anymore about the difficulty of finding people whom you can eat RAF in front of. You are gorgeous. And with good health, happiness, and shiny-hair-good-looks, you should feel free to eat RAF anywhere you please and even a decently intelligent cooked vegan would notice you - not what you're eating. And if this hypothetical cooked vegan were more concerned with what you were eating, then you would know that this person had issues and that his/her priorities were screwed up. ;) If someone has issue with your WOE, you are not the one with the problem.
Thanks, I'm going for somewhere in between Logan and Wagner. Hopefully with pretty strong bones and ability to disappear quick!
I dunno, alot of this is just based on my experiences and also experiences on other raw diets. I do think most of this fades into the background if one is happy and healthy, but the problems isn't always getting someone to love you, its all the day to day stuff. So for me it has less to do with confidence although that always plays some role, especially since no one really definitively knows what is right which will create some minor insecurities. In my head I do try to keep it on my day to day and not worry about those future things. There are some developments in the works, I'll report as it unfolds.
I had to read this about a dozen times before I got it... I got it! And I agree.
yeah I seem to have a trademark here on dense impenetrable writing. Doesn't help that I leave out connective words sometimes and spell shit wrong. I had a philosophy teacher that really hammered down that writing something your grandmother could understand was the only tried and true way of knowing that you understand it yourself. I don't know if its my nature, or from reading comparable dense theory, but I find it a challenge and time consuming to do so sometimes so what comes out is how it comes to me. The Frenchies here seem to be bothered by it, but I'll just take the fifth and blame Althusser.
(excerpt)
With that said, I think Right Drinking would include the following:
1. Know your intention:
ah yes, I remember The Tequila Texas Chainsaw Massacre.
---------
I went to the beach yesterday and did some barefoot sprinting. It felt great. I was recently reminded by my dad that I was the fastest kid in my county when they used to corral everyone together to form soccer teams or whatever. haven't run at all really since my hip thing 5+ years ago and never much else before that. I'm really hoping I can pick it up again as it seems to be from an anatomical standpoint would be my best athletic pursuit. I live in a semi-industrial wasteland so I can't exactly hop out the house and go running. but there is a pretty clean path a few miles away I can bike to. I might try that.
--------
I've been talking to Teddy (PD) on the phone. He's doing well. He got a steady job tutoring school, and is reflecting and working hard on getting everything else into a better spot.
-
Thanks, I'm going for somewhere in between Logan and Wagner. Hopefully with pretty strong bones and ability to disappear quick!
I dunno, alot of this is just based on my experiences and also experiences on other raw diets. I do think most of this fades into the background if one is happy and healthy, but the problems isn't always getting someone to love you, its all the day to day stuff. So for me it has less to do with confidence although that always plays some role, especially since no one really definitively knows what is right which will create some minor insecurities. In my head I do try to keep it on my day to day and not worry about those future things. There are some developments in the works, I'll report as it unfolds.
Yeah... Nightcrawler was/is my favorite X-man - in the books, not the movie. I was so disappointed in the movie's characterization. Superpower effects were awesome, but actor's portrayal was all wrong to me. The movies deviate so far from the books. I can understand why they would have to do that, but the real magic for me was in the books. I should just be grateful that they made good X-men movies.
I hope it didn't sound like I was minimizing your feelings and experiences. I have my own existential woes and we're all spread out all over the world but connected online like some RPD soul group. I feel like an RPD cheerleader - I want all of us to be happy and healthy and feel supported. As the days go by, I think I'm understanding better what you mean by "all the day to day stuff." I had a mini-meltdown last night and realized that in my head, I can "fix" everything with my wonderful thoughts, but when it comes down to it, the individual moments can be challenging and the challenging moments collectively, for me - somewhat overwhelming and mini-meltdown-aggravating.
yeah I seem to have a trademark here on dense impenetrable writing. Doesn't help that I leave out connective words sometimes and spell shit wrong. I had a philosophy teacher that really hammered down that writing something your grandmother could understand was the only tried and true way of knowing that you understand it yourself. I don't know if its my nature, or from reading comparable dense theory, but I find it a challenge and time consuming to do so sometimes so what comes out is how it comes to me. The Frenchies here seem to be bothered by it, but I'll just take the fifth and blame Althusser.
I think it's in your nature and from reading comparable dense theory. ;) It is true, sometimes I have no idea what you're talking about (not that I always understand everybody here), but often it's a lack of education/exposure to the subject/topic/person on my part. Sometimes I can decipher what you mean and when I can't, I just trust that it's your brilliance going over my head. :) It is challenging and time-consuming to write lucidly all the time - it takes me a long time to compose and edit a post (and even then, I'm sure sometimes people are like, "Wha??"), don't be like that (me).
I can't help it. I have an uncanny (haha) kinesthetic reaction to spelling (and grammatical) errors. I can open a page in a book or a menu, for example, and instantly feel/know that something is awry... it may take a few seconds or longer to locate the error on the page, but I know it's there. I've proofread professionally, but I don't like to. I'm AR enough as it is, I don't want to focus or obsess on the details of every little thing - but I'm good at it. I'm like the brilliant math genius (except I'm not a genius) who is more passionate about karaoke and isn't even that good of a singer, but dreams of becoming a professional lounge singer and has little interest in doing math... Oh, it reminds me of Serena Williams becoming a nail technician! I love it.
http://www.nydailynews.com/gossip/2010/02/17/2010-02-17_serena_williams_takes_time_away_from_the_tennis_courts_to_become_a_certified_nai.html
Adorable. I think some people (at least one gal on The Wendy Williams Show) thought that it was silly/ridiculous. I thought, "Awesome!" She's passionate about nails and not ashamed of her passion.
ah yes, I remember The Tequila Texas Chainsaw Massacre.
Lol, yeah...
I've been talking to Teddy (PD) on the phone. He's doing well. He got a steady job tutoring school, and is reflecting and working hard on getting everything else into a better spot.
I was wondering how PD was. I'm so glad that he's doing well. :)
-
Yeah... Nightcrawler was/is my favorite X-man - in the books, not the movie. I was so disappointed in the movie's characterization. Superpower effects were awesome, but actor's portrayal was all wrong to me. The movies deviate so far from the books. I can understand why they would have to do that, but the real magic for me was in the books. I should just be grateful that they made good X-men movies.
I'm surprised you are calling the X-men movies 'good'. Watchmen was 'good'
X-men (particularity 3) was a joke.
they should have someone like Nolan do a really dark X-men with a 'real' Rouge, Nightcrawler etc...maybe Gambit. with cool villains like Hellfire Club. Instead it looks like they actually might be some watered down version in the 'X-men First Class' film with January Jones (Mad Men) playing White Queen directed by the guy who did 500 Days of Summer. eeech. Kevin Bacon is in it also. The Green Lantern (which could potentially be like a Star Trek meets Spider-Man) is inevitably going to be a colossal cinematic flop as well unfortunately.
I hope it didn't sound like I was minimizing your feelings and experiences. I have my own existential woes and we're all spread out all over the world but connected online like some RPD soul group. I feel like an RPD cheerleader - I want all of us to be happy and healthy and feel supported. As the days go by, I think I'm understanding better what you mean by "all the day to day stuff." I had a mini-meltdown last night and realized that in my head, I can "fix" everything with my wonderful thoughts, but when it comes down to it, the individual moments can be challenging and the challenging moments collectively, for me - somewhat overwhelming and mini-meltdown-aggravating.
someone once impressed upon me that one of the only things you CAN control (if you are even able to) are your thoughts, and that trying to control circumstances is fairly trying and ineffective. The idea I guess is that if one is comfortable within ones thoughts, they don't have a tremendous amount of expectations for circumstances to make them feel particularly better or worse. Like not having any sense of 'hot' without 'cold' it becomes less easy to be bogged down by circumstances which are inevitably temporary. This has proven fairly true for me, but it doesn't mean that the circumstances arn't there or don't need to be handled or dealt with. I wish.
I think it's in your nature and from reading comparable dense theory. ;) It is true, sometimes I have no idea what you're talking about (not that I always understand everybody here), but often it's a lack of education/exposure to the subject/topic/person on my part. Sometimes I can decipher what you mean and when I can't, I just trust that it's your brilliance going over my head. :) It is challenging and time-consuming to write lucidly all the time - it takes me a long time to compose and edit a post (and even then, I'm sure sometimes people are like, "Wha??"), don't be like that (me).
I can't help it. I have an uncanny (haha) kinesthetic reaction to spelling (and grammatical) errors. I can open a page in a book or a menu, for example, and instantly feel/know that something is awry... it may take a few seconds or longer to locate the error on the page, but I know it's there. I've proofread professionally, but I don't like to. I'm AR enough as it is, I don't want to focus or obsess on the details of every little thing - but I'm good at it. I'm like the brilliant math genius (except I'm not a genius) who is more passionate about karaoke and isn't even that good of a singer, but dreams of becoming a professional lounge singer and has little interest in doing math... Oh, it reminds me of Serena Williams becoming a nail technician! I love it.
yeah, I definitely think its half lack of editing, and half of it is that I actually think and talk in fairly complicated sentences sometimes. I tried to convince myself that it was just a writing style but I catch myself in conversation sometimes. I think it works better in person or on the phone, because like with the writing its more spontaneous and there is no expectation for it to be perfect and have clarity, but complex writing just works poorly when it is spontaneous and chocked full of error. I'll have to start using you as my editor in chief. :) like in above I used 'day-to-day' in two completely opposite statements: the 1st to mean like going out in the world and being presented with conflicts and 2.) taking things day at a time, focusing on the present. whoops
-
I'm surprised you are calling the X-men movies 'good'. Watchmen was 'good'
X-men (particularity 3) was a joke.
OK, KD, you're right in calling me out on that... because I didn't really mean it - that the movies were good. I was almost going to put "decent" - as in, quite decent, high production values in that slick, Hollywood-y way... c'mon, you have to give me that!
The reason why I put "good" was to avoid the wrath of any lurking fanboy/fangirl who professed to be an X-men fan. I'll rephrase what I truly meant: I should just be grateful that they made "good" X-men movies - "good" as in high production values and satisfactory to the mainstream public - but I'm really honestly fit to be tied that the movies didn't live up to my dreams, but I look for something to appreciate... and I do appreciate the attempt to bring these beloved characters to life even though it was so wrong in so many ways. It's hard to forgive "them" for the storylines and casting, but at least the books stand on their own.
It was still exciting to hope that the movies would be good. My sis (who had read comics too, but not superhero - Sandman and such) was so excited to take me to X2 because she really thought it was "good" (she had seen it before I did). I tried to explain to her why it/all was a disappointment to true X-men fans/readers. I worked in the comic book industry and as a former industry professional/reader/fangirl/collector, I suppose I am entitled to be supercritical of the movies, but instead I went for paranoid, preemptive "keeping the peace." I'll try to be more honest next time.
they should have someone like Nolan do a really dark X-men with a 'real' Rouge, Nightcrawler etc...maybe Gambit. with cool villains like Hellfire Club.
Yeah, Hellfire Club! I'm very fond of the Chris Claremont-Jim Lee era, but I think I really fell in love pre-Dark Phoenix Saga.
Instead it looks like they actually might be some watered down version in the 'X-men First Class' film with January Jones (Mad Men) playing White Queen directed by the guy who did 500 Days of Summer. eeech.
Haha!
Kevin Bacon is in it also. The Green Lantern (which could potentially be like a Star Trek meets Spider-Man) is inevitably going to be a colossal cinematic flop as well unfortunately.
Why so pessimistic? No, I understand. I didn't even see the second Hulk movie (my two favorite books of all time are The Incredible Hulk circa Peter David and The Uncanny X-men). The Green Lantern seems to be popular enough (judging by all the TGL t-shirts I'd see at Comicon - this was several years ago, before Comicon blew up - when Comicon was still about comics), but alas, I was true Marvel spirit (except for various independent stuff and Shade, the Changing Man).
someone once impressed upon me that one of the only things you CAN control (if you are even able to) are your thoughts, and that trying to control circumstances is fairly trying and ineffective. The idea I guess is that if one is comfortable within ones thoughts, they don't have a tremendous amount of expectations for circumstances to make them feel particularly better or worse. Like not having any sense of 'hot' without 'cold' it becomes less easy to be bogged down by circumstances which are inevitably temporary. This has proven fairly true for me, but it doesn't mean that the circumstances arn't there or don't need to be handled or dealt with. I wish.
I think the idea is also that you create your own reality by your thoughts/feelings and that circumstances do not make - cannot make - someone feel anything - it's our thoughts/reactions about a circumstance that causes our feelings and emotions. Our feelings/emotions create vibrations that attract whatever (people, things, experiences) of the same vibration - we are constantly vibrating our realities into existence. We can control our thoughts, but I think it takes discipline, awareness, and the willingness to be fully responsible for ourselves. It's much easier to blame circumstance/fate/karma/parents/society/the media/the outside world. That's why I reframe - I'm just changing my thoughts/perspective (thus, my feelings) about a seemingly unfavorable circumstance. The circumstance may not change a whit - but when you choose to consciously choose/change your thoughts (reframe), your feelings can dramatically change/reverse about the same circumstance... and then there is perfection and all is well in the world. ;D
yeah, I definitely think its half lack of editing, and half of it is that I actually think and talk in fairly complicated sentences sometimes. I tried to convince myself that it was just a writing style but I catch myself in conversation sometimes. I think it works better in person or on the phone, because like with the writing its more spontaneous and there is no expectation for it to be perfect and have clarity, but complex writing just works poorly when it is spontaneous and chocked full of error.
I'd imagine that it works better in person - one could interrupt you for clarification as often as needed. At the same time - regarding writing - I believe that most of the writing/expressing we do is for ourselves ("talking to myself" in your journal). It's more about me and what I want/need to express - and possibly less about people actually getting or reading what I've written. Any opinion I express about a subject/person/post tells a lot more about me than the actual subject/person/post that I've written about. Maybe it's more important for you to express how you express than to be completely understood by everybody. :)
I'll have to start using you as my editor in chief. :) like in above I used 'day-to-day' in two completely opposite statements: the 1st to mean like going out in the world and being presented with conflicts and 2.) taking things day at a time, focusing on the present. whoops
Haha - no, I don't want you to hate me. I was an Assistant Editor at the comic book company and the guys in my department hated to give me their columns/write-ups - but they had to - because I would return the columns/write-ups with lots of bloody red scribbles and corrections. One guy lamented that I was slaughtering his work to make it sound like Shakespeare. (Ohhhhh, I wasn't!)
I wouldn't know where to start with you. ;) Even if I understood what you were meaning to say, I feel that editing your words - tampering with your inclination to convolution - would somehow just damage what you created. It would be another creature - not your own. My new theory is that the convolution is actually perfectly intelligible on another plane of existence. Perhaps all this time, you've just been communicating with other entities on the other plane(s) and those entities understand you through and through. So you're fine. Don't change.
Oh - I actually did correctly understand both of your different uses of "day-to-day." Success!
-
It was still exciting to hope that the movies would be good. My sis (who had read comics too, but not superhero - Sandman and such) was so excited to take me to X2 because she really thought it was "good" (she had seen it before I did). I tried to explain to her why it/all was a disappointment to true X-men fans/readers. I worked in the comic book industry and as a former industry professional/reader/fangirl/collector, I suppose I am entitled to be supercritical of the movies, but instead I went for paranoid, preemptive "keeping the peace." I'll try to be more honest next time.
Yeah, Hellfire Club! I'm very fond of the Chris Claremont-Jim Lee era, but I think I really fell in love pre-Dark Phoenix Saga.
Haha!
Why so pessimistic? No, I understand. I didn't even see the second Hulk movie (my two favorite books of all time are The Incredible Hulk circa Peter David and The Uncanny X-men). The Green Lantern seems to be popular enough (judging by all the TGL t-shirts I'd see at Comicon - this was several years ago, before Comicon blew up - when Comicon was still about comics), but alas, I was true Marvel spirit (except for various independent stuff and Shade, the Changing Man).
some of the characters were done great - Mystique, Jean Grey, Logan etc...
I dunno, I think anyone into comics (or any other OG format like books) will inevitably be dissatisfied with any film adaptations in terms of appealing to their own particular aesthetic or vision as to what that is. At the same time there are clearly artful ways of adaptation like in Sin City, Blade Runner etc.. Then, I think things like Watchmen and 30 Days of Night were pretty amazing adaptations,but ironically less successful as 'movies' in the way one usually expects that kind of spectacle. For me TGL as a fan is impossible to make by anyone in that way, but even the choices thus far point to a clear narrowing of the universe to focus on some kind of simple superhero/origin flick type thing. So I guess its my opinion that with X it goes beyond just poor adaptation into poor film making. I mean despite my gripes with Spiderman, they work great as all-ages films.
I like all that weird x-men outer space stuff, I guess that was related to dark phoenix.
Also, My bad, its the new Spiderman that is directed by the 500 days guy, that was an error not so much
a joke :)
I think the idea is also that you create your own reality by your thoughts/feelings and that circumstances do not make - cannot make - someone feel anything - it's our thoughts/reactions about a circumstance that causes our feelings and emotions. Our feelings/emotions create vibrations that attract whatever (people, things, experiences) of the same vibration - we are constantly vibrating our realities into existence. We can control our thoughts, but I think it takes discipline, awareness, and the willingness to be fully responsible for ourselves. It's much easier to blame circumstance/fate/karma/parents/society/the media/the outside world. That's why I reframe - I'm just changing my thoughts/perspective (thus, my feelings) about a seemingly unfavorable circumstance. The circumstance may not change a whit - but when you choose to consciously choose/change your thoughts (reframe), your feelings can dramatically change/reverse about the same circumstance... and then there is perfection and all is well in the world. ;D
I absolutely loved the scene in Inception where as in a typical action sequence, they are 'shooting away' as indifferent to the kill, yet the scene is disrupted by one character (forgot who) saying something like: "are you sure they are just projections?" :) . Only in a suspected alternate reality does it make the contemplation of another's life or existence even more in question. I'm pretty sure these topics are very intentional in Nolan's films, as with the story-sense-of-self thing in Memento. Because of this kind of contradiction of 'other people' I tend not to ascribe to much of the 'create your own reality' thing, as in a way it necessitates the idea that life is some kind of projection from somewhere else, essentially that we are not us, and them are not even close to them but some kind of part of us. I'm not going to say this is wrong, but I tend to think that on the practical level, this leads to alot of opposite enforcement of the ego in underlying guilt and responsibility and a sense for always trying to create equilibrium (having good thoughts to counter 'bad' ones etc...) which requires tremendous efforts and often superficial gestures. My last girlfriend was very much in to this kind of thing, but in many ways would be incredibly jealous or frustrated with others who seemed to glean more success from whatever, particularly since they wern't as 'positive' as she or had better circumstances that were undeserved. fairly ironic.
I think the key phrase is 'we must be fully responsible for ourselves', but that does not mean we 'attract' all the negative (or positive) things in our life because they are 'deserved' but for me rather we earn those experiences/have something to learn from those experiences OR the more obvious, that we are 'alive' within a massive framework of 'other people' and sometimes we are under the effects of them and larger forces. For instance (to bring it somewhat back to journaling) I don't believe there is anything in my past, my karma, or my ethics that have led it to be extremely hot this week. I am not effected by the heat, but I had happened to do my largest orders of food this week and they arrived dripping. Now the only thing the was pretty much in control was how severe of a hissy fit I wanted to make, knowing full well that this was certainly somewhere in between not important at all, and the end of the world (or at least a poor return on my $300). I chose a minor hissy fit. a box got damaged. no big whoop.
It seems to me, that often the state of mind merely seems to accelerate and bring momentum to positive or negative experiences, or just extract and pull from the same spectrum of amazing or amazingly awful things in the world. Its an issue of focus. There is certainly no small share of crappy things one can focus in regards to themselves or the world on in a daily basis, that is for sure.
in further nitpicking, if you do have your own masochistic side, I'd say if you read your own post, there might be some things you do not totally agree with and might be coming from some other theory which makes less sense on inspection. You certainly CAN make someone feel something, short of perhaps MAKING them fall in love with you. but certainly pain, distress, fear etc...these are all a result of actions which are also created by circumstance. Its true that something like anxiety, is created by more than just circumstances, as with love, and that is a reflection of something within. I do agree about blame, and I think that affects so much of this diet/health and conspiracy stuff and peoples' healing. I tend to think when people are unwell (mentally or in confidence or physically) its good to surround yourself with positive energies, post-that I tend to think a highly developed psyche can really move that midpoint of good and bad, to a point where it is all fairly relative and positive. I mean if one is a social worker, are they not going to deal with the worst junkies and asshats just because they bring them down? But you are totally right that the outcome is just a re-frame of the event, which is basically almost instantly in the past, with some guilt, regret, and possibility lingering effects attached. I think with health, unfortunately its this balance act of needing to control certain aspects of the physical, and yet not expecting those controls to actually solve all your problems. Seems worse than it is I guess.
I'd imagine that it works better in person - one could interrupt you for clarification as often as needed. At the same time - regarding writing - I believe that most of the writing/expressing we do is for ourselves ("talking to myself" in your journal). It's more about me and what I want/need to express - and possibly less about people actually getting or reading what I've written. Any opinion I express about a subject/person/post tells a lot more about me than the actual subject/person/post that I've written about. Maybe it's more important for you to express how you express than to be completely understood by everybody. :)
Yeah, there is always some of that. When I'm in an argument, I try to think: "what is it I have to gain from interacting with this person this way?" It must feed some deeper addiction or desire (often to be right! :) ). At the same time, I think it would be pretty poor form to just be involved with such things as some level of self entertainment or fulfillment. I'd like to think there is some service nature to it. But yeah, I think int he concrete sense I'm not interested all the time with sharing something to be accessible to the widest range of people, but if the issue is really simple, it deserves some attention (of necessary) towards not being obtuse about it.
I wouldn't know where to start with you. ;) Even if I understood what you were meaning to say, I feel that editing your words - tampering with your inclination to convolution - would somehow just damage what you created. It would be another creature - not your own. My new theory is that the convolution is actually perfectly intelligible on another plane of existence. Perhaps all this time, you've just been communicating with other entities on the other plane(s) and those entities understand you through and through. So you're fine. Don't change.
:)
-
Because of this kind of contradiction of 'other people' I tend not to ascribe to much of the 'create your own reality' thing, as in a way it necessitates the idea that life is some kind of projection from somewhere else, essentially that we are not us, and them are not even close to them but some kind of part of us. I'm not going to say this is wrong, but I tend to think that on the practical level, this leads to alot of opposite enforcement of the ego in underlying guilt and responsibility and a sense for always trying to create equilibrium (having good thoughts to counter 'bad' ones etc...) which requires tremendous efforts and often superficial gestures. My last girlfriend was very much in to this kind of thing, but in many ways would be incredibly jealous or frustrated with others who seemed to glean more success from whatever, particularly since they wern't as 'positive' as she or had better circumstances that were undeserved. fairly ironic.
Could you please explain this further, in another way, or maybe use some concrete examples? You don't have to elaborate like crazy, I just want to be sure that I understand you. I know, I often sound vague, use few concrete examples, but I'm going to make some improvements so that my posts are more lucid/coherent/entertaining.
Seems worse than it is I guess.
The health balancing act seems worse than it really is? Are you saying that the balancing act seems like a big, difficult deal, but that it's not so bad really in the "grand scheme of things"? (I don't want to use that cliche, but I'm too exhaustified to come up with something better...)
I need a couple days to digest what you wrote. Will I respond? Fo sho.
-
Could you please explain this further, in another way, or maybe use some concrete examples?
ok. I tend to believe the whole 'Secret' thing - whether one realizes this or not - is predicated on one vision of 'the world' as essentially a projection of spiritual energies. Therefore 'other people' for instance becomes sort of a 'concept' rather than a reality as most would believe and reflected in terms of how one is in a sense: interpreting the self. I have no evidence that this is in-fact false, only skepticism. I guess I tend to find reality much more complicated then that, and although that 'system' represents an interesting departure from the typical 'random model' or 'what goes around comes around' - to use an even more rote cliche - I don't think by default the answer is that our entire manifestation of reality is not under the influence of multiple forces other then the self. So in short, our capabilities in manifesting what we want might be limitless in one sense, but very much within the boundaries of how we choose (or are forced) to negotiate things with other bodies and circumstances. Everything beyond that for me has very much to do with death (transcendence, light bodies etc...), and ultimately not very healthy for me anyway as a life pursuit.
I guess a concrete example would be if I wanted to play for a NBA basketball team. It could be that my very abilities, circumstance, and even age (if one wants to get really freaky) is some kind of manipulation and interpretation of energy. At the same time my odds of manipulating that energy based on my 'creation' of reality is fairly slim in regards to my goal, which is in fact dictated by quite a bit of realities own rules. This doesn't mean that the mind particularly cannot be geared into producing amazing results within the physical (going from couch potato to school-yard 'Deep Threat') but once again that we are usually limited more or less to carving out from what our physical form (including the mind) can construct. I'm open to the idea that certain individuals or entities have gone beyond this 'limit', but for most folks, I tend to think the model and expectations of responsibility leads more to discouragement and ironically back towards blaming of circumstance/karma etc...
The health balancing act seems worse than it really is? Are you saying that the balancing act seems like a big, difficult deal, but that it's not so bad really in the "grand scheme of things"? (I don't want to use that cliche, but I'm too exhaustified to come up with something better...)
hmm, yeah in a way I mean its certainly a downer that you can't just do what someone else does and get their results, or follow a particular program or model and get those prescribes results. I mean, its possible but unlikely. At the same time its pretty difficult for one to just ignore the physical when one is not well, or at least asymptomatic like many people who do not pay as much attention to such things. So in a sense, just that is 'unfair' to someone trying to regain health in some ways don't you think? but ultimately if one re-frames the situation as you mention, its not that big a deal. Certainly if things were easy of obvious and non-complicated the world would be a very different place.
btw I personalty have not found your posts incoherent, dim or boring :)
----------
had some weird meals/days lately
today so far : 1/2 of a kidney+surrounding fat + 1/3 lb butter
yesterday: a whole pack of round lamb and chuck steak from Slankers (probably close to 2 lb total) and 3/4 lb raw butter. [usually eat no more than 1 lb muscle-meat]
a few days ago : 28 pasture eggs (usually have no more than 6-12 max)
-
A few nights ago, I was playing with my 3-year-old friend. I always let her take the lead... I mean, I always want to play with her toy kitchen set-up (when you put the little plastic "frying pan" on the "stove," it makes a frying sound!), but she usually makes things up for us to do. The other night, we started calling each other princess (she had to have started it because like I said, I let her lead). Then all of a sudden, she was the princess and I was the superhero - again, her designation. We had never played that before. I was kind of like a knight-superhero as she had me slaying lots of dragons, giving them breath mints (my idea) and cinnamon (her input), and having me go into the living room and run into the family room/her castle every time she exclaimed, "Oh no!"
Earlier that evening, the adults were practicing a dance number with black hooded capes. She was holding one end of her blanket around her neck and walking around with the blanket dragging behind her. We were all wearing capes so I complimented her on her cape. She informed me, "Um no, this is not a cape. This is a blanket." Fast forward a few hours to princess/superhero play and suddenly her blanket is my cape. Whatevs. My friends were talking important business and looked at me because of my blanket cape and running back and forth. "What are you doing?" "Oh, I'm a superhero."
Why do you like TGL? I'm just curious.
OK, our discussion is def in the realm of getting more difficult to discuss in this format (for me), so I might have to simplify some of my responses - just so I don't burn a fuse. ;)
Because of this kind of contradiction of 'other people' I tend not to ascribe to much of the 'create your own reality' thing, as in a way it necessitates the idea that life is some kind of projection from somewhere else, essentially that we are not us, and them are not even close to them but some kind of part of us.
Hm. I don't feel this way about the 'you create your own reality' thing. My idea is, you are just as real or not real as I am real or not real. I think we are all part of each other... My little friend "picked up" on our discussion and turned me into a superhero. :) I believe in the co-creating thing... one's reality-creating doesn't/can't cancel out another's reality-creating. How is this possible? It's magic... :)
I'm not going to say this is wrong, but I tend to think that on the practical level, this leads to alot of opposite enforcement of the ego in underlying guilt and responsibility and a sense for always trying to create equilibrium (having good thoughts to counter 'bad' ones etc...) which requires tremendous efforts and often superficial gestures. My last girlfriend was very much in to this kind of thing, but in many ways would be incredibly jealous or frustrated with others who seemed to glean more success from whatever, particularly since they wern't as 'positive' as she or had better circumstances that were undeserved. fairly ironic.
I'm still a little confused here, but I can tell you that I don't entertain guilt for very long as a useful feeling. I find guilt very self-defeating, self-debilitating, and it doesn't inspire me. I do seek some balance and groundedness, but not necessarily by having good thoughts to counter bad ones. I may seem light-oriented, but I'm definitely as much darkness as I am lightness and honoring/embracing my shadow emotions/parts has been essential and critical to my personal healing. Authenticity takes precedence over so-called "positivity." (Sorry if this isn't making sense because/if I'm not understanding what you wrote.) And I am pro minimal effort and genuine/authentic gestures.
Jealousy is interesting... I am familiar with it... but I don't look at positivity as a game of who is the better, more positive person. I believe people manifest what they manifest because they figured out how to - not because they "deserved" what they got. I think the universe is way beyond rewarding the good ones and punishing the bad ones. The universe is impartial (possibly loving) and not "judging" us on our behavior or thoughts. The universe is just responding.
I think the key phrase is 'we must be fully responsible for ourselves', but that does not mean we 'attract' all the negative (or positive) things in our life because they are 'deserved' but for me rather we earn those experiences/have something to learn from those experiences OR the more obvious, that we are 'alive' within a massive framework of 'other people' and sometimes we are under the effects of them and larger forces.
I agree. I tend to not use the word "deserve" because who are we to know who deserves what and "deserve" connotes some kind of brownie point/gold star system. I do believe in aspects of karma, but without the connotations of judgment, favor/out-of-favor, deserving/undeserving, worthiness/unworthiness.
It seems to me, that often the state of mind merely seems to accelerate and bring momentum to positive or negative experiences, or just extract and pull from the same spectrum of amazing or amazingly awful things in the world. Its an issue of focus. There is certainly no small share of crappy things one can focus in regards to themselves or the world on in a daily basis, that is for sure.
Fo sho.
in further nitpicking, if you do have your own masochistic side, I'd say if you read your own post, there might be some things you do not totally agree with and might be coming from some other theory which makes less sense on inspection. You certainly CAN make someone feel something, short of perhaps MAKING them fall in love with you. but certainly pain, distress, fear etc...these are all a result of actions which are also created by circumstance.
Hmmmmmm..... I re-read my post and I still agree with what I wrote. Do I totally agree? I think so... How does my masochistic mind work? Let us see...
Pain. A long story shorter: Last year, I moved to NYC because the person I was in love with was going to work in NYC. We had our troubles as I was realizing that I was still getting to know this person. With one day's notice, he informed me that he quit his job the day before and was leaving NYC for good the next day. We didn't end the relationship right then and there (a blessing, really - I don't think I would have handled that at all), but the morning he left my apartment, that was the last time I saw him and talked to him. I immediately moved back to so cal as I was too heartbroken to stay and make it work. I could barely breathe, eat, or sleep. When I did manage to fall asleep, I dreaded waking up to my very real nightmare.
Had to get back home and heal. But for several months after I returned home, I held onto my "connection" to him, spoke to him (spirit to spirit) before I fell asleep, because keeping him on my radar did offer some comfort. At least my love felt real and that's what mattered to me. I eventually let go of the connection when I realized/accepted that I'd probably never hear from him. So that was one of the most painful experiences of this lifetime. I'm not bitter, but it still stings a little when I think about it. Maybe I haven't fully recovered, as I returned home June 2009 and over a year later, I haven't been on one date, although that is supposedly changing soon.
After all that and the feelings that went along with it (abandoned, unloved, unwanted, diminished, omg super let down, et al. - btw, these words, according to NVC's Marshall Rosenberg, are words that "express how we interpret others, rather than how we feel"), I still don't say that my ex made me feel these things. Taking responsibility for my feelings is liberating and empowering. I may have felt like the biggest loser in the world, but I demonstrated some strength and non-loser-ness because no one made me feel this way. I felt this way because I'm sensitive, risked everything, loved fully, and it didn't work out. How did I reframe this situation?
Was it smart to move to NYC so quickly? No. Do I regret it? No. I'm so grateful that I got to live in NYC for two months. I'm so proud of myself because I found my own apartment, moved by myself, and never thought that I could survive and love NYC and I did. I demonstrated to myself that I was stronger and more loving than I ever thought I was.
Fear. Many many years ago, my dad got really angry and started throwing dishes - at the glass sliding door, not at me, but his anger was directed at me. I'm not sure if my dad would say that I made him angry. It would be a bit ridiculous if he did because I was upset, in tears, and my words must have hurt his pride and he blew up. This says a lot more about what was going on with him and how he felt about himself than what a bad daughter I am.
Anyways, being the young sensitive rabbit that I am, I was paralyzed with fear (except for more crying) and feared for my well-being. Yet - I don't say that my dad made me feel scared. I take responsibility for my fearful response because of my mindset at the time and because of my nature. In the very same situation, my dad did not "make" my sister feel scared - rather, she got angry (protective of me). It may seem like a subtle distinction in semantics ("he made me fear for my life" versus "his actions caused me to fear for my life"), but the yields are hugely and remarkably different for me.
Because of how I interpret situations, my feelings, and other people's behavior, I can never be a victim. I choose not to feel like a victim or at the mercy of anybody. I never martyr myself (well, I might indulge occasionally). Things may "happen," but they don't "happen to me" (kind of a victim mentality). I am always the captain of my own soul - at this point, as an adult, no one can "damage" me nearly as well as I can damage myself. To others, I may seem timid/shy/reserved/weak, but they don't really know what's going on inside of me. I am reserved but exercise my personal power because I don't give it away by attributing my feelings to what others "do to me." When something "unfavorable" happens, as soon as some of the shock passes, I'm already searching inside myself, investigating how I may have contributed to/created/manifested the situation. And it's not about blame, shame, guilt, punishment or anything. It's just research.
I tend to think when people are unwell (mentally or in confidence or physically) its good to surround yourself with positive energies, post-that I tend to think a highly developed psyche can really move that midpoint of good and bad, to a point where it is all fairly relative and positive.
I agree.
Yeah, there is always some of that. When I'm in an argument, I try to think: "what is it I have to gain from interacting with this person this way?" It must feed some deeper addiction or desire (often to be right! :) ). At the same time, I think it would be pretty poor form to just be involved with such things as some level of self entertainment or fulfillment. I'd like to think there is some service nature to it.
I'm sure there is a great service nature to it... thank you for serving us so well. I prefer to stay out of the frays. I just derive more pleasure from being a Team RPD cheerleader.
I tried to keep things simple, succinct. l) You can have your journal back. :)
P.S. ...I'm a Boar Hunter. :D
-
A few nights ago, I was playing with my 3-year-old friend. I always let her take the lead... I mean, I always want to play with her toy kitchen set-up (when you put the little plastic "frying pan" on the "stove," it makes a frying sound!)
I tried to keep things simple, succinct. l) You can have your journal back. :)
ok, I'm sold , lets have children.
---------------------------
Everything makes sense to me here, although I think you are adopting some of my sentence structure...the 4-D beings are speaking through you now! lol. If I am concerned about any other 'not people' it certainly isn't you. :)
I think that despite my interest in the unknown, magic, etc....when i'm communicating in forums or with peers that have no real deep-seated interest in such metaphysical things (not you!), i'm always thinking in terms of utility, value. For myself too sometimes. My experience is that alot of people I believe interpret some of this stuff poorly, to their detriment in terms of what is ultimately the most useful in dealing with reality. Some might employ it poorly by my definition and to their advantage and it doesn't really matter much then for them. My experience is that most people have a hard time accepting a full spectrum of reality, that they need to in-fact suppress the negative and employ a tremendous amount of 'judgment' in terms of what they put out and receive, which seems to be counter to the whole concept as I understand it.
I was living up above Harlem last year, maybe we passed each other by.
P.S. ...I'm a Boar Hunter. :D
:)
---------------------------
My appetite seems to be on the up on some days and under-eating others.
yesterday
B: 6 pasture eggs,
L: 1 lb fatty chuck steak + 3 4" beef strait bones eaten with a 2 hour sun break in between.
Pre-D: 6 pasture eggs.
LateD: other 1/2 kidney + 2 short bison bones.
-
ok, I'm sold , lets have children.
OK, let's. I'm so happy that you like to play toy kitchen, too. I will bake us fake cookies if you pretend-do the dishes.
Everything makes sense to me here, although I think you are adopting some of my sentence structure...the 4-D beings are speaking through you now! lol. If I am concerned about any other 'not people' it certainly isn't you. :)
Haha, I had already wondered about that... Your posts in general seemed to be making more sense to me, so I had wondered if I was understanding your language better. I didn't realize I was becoming more fluent and using KD-isms as well. My theory is that you are more newly human - you have been more non-human in your recent past incarnations. Thus, you weren't as accustomed to the density of this atmosphere so your body rebelled a little against the constraints/limitations of human physicality/existence on this planet. You are also very out there/brilliant and with your affinity to outer-space milieu, you must have a lot of alien in you - but you are very welcome here, I'm so glad that you're here.
I think that despite my interest in the unknown, magic, etc....when i'm communicating in forums or with peers that have no real deep-seated interest in such metaphysical things (not you!), i'm always thinking in terms of utility, value. For myself too sometimes. My experience is that alot of people I believe interpret some of this stuff poorly, to their detriment in terms of what is ultimately the most useful in dealing with reality.
I understand... and I agree that thinking in terms of utility and value is most appropriate - it makes sense, it flows downstream, it leads to least effort. As an Artisan with a Spiritualist Attitude (not to get Michael Handbook on you, although I did), the more metaphysical things are most useful to me in dealing with a human existence on Earth in this lifetime. As a Mature 6 with the Chief Feature Self-deprecation, I am def not totally free of self-judgment and employ whatever I can to continue being here without being on meds. They have their place, of course, but I gave them up a long time ago and much prefer homeopathy, flower essences, NET, past life work/clearing, et al., and now, RPD. I love flower essences - these kinds of things are more my speed - gentle, subtle, nuanced. I am also a 30/3 (totally) and my Mode is Reserved - combined with Mature 6 and Self-deprecation - no wonder it's so difficult for me to promote myself... I have my work cut out for me. :) 30/3 is all about expression and I have experienced so much unwellness growing up because of my lack/fear of self-expression.
The things I study help me cope here and not feel so much like a freak (although I might sound like one... whatevs, I don't mind). I tend to over-compare myself to others (Osho's online tarot has helped lessen that destructive tendency) and I gravitate towards wisdom that soothes my soul - things that make me feel like it's OK not to be like everybody else (not that everybody is alike), like I do have gifts, like I do have a purpose (and it's different from other people's - and that's a good thing).
My homeopathic healing helped me see how suppressing the negative stuff caused (causes) a lot of my existential distress and physical ailments. I still think sometimes that I should be more angry, bitchy, expressive, extroverted/social more often... perhaps I would be more authentic/integrated. But I really just want to be me, self-actualized, whoever she is. And happy, healthy, authentic, integrated, and expressive. :)
I am coming to accept (Acceptance happens to be my Goal, according to MH) that how I am could just be how I am and could possibly not be such a tragedy. ;) I don't appear to be "successful" to the outside world - or, rather, I don't feel very successful in the outside world (yet) - but I am still here, still alive, and do bring some joy to the people around me. That is my success.
I was living up above Harlem last year, maybe we passed each other by.
Ohhhhh... I wish. We could have been friends. I think we are though in a parallel universe. :)
-
hmm, ok, tell me something I DON'T know. really...
heh. actually, although I'm familiar somewhat with the Michael teachings, and understand what you are saying, much of this is beyond my personal study. I was involved with someone that was very much into these things, and also put me in touch with this high grade intuitive (kind like an oracle so to speak) with the both of them pretty much having similar perspectives (on my condition). In some sense, it has shifted my goals into being very physical and sensory, particularly to balance this out. in lieu of any kind of spiritual ascension in the air for the coming future, I'm happy staying back and playing in the dirt. I like the dirty and the chaos, which is why I think I respond poorly to oversimplifications of ideas on health, the environment, politics, and other romantic notions etc...Certainly something to explore in future conversations between us for sure. I really don't have any other comments, other than RPD could work wonders in unison with other technologies for brain stuff, although perhaps - as a disclaimer - not a silver bullet or replacement for treatments for everyone.
I think I might have already broken our sacred bond. I had a wonderful evening with a young lady last night. My mind is somewhat blown. We ate some kind of tongue pate at a french restaurant that uses local food. I have had my little cooked experiments of meat and vegetables, but shit, this tasted like mother earth came in my mouth. I explained to chica somewhat about the diet, it was indeed a lot less awkward than I thought. I told her I was eating all kinds of organs and she said she wanted to eat organs. We have a lot of similar music interests and Italian horror movies and things and she is very sharp and confident. She kinda looks like a french Jessica Alba merged with a small deer. If I created/attracted her I did a good job. In terms of what is related to the diet, I certainly see myself making increasing compromises if this progresses. I had a split thought about whatever Fenchy sauce was on the meat until I realized ultimately how healthy the whole experience was for me.
overall I ended up eating very little all day.
B: 6 pasture eggs,
L: some butter I munched on at work ( I appear to be able to just eat anything these days like a robot)
Pre-D: 2 bison bones (1 largeish) + .3 lb beef liver
LateD: cooked tongue pate (shit was like 2 oz)
-
In some sense, it has shifted my goals into being very physical and sensory, particularly to balance this out. in lieu of any kind of spiritual ascension in the air for the coming future, I'm happy staying back and playing in the dirt. I like the dirty and the chaos, which is why I think I respond poorly to oversimplifications of ideas on health, the environment, politics, and other romantic notions etc...Certainly something to explore in future conversations between us for sure.
I'm impressed, KD - you are really making use of your time and experience here. :) I admire your approach to life - you play/live "human" better (or more courageously) than many more-seasoned humans...
I think I might have already broken our sacred bond. I had a wonderful evening with a young lady last night. My mind is somewhat blown.
Ohhh... Well, I say, great things for you must mean great things for me! Something inside me may have shifted very recently - an angel kind of suddenly appeared (literally, on Sunday) as a potential mentor - something I think I've been praying for for years, but kind of gave up on and forgot about. Not as exciting and alluring as a new beloved IMO, but in my case, I really need to be focusing on my career (and health/happiness), so this could be very good for me. It's still early to tell what this could really mean (the mentor for me), but I think your new lady friend is a wonderful, auspicious sign (for both of us). ;D
We ate some kind of tongue pate at a french restaurant that uses local food. I have had my little cooked experiments of meat and vegetables, but shit, this tasted like mother earth came in my mouth. I explained to chica somewhat about the diet, it was indeed a lot less awkward than I thought. I told her I was eating all kinds of organs and she said she wanted to eat organs. We have a lot of similar music interests and Italian horror movies and things and she is very sharp and confident. She kinda looks like a french Jessica Alba merged with a small deer. If I created/attracted her I did a good job. In terms of what is related to the diet, I certainly see myself making increasing compromises if this progresses. I had a split thought about whatever Fenchy sauce was on the meat until I realized ultimately how healthy the whole experience was for me.
You did a really, really super awesome job. :)
-
just as long as i'm not seasoning humans :)
soo....RPD journaling... [ feel free to continue your beautiful posts Cinna ]
I've been eating on the far end of the carnivorous business, without as much attention or goal of doing so. I think I had half a papaya a week and a half ago, and I tried some EVOO on some black liver that I had. I'm trying to eat more organs and less muscle meats.
I think I'm ending my two month stint of floor sleep. I seem to be having some allergy stuff which is bothersome. I havn't had seasonal stuff in almost 5 years since I did the basic diet cleanup but I've always had same/worse sensitivities since then to dust and mold. I was talking to a guy below me and he told me his actual room (in a 3 bedroom) is unlivable because of problems with mold and I guess sleeps in the living room. I was relating this to some co-workers and explaining that I felt more or less fine for almost a month but that I had indeed found some furniture in the trash that had been sitting out in the rain (and no doubt in someones flooded basement ) and was covered in black crap that I tried just wiping down paleo style with water. I was informed it was black mold. So long story short that is in the trash. I do feel like that must have just thrown me over the top of a underlying problem though. I figure until I address that I won't get out alot of the crap I've inhaled that easily. I think the first step is getting off the floor and get some air cleaners. Short of that I'm kinda clueless on how to clean the carpets. when I do pushups and things my hands smell like crap, so that must mean something.
Its interesting the people like Aajonus and others link bacterium/parasites/molds etc...in similar categories as things that break down matter, but clearly the ingestion of molds and dust that come from industrial products and even organic toxic waste from skin ( a large portion of dust) cannot be healthy...Interestingly, despite my butter bone diet I have next to no mucus, its more like a scratchy/sneezy thing, and sinus/gas pressure in my face area. It seems to be getting better on its own, prior to tossing my sunken treasure.
I'm also going through a cycle where my elimination is not so great. very regular and effortless still but kind of unformed. Other symptoms of note would be periodic (maybe once every 2 week) muscle cramps (usually in the legs). particularly with the dynamic massage work I am doing. I don't know if this is just crap moving around, the fact that i'm doing very strict VLC, or the salt conundrum ( I pretty much still never take the salt as I planed, I do not even enjoy it. ).
B: 6 pasture eggs,
L: .5 lb lamb + .25 lb raw butter
Pre-D: 2 bison bones + .3 lb beef liver + EVOO
LateD: 6 pasture eggs,
actually seemed to drop down in weight again (although after my last report I realized that was somewhat exaggerated and must have been more around 165) back down/up? to 162
took a break from exercising completely with the allergy stuff but came back pretty fiercely the last few days.
http://www.rawpaleoforum.com/exercisebodybuilding/today%27s-workout/msg45883/#msg45883
-
just as long as i'm not seasoning humans :)
Maybe you are, maybe you're not... you never denied that humans are part of your diet. ;)
soo....RPD journaling... [ feel free to continue your beautiful posts Cinna ]
Yeah... I should get back to my RPD journaling too... ;)
Yes, black mold does not sound good. ??? When you say "carpets," are you talking about carpeting or rug/carpet carpets? Also, why again are you re-introducing salt? Regarding the change in elimination, I would guess that it's your body adjusting to a bit of cooked foods, but I know you already thought of that.
So I really do have some journaling to contribute today... <innocent :) >
A couple nights ago, Friday, I finally bring some RAF (pastured ground beef) to work for the first time so that I won't be tempted by the yummy cooked food there. (I brought raw scallops once, but ended up going home right away and eating them at home.) So, it's after my show, I'm very hungry, but I'm hemming and hawing eating-wise... I'm confused and not sure what to do!
It's because it isn't just a work situation. It is also a social situation (post-show, I usually chill/eat at the bar where my bff is bartending) and a public situation - strangers, regulars, fans (j/k) and acquaintances milling about - and a restaurant situation (employees rarely bring food from home... although they do get sushi/pizza/mexican food from restaurants nearby sometimes). I'm not ready to dig in at the bar, so I grab an avocado (not fully ripe) from the kitchen and start eating in the dressing room/coat closet, with the door open (which opens to the registers and kitchen). I have the meat in a glass pyrex container with the dark blue lid - it's sitting on the only shelf towards the inside (back) of the dressing room/closet. I'm taking bites of meat, then spoonfuls of avocado at the doorway (I like to see what's going on). People keep asking me, "Is that all you're eating?! Half an avocado??"
I'm like, this is ridiculous. After all my talk about eating RAF out in the open, how hypocritical. So I grab my pyrex, little plate of avocado, and little plate of a little piece of cooked lamb chop that the hostess gave me and set it all down at the bar (it helps that one of the servers has settled into the dressing room and is on her cell). Then a regular comes up to me and starts talking to me because the men (including her husband) are having their apparently recurring debate in Greek on whether Alexander the Great was gay or not (she doesn't speak/understand Greek, but she knows enough key words to know what they're talking about). I rarely speak with her and I just can't bring myself to eat at that moment. I just focus on listening to her (while still being aware that I don't want to eat in front of her), admire (in my head) her faint Brooklyn accent - it is really pretty, and we discuss Greece, retirement, jobs, feeling passionate for the work versus hating the work, her son, etc. before I have to excuse myself to use the restroom.
By the time I come back (I really did have to go, it wasn't to get rid of her), I'm ready to continue eating. I keep the lid atop the pyrex - I feel more conscious about potentially disturbing any patrons who are there with good appetites. I'm not so worried about what people think of me as I'm sensitive to whether it could in anyway hurt business somehow? In the end, only three people are aware of what I'm eating - bff/bartender, her boyfriend (who tried a little bite of the ground beef!), and another co-worker (she is pesco-vegetarian, but is totally cool/supportive - I had no idea that the bff had already mentioned it to her).
As I mentioned, I usually eat at the bar, but I've also eaten at the back of the main dining room (when the night is winding down), the patio, or even the dressing room/closet. But usually (in pre-RPD/transitioning days) when I eat in the closet (with the door open unless I'm getting ready), I'm hiding myself from people - not what I'm eating from people. I look forward to getting really comfortable eating RAF anywhere, but I will probably vary where I eat at the restaurant (not always at the bar) depending on what I'm eating (possibly) and if my bosses aren't too keen on my eating RAF at the bar, that's cool, I can eat at the back of the dining room like an outcast. j/k... I don't mind a little privacy, but I usually want to gab with the bff... and I eat slowly!
So... eating RAF at work was trickier than I expected because I was thinking about what this server/boss/regular/customer might think. I understand better why it isn't always easy to eat RAF in front of people for whatever reason - I'm sorry, KD (and others), for presuming it was easy. For sure, in my head it's easy, but in real world application, "easy" gets tested... I don't mind grossing out my friends/co-workers, but I prefer not to gross out any customers. :) I'm happy, still having fun with RPD and enjoying the lessons. That wasn't the worst part of my night anyway. -[ More later. Thank you, KD!
P.S. I ate the little piece of cooked lamb chop as "dessert" and I think it irritated my throat.
-
Maybe you are, maybe you're not... you never denied that humans are part of your diet. ;)
Yeah... I should get back to my RPD journaling too... ;)
:) well its really the poor quality feed that is holding me back these days.
Yes, black mold does not sound good. ??? When you say "carpets," are you talking about carpeting or rug/carpet carpets? Also, why again are you re-introducing salt? Regarding the change in elimination, I would guess that it's your body adjusting to a bit of cooked foods, but I know you already thought of that.
nah, it started before that, and the previous thing I had was some pork I think 3 weeks ago now. Its really been minor, the cooked experiments
Wall to wall.
So I really do have some journaling to contribute today... <innocent :) >
A couple nights ago, Friday...
yeah, I think the only problem is your assumption that it was easy. I mean the closet thing sounds a little extreme but I'd say do what you need to do for now. I've heard it suggested here that 'workers' (lol as opposed to kings and housewives?) eat one big meal a day. I eat at work regularly now, but I certainly try to be discrete other than leaving some mason jars out in the open sometimes. You can try making some kind of sauce ala RFLWD book. That should satisfy your culinary curiosities as well. Its funny about the avocado, as sometimes people are just bothered by eating so differently to the square meal model, the squares!. Its possible if you had a dish with raw meat in it (even though raw meat doesn't combine so well with too many plant foods) it would be less controversial. I'd stay away from the bar though...yeah.
----
the massage I got yesterday was super intense, I got my calves scraped with a spoon. It was suggested that I drink a gallon of water afterward because my muscles are so tweaked. I somewhat pffted but drank quite a bit and still woke up feeling like I had drank a handle of whiskey in the Sahara. I'm somewhat concerned about this actually. It seems to be loosening up alot of debris and making my blood boil.
I did 300 powerlifts yesterday as part of this sept 11 memorial. It seems a little lame, but I actually saw the buildings drop from Brooklyn, so the effort indeed had some symbolism for me.
http://www.rawpaleoforum.com/exercisebodybuilding/today%27s-workout/msg46066/#msg46066
things with chica turned into like the biggest nightmare of ever. seems to be kaput. my general outlook seems to be suffering.
-
:) well its really the poor quality feed that is holding me back these days.
I hear ya!
Wall to wall.
Vacuum steam cleaner, maybe.
yeah, I think the only problem is your assumption that it was easy. I mean the closet thing sounds a little extreme but I'd say do what you need to do for now. I've heard it suggested here that 'workers' (lol as opposed to kings and housewives?) eat one big meal a day. I eat at work regularly now, but I certainly try to be discrete other than leaving some mason jars out in the open sometimes. You can try making some kind of sauce ala RFLWD book. That should satisfy your culinary curiosities as well. Its funny about the avocado, as sometimes people are just bothered by eating so differently to the square meal model, the squares!. Its possible if you had a dish with raw meat in it (even though raw meat doesn't combine so well with too many plant foods) it would be less controversial. I'd stay away from the bar though...yeah.
Yeah! The squares! Lol, the closet isn't actually as extreme as it sounds. :) I was more trying to describe that it's not a huge dressing/changing "room." It's my perfectly situated sanctuary. At the doorway, I can look into the kitchen (and all the kitchen traffic, server gossip and foul language going on), see the front door (people coming and going) and even most of the bar. Take a step back or two inside the "room," and no one from the front door or front of the restaurant can see me. It's not unusual for me to eat in there (usually with the door open) out of convenience, if I'm in a hurry and/or I'm avoiding drunk fishermen/boaters/aggressive flirters - nothing against them, but I'm working here. ;) I haven't yet adapted to the one large meal thing yet, but I get what you're saying. Sometimes I'm at the restaurant until midnight, 1 am, 2 am... I don't eat much before I perform, so I'm so hungry afterwards. :)
Thanks for reminding me about RFLWD - I've barely cracked that thing open. Cuz I haven't finished the first book! For some reason, I'm going through a can't-sit-still-and-read phase... There's an AV potluck coming up in Marina del Rey on the 26th. I'll be on a 3-day Ensenada, Mexico cruise, so I won't be able to go to the potluck. But I can't wait to see AV in person! (Hm, how paleo will I be on the cruise! I'm still tempted by nonpaleo foods...)
the massage I got yesterday was super intense, I got my calves scraped with a spoon. It was suggested that I drink a gallon of water afterward because my muscles are so tweaked. I somewhat pffted but drank quite a bit and still woke up feeling like I had drank a handle of whiskey in the Sahara. I'm somewhat concerned about this actually. It seems to be loosening up alot of debris and making my blood boil.
How can you tell that your blood is boiling? Or, what does that feel like?
I did 300 powerlifts yesterday as part of this sept 11 memorial. It seems a little lame, but I actually saw the buildings drop from Brooklyn, so the effort indeed had some symbolism for me.
Not a little lame at all... my sis was actually under the buildings (on the train) at the time. I just arrived in the Philippines... pretty surreal to "witness" it through the eyes of a different country. I felt so sad and alone because while the people there were so sympathetic, I felt like they couldn't really understand how I felt. But my dad seemed to understand. He is American too (became an American citizen, but born over there). I felt disconnected - like I needed to be back in the states, but I later realized that it was probably better that I wasn't.
things with chica turned into like the biggest nightmare of ever. seems to be kaput. my general outlook seems to be suffering.
:( I'm sorry.
My sis recently reminded me, "They are all soulmates, aren't they? And healing angels... You will find the guy, just keep making yourself happy. I am being open to men again and also for the first time being open to actual dating. I am learning to just smile and accept men, as you have been able to do. Don't worry. It always happens when you least expect it, when you aren't looking, and when you happen to be involved with your own life. Just keep cultivating your beauty and your happiness."
-
Yeah! The squares! Lol, the closet isn't actually as extreme as it sounds. :) I was more trying to describe that it's not a huge dressing/changing "room." It's my perfectly situated sanctuary. At the doorway, I can look into the kitchen (and all the kitchen traffic, server gossip and foul language going on), see the front door (people coming and going) and even most of the bar. Take a step back or two inside the "room," and no one from the front door or front of the restaurant can see me. It's not unusual for me to eat in there (usually with the door open) out of convenience, if I'm in a hurry and/or I'm avoiding drunk fishermen/boaters/aggressive flirters - nothing against them, but I'm working here. ;) I haven't yet adapted to the one large meal thing yet, but I get what you're saying. Sometimes I'm at the restaurant until midnight, 1 am, 2 am... I don't eat much before I perform, so I'm so hungry afterwards. :)
Thanks for reminding me about RFLWD - I've barely cracked that thing open. Cuz I haven't finished the first book! For some reason, I'm going through a can't-sit-still-and-read phase... There's an AV potluck coming up in Marina del Rey on the 26th. I'll be on a 3-day Ensenada, Mexico cruise, so I won't be able to go to the potluck. But I can't wait to see AV in person! (Hm, how paleo will I be on the cruise! I'm still tempted by nonpaleo foods...)
yeah, I wasn't recommending the one meal thing as it is fairly impractical at least for me on such a restricted diet. even when I went off raw and tried Ori's warrior style diet (with cooked grains after meat) it was basically impossible to eat enough for an active person. Even two large meals was not working for me, and calorie wise, I seem to eat not a lot still even when satisfied this way. I found 3 medium sized meals, and starting and finishing of the day with a bunch of whole eggs to be the best solution for myself, although it always varies.
I actually havn't read either book in total, but if you have a copy I know there are a bunch of sauces and things that might look like cold Indian food :).
How can you tell that your blood is boiling? Or, what does that feel like?
its just one of those things. I can tell when my body feels 'clean' or not. often I've very satisfied with being symptom free, happy and strong to stress over it, but I have to admit that I do feel more 'acid' than in raw veg days. What I mean in practical terms is sort of tense and testosterone heavy, more weighted instead of weightless and in varying degrees of toxic feeling although that shifts and goes away.
:( I'm sorry.
My sis recently reminded me, "They are all soulmates, aren't they? And healing angels... You will find the guy, just keep making yourself happy. I am being open to men again and also for the first time being open to actual dating. I am learning to just smile and accept men, as you have been able to do. Don't worry. It always happens when you least expect it, when you aren't looking, and when you happen to be involved with your own life. Just keep cultivating your beauty and your happiness."
I think that is a great quote
seems I was overacting about chica, we hung out again and sorted things out...we shall see.
-
yeah, I wasn't recommending the one meal thing as it is fairly impractical at least for me on such a restricted diet. even when I went off raw and tried Ori's warrior style diet (with cooked grains after meat) it was basically impossible to eat enough for an active person. Even two large meals was not working for me, and calorie wise, I seem to eat not a lot still even when satisfied this way. I found 3 medium sized meals, and starting and finishing of the day with a bunch of whole eggs to be the best solution for myself, although it always varies.
Yeah, I haven't been able to do the one or two meals... I eat as much as I can, but then get hungry again. I'm still just trying to get in more animal fat. :)
I actually havn't read either book in total, but if you have a copy I know there are a bunch of sauces and things that might look like cold Indian food :).
Lol, funny. (I miss Indian food a little!) I do have both books... look so pretty with the other books on my shelves. ;) I am game to try more sauces, just have been incredibly lazy/overwhelmed. I've been kind of improv-ing random raw "accompaniments" with whatever few ingredients I have around, but nothing as dazzling as Lex threw together last night to show me how easy and super yummy it is to whip something up to add variety and/or to help me eat more raw meat/fat. It tasted so amazing, I think I could have eaten it with half a pound of meat (I usually only manage to eat 1/4 lb of meat at a time) or half a pound of anything. I realized that at this stage in the game, for me, transitioning - making something super tasty so that I do consume more fat and meat is more important than being 100% RPD and not eating enough. So for sure, I'm going to be playing more creatively with sauces - a la RFLWD and a la Lex-inspired.
Lex asked me if I liked bacon and we both agreed that bacon made everything better. I also offered that I used to feel that way about cheese - that cheese made everything better. He basically diced and cooked some pretty pure-fat bacon, added rendered fat to that, and stirred in a raw egg... He asked me if I liked Mexican food. I said, yes. So he added some (not a lot) of alfredo sauce (from a jar), some shredded cheddar cheese, and tapatio sauce. So greasy good, swimming in bacon grease and rendered fat, and I had no trouble eating it up. It tasted amazing and I think my body is def saying, "Please... feed me more fat. I want it. I need it." It was so much fun watching him create something so fat-full and unique. I was like, Lex, you gotta do your own "cooking" videos! He helped me make a $15 "$10 Jerky Maker" and I'm so proud of it. Lex told me that I would go home with jerky and he meant it. I'm "making jerky" as I type this. ;D OK, the Jerky Maker is making it right now. I'm also going to try dehydrating strawberries with it because Lex said that they were to die for. I must try... strawberry jerky. Lex is so awesome!
its just one of those things. I can tell when my body feels 'clean' or not. often I've very satisfied with being symptom free, happy and strong to stress over it, but I have to admit that I do feel more 'acid' than in raw veg days. What I mean in practical terms is sort of tense and testosterone heavy, more weighted instead of weightless and in varying degrees of toxic feeling although that shifts and goes away.
Interesting... and also makes sense. :)
I think that is a great quote
seems I was overacting about chica, we hung out again and sorted things out...we shall see.
Yeah... my sis is the pretty sage texter... Call me psychic or creepy, but I did intuit just that about you and chica! I even thought twice about posting the quote (from my sis) because I didn't feel that it would apply anymore at the moment - but I went ahead and posted it because the words may find their way to the right people and offer them some comfort and direction at the right time. :)
-
I realized that at this stage in the game, for me, transitioning - making something super tasty so that I do consume more fat and meat is more important than being 100% RPD and not eating enough.
Well, pat yourself on the back because it seems to take forever for people to figure that one out. heh. At first I had no idea what you were talking about...That IS AWESOME you met with Lex. Such a great resource and sounds like a perfect way to get some of that fat in you :). I don't pretend to understand all the mechanics of his research and experimentation but its certainly inspiring. I've constructed his jerky maker and it works fantastic. I havn't made any in awhile and the stuff I have I think went bad. I'm sort of fearful leaving it alone for 12 hr periods for fire safety reasons.
ok pretty eventful weeks.
still getting driven crazy by crazy girl. its fun/worth it. I had my first clear spirt in at least 4.5 years. gin and soda. ouch. it made me kind of headachey quick but I had such a good time hanging out at the bar and such and she tried to rip my pants off in the street. I ended up going home and eating later which was a bit odd to my stomach.
I majorly injured myself doing that 300 powerlift 9/11 thing. Teddy already gave me an earful about it. I don't want tot hear it! lol. I actually think alot it was also that I'm doing this massage stuff which seems to release all kinds of old matter. My main suspicion is in the fact that it did not start immediately after the workout. 36 hrs after the event my spine, rt. kidney, and rt. ass area got all numb and pinchy and escalated to the point where from 2am-8 am I was like writhing and crying like a baby and vomiting on the ground.
So its been pretty shit hobbling around but I think considering, its actually healed quite fast. I should be back int he gym at the end of the week. I do feel overall better from the experience, and my elimination has actually got better again. still a little nauseous. wish I had more high meat left or in the works.
Lack of working out and other stress (girl, work and family drama) has made my appetite go down and I've actually felt some physical anxiety (palpatations) which is no fun. I've lost even more weight, which brings me down to only slightly below my avatar, but I look thinner for sure.
I've been eating a pretty good range of crap.
beef kidney, beef liver, grass-fed fat trimmings, bison and beef bones, 75/25 specialty ground buffalo, slankers lamb, raw butter, swordfish, scallops, dulse, had a few avocados, sauerkraut, did a week w/o eggs and am back on around 6 per day. had some wild blueberries yesterday
I washed my hair with some egg whites, was beginning to finally look a bit crapola. now it looks to soft. probably be playing around with this.
-------
mmm get me some of that strawberry jerky
-
http://www.rawpaleoforum.com/hot-topics/after-sex/30/
Try ejaculating 3-4 times in one sitting, and the exaustion will probably rear its head then. Im sometimes not too drained after one, depending on my arousal.
I think 2 at night and 2 in the morning would be pretty good standing for me. I think I've had sex 3x in a row sometime on a extremely rare occasion, and just remember my balls feeling drained. on the proper end of things, I think there is probably some benefit to internalizing orgasm and other such qi practices or even vasectomy, but I find that proper diet seems to lessen any 'damage' by constant screwing whereas SWD seems indifferent (when one is young I assume) and vegan diet very draining to have sex regularly.
In the spirit of accuracy, let me remove the word 'rare' from my previous comment
;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;)
-d -d -d -d -d -d -d -d -d -d -d -d -d -d -d -d -d -d -d -d -d -d -d -d -d -d -d -d -d -d -d -d -d -d -d -d -d
:) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)
-
feeling pretty good now that I'm back exercising and seemed to pass whatever weird stuck energy thing I had. I've dropped more weight from the whole ordeal which is kind of a drag, but still look greek-godlike according to girly. @ 155 my build isn't drastically different but my waist is like non-existent and my abs are showing. not too shabby I guess other than my face being a little thin. Included some shots of my increasing vascularity. not much to brag about but its a big difference from my cloudy skin just 8 months ago or so. you can see translucency more pronounced in other places like shoulders and neck which in addition to moderate->high energy levels leads me to believe i'm kicking some fungal ass out the door.
so I'm shoveling more food down as of yesterday
L:<1 lb of super fatty skirt steak from Slankers with > .5 lb raw pastured butter
pre-D pre workout: 6 eggs
D: 2-3 small buffalo bones + >.5lb custom super fat ground buffalo from WF
I drank a strongbow cider at a bar and on a separate occasion had another cooked meal with chica. Made it paleo fancy American style with New Zealand lamb hamburger and pastured 100% pork hotdogs, mushrooms, thee kinds of peppers, green beans, raw sauerkraut and a hydroponic salad with avocado and fresh figs ( I didn't eat the figs) . other than that its been all raw for me. I had bought some organic potatoes to make for her but I didn't get around to it. I'm thinking of trying to do some kind of carb cycling this winter, so I might try baking some of these guys soon to see how I feel.
having leg cramps again so whether its some kind of adjustment or not I'm doing the salt brine again, but not salting food.
http://www.rawpaleoforum.com/exercisebodybuilding/today%27s-workout/msg48195/#msg48195
http://www.rawpaleoforum.com/exercisebodybuilding/today%27s-workout/msg48056/#msg48056
-
Well, pat yourself on the back because it seems to take forever for people to figure that one out. heh. At first I had no idea what you were talking about...That IS AWESOME you met with Lex. Such a great resource and sounds like a perfect way to get some of that fat in you :). I don't pretend to understand all the mechanics of his research and experimentation but its certainly inspiring. I've constructed his jerky maker and it works fantastic. I havn't made any in awhile and the stuff I have I think went bad. I'm sort of fearful leaving it alone for 12 hr periods for fire safety reasons.
Hey KD, I'm still taking a break from the forum but had to make a few of my favorite stops. :) Oh thank you, I did pat myself on the back after I read your post (oh, and I pat myself on the back again just now). Lex was fun to be around because he has a more whatevs attitude - that helped me take a ton of pressure off myself, thank goodness/Lex. He is very like how he writes - straightforward, straight-up common sense smart, dry sense of humor. He had me laughing. I also appreciated that he treated me just the same as I think he would a seasoned-RPDer... not that he would treat people/anybody different, but I guess I mean that it felt good because I didn't feel like he respected me any less just because I was/am a newbie and carb/sugar addict. He is a natural teacher and I felt special. He has been where I am now, so that made me feel better too. :) I never saw him sit down once in like five hours (except briefly on the couch at the beginning)... hm, maybe it's because I took his chair?? ;)
Haha - I swear, life is not complete without a crazy girl by your side! Congrats, lucky boy! ;D
I majorly injured myself doing that 300 powerlift 9/11 thing. Teddy already gave me an earful about it. I don't want tot hear it! lol. I actually think alot it was also that I'm doing this massage stuff which seems to release all kinds of old matter. My main suspicion is in the fact that it did not start immediately after the workout. 36 hrs after the event my spine, rt. kidney, and rt. ass area got all numb and pinchy and escalated to the point where from 2am-8 am I was like writhing and crying like a baby and vomiting on the ground.
OK, yeah... I'm not going to give you an earful about that because PD already did... And I didn't give you an earful about it before because obviously I'm totally ignorant about powerlifts and the significance of that many of them. I do also think it was the massage stuff that released old stuff... Wow, congratulations! I think you really processed a ton with the massage, writhing, crying, and vomiting... not fun, but now that it's passed, good for you! ;D
Where did you get your specialty ground buffalo? I'm allowing myself to indulge in and fully enjoy organic roasted japanese sweet potatoes with lots of raw butter because I love it and it treats me FAR BETTER than the Haagen-Dazs bars, ice cream, donuts, pastries and other uninspiring foods that I've been known to turn to when I try to push RPD too hard. The good news is, during the cruise (and really seeing how abundant junk food is), I still enjoyed myself and desserts (but only if they were to-die-for - I had my friends try them first and report to me), ate mostly cooked paleo, and am calmer about food and eating in general.
Timing has been perfect. Seeing Lex mid-September, going on the cruise - a bellydance cruise no less (although I was under the weather and had the worse case of insomnia so actually didn't make it to any workshops :P ) - so I'm also more motivated with my work/art than I have been in forever, a show coming up with a renowned musician, a legend in the field - I might be a featured performer and omg, I am sooooooo freaking out and excited/nervous, so a lot of exciting things, perfect timings, still processing a lot of things, and I have a lot to do and study... I'm such a "lazy" artist, honestly, and I think it's partly because I'm afraid that I can never really be great, but I kind of know that it shouldn't be about being "great" or "the best."
I also want to do my art because I love it, because it's part of me, because I can't help it, because it makes me happy - not just because I want/need to be recognized and approved of and adored and worshipped (that would be nice though). I'm just super appreciative that my eating is calmer, that I'm more motivated to work on my craft, and that RPD works well for me when I do eat RPDly. I was worried that I would flip out on the cruise, go crazy and binge on sugar and carbs, and do myself in, but it was really awesome. The cruise had the opposite effect... I saw that there will always be plenty of sweets/pastries in the world if I really really need them (so I can afford to be super choosy and I deserve to eat only the most amazing, must-have treats). Haha, in addition, it's extremely hard to feel deprived when you can eat nine times a day plus free room service. >D I need to know that I can still "treat" myself or else I freak out. :D So my treats this week are the japanese sweet potatoes (amazing) and wild blueberries (frozen) with raw cream. Next couple of weeks, treats will be something else... Aw, that makes me so happy! :)
So the sugar/carb addiction is very calm and dormant now and I'm feeling more balanced, so I'm not worried - I'm getting better at forgiving myself and recovering more quickly. The forgiving part/unconditional self-acceptance is most essential. I'm def being less strict/stringent, which has brought me a lot of peace - which motivates me even more, even though I'm not being "perfect." So it's nice to see you incorporating a bit of alcohol and cooked foods here and there because you're having fun, enjoying life and food and company, and celebrating new people, new seasons, new experiences. OPA! ;D
I'll try to pop in every once in awhile, but this break has been really good for me. I gotta get back to my stuff and working on myself - I am still developing my Greek goddess likeness and have a lot of catching up to do. :P ;)
Keep up the awesome job. :)
-
hey miss you cinna. hope all is well.
WF grinds the buffalo, you just ask them to run the fat through the machine apparently. The stuff comes out looking like fatty snow on a carcass, far different than any 80/20.
cool to hear about the cruise. was it the Lynyrd Skynyrd cruise? )
glad you got some goings on with your passions, I know that is what drives me and makes this diet stuff worth doing in the first place. Sometimes its a drag to make both things work together particularly when they involve other people, but it sounds like you are doing just fine with your choices.
I've been eating some raw veg and some cooked food and such here and there in an effort to put on some vanity pounds then anything else. I'll eat 2-3 raw meals and then a little over an hour or so after the last I can slam down a bunch of clean cooked fare and avocados, works like magic and I do enjoy the heavy feeling sometimes..and the taste I admit. Except I can't mix butter with cooked food, makes me gag except I guess the amounts normal people use. I actually seem to have very limited symptoms so far, some mucus (which worth noting I never get from lbs of raw cultured pasture butter every week) and a little more need for sleep. for me it tends to slow down any kind of cleansing reaction too of course. I never really transitioned much from a standard diet, but I imagine it can be useful this way as well, the only problem being any kind of digestive acclimation and such.
anyway in a wierd way even tho the raw/cooked veg and cooked meats tend to make one a bit more sluggish, this phenenomena seems to counterbalance it out...I really ripped it up at the gym today doing 100 thrusters (explosive full front squat to push press) and 100 ring pushups (hard for most folks cept speciality for moi) in 18+ mins. with a time limit of 30 min!
http://www.rawpaleoforum.com/exercisebodybuilding/today%27s-workout/msg50311/#msg50311
heres a few more shots. I have a blow up on my neck showing my wicked vasculeh jugguleh (boston accent)
-
hey miss you cinna. hope all is well.
Awww... thanks, doll - I truly appreciate it. :)
I'm stopping by because I had a most brilliant idea and I just had to share it in my journal! ...that's right - your journal! (That's what I said... "I just had to share it in your journal!") ;)
I noticed that for some reason, I don't really ask for advice or help on this forum (while I will ask simple questions). It has nothing to do with me thinking that I don't need advice or help... I seem to prefer gleaning advice/help/tips by reading other people's posts/responses. I suspect that it has to do with the part of me that tends to insist on being self-sufficient, autonomous, etc.
But - I also really enjoy doing things that I don't normally do. So, I'm going to discuss/propose/do two very uncharacteristic things here:
1. I'm going to ask for something.
2. Instead of waiting to do things until I've achieved this or that so that I have the confidence, blah blah blah, I'm going to proceed (starting tomorrow - I need a day to mentally prepare myself) AS IF - basically, I'm going to "fake it until I make it." I believe "faking until making" works - I just never practice it.
OK, this is the idea. I have a goal. I want to achieve it, but the reward of achieving it doesn't seem to be enough motivation for me. This is where you come in. I feel that I am more likely to achieve my goal if one of my incentives is a reward/surprise/token of congratulations from you - and/or any good friend from the forum who wants to support. (Yes, even as I type this, I think I am brilliant and insane at the same time.)
So I think the reward should be a surprise - that adds to the excitement. And it doesn't have to have great/any monetary value. It could be a mixed cd; a trinket that has some significance; a cool button/magnet/whatever - just something way better than a used bandaid, please. What would you get in return? My heartfelt appreciation - and I would reciprocate if you have some goal, any goal - whether fitness/health/career/personal development/overcoming karaoke fears/whathaveyou - that you think the anticipation of a little surprise treat/reward would help motivate you. The cool part is, even if I were disappointed by my surprise (just a hypothetical), at least I achieved my goal!
But - if you were to accept my request (I'm not sure what to call it yet), you would only do so if you supported my goal and thought it was doable, not totally unsafe, etc. And say, for example, I got ten people backing me - imagine how much more motivated I would be if I were anticipating TEN surprise treats! I don't know if it's sad that I have to bribe myself with gifts from people I've never met, but I'm willing to try things that might work... And one of the best feelings in the world is receiving a little package in the mail and not knowing what's in it (that is, receiving it from a friend and knowing it has good-intention contents in it). :)
I believe this idea could also work without necessarily stating the actual goal or details, but the details would probably earn me more support. So, as you know, I wouldn't normally ask for anything, but even at the risk of feeling exposed, I'm willing to see what happens. Basically, I weigh 10-15 lbs more than I need to and I would like to lose it by Dec. 31st. If you would like to encourage me to meet that goal (and you find it realistic and safe), just say you accept my request and send me some interesting reward once I've achieved my goal. (Believe me, I've never done anything like this and I'm usually not very goal-oriented.) If you decide to reject my "request/goal," please do so by PM or just ignore this post (so people will think that you accepted my request/goal by PM and I can pretend that I haven't embarrassed myself on the public forum).
I'm offering this proposal/idea to KD and others on the forum that I've had some rapport/exchange with - no offense to others, I just feel more comfortable giving out my mailing address to those I've connected with already (just PM me if you want to send me something special and thoughtful). :) Also, I'm still taking a bit of a break...
So part two - faking it. What I'm going to fake until I make it is self-confidence. It doesn't come easy to me - I think it partly comes from grade school... I got good grades in grade school (but not h.s.) and I was shocked when I found out that some kids thought I was stuck up because of it. I found myself downplaying my intelligence. So part of me fears that people won't like me anymore and will think/speak poorly of me if I'm confident, or competent, or believe in myself - how sad (while I realize at the same time that people love confident people and I shouldn't care what people think about me).
So I just want to see what happens if I proceed AS IF I am as wonderful/talented/beautiful as people say I am. The main reason why I want to do this is because I believe my career could be very different and amazing if I believed what others believe about me (well, the good stuff - like, what if it's true?) and I was just willing to believe that I could be a great artist. And I keep seeing over and over and over again but haven't quite "learned" is how confidence is almost everything. Even with excess weight, I've been able to perform confidently and I'm getting just as many, if not more compliments now... and much of it is just because of the confidence that comes with experience - I know enough to know that I can be a rad-ass performer NOW without losing any weight - just as long as I believed it. This also ties in with my goal - the weight loss and getting in shape is part of my livelihood/profession/art and instead of just faking confidence when I perform, I'd like to exude confidence in all non-performing aspects of my career.
<sigh> I'm kind of scared to do this part two experiment, but I think it would be good/interesting for me and if everyone accuses me of being a monster egomaniac at the end, I could just say, "Haha, just kidding! It was an EXPERIMENT." So I'll start that tomorrow and I plan on doing it until the end of the year (basically just encourage myself, build myself up, proceed as if I've already achieved what I thought I needed to to feel confident, etc. without waiting for others to build me up from the outside). This is just a personal project - there is no specific goal (just something to work towards and observe results), so you don't have to send me a reward for this one. ;) And just to warn you - starting tomorrow - if I stop by the forum and I seem like a different person, please don't hate me. I'm just trying to unleash a bit of the inner cocky person that resides in everyone.
OK, back to the business of fun - thanks again for indulging me. I'm so proud of your continued experiments and success!
P.S. No one bother asking for current "before" pictures... I have a really strong feeling that you're not gonna get those...
P.P.S. Regarding the part two experiment, starting tomorrow, I'm just going to "be" (who I think I would be if I had what I believe that I lack). In other words, I may not keep talking about the experiment or refer to it. I'm not sure yet.
P.P.P.S. "...like fatty snow on a carcass" - very poetic... My WF only has grain-fed and grain-finished buffalo (I think).
-
Damn KD, you have an impressive build
-
1. I'm going to ask for something.
if and only if you make your goal, I guarantee you I will send you something you will enjoy. Something I make myself that is unique. capiche?
Damn KD, you have an impressive build
thanks, I like to bitch sometimes about my weight and such but I feel like I am making good progress overall. I'm not even all that athletically motivated or whatever by nature, but I am involved a few days a week at my CF gym and doing some other kinds of things and have no choice but to bike everywhere. I'm still sort of buzzing right now about destroying those ring push-ups. I guess being thinner..uh efficient..than most grunts has its advantages at times.
-
I did a Slankers order yesterday for the first time in awhile and had a funny chat with the operator or whatever. I tend to like eating mostly locally sourced muscle meats, so the things I tend to get from Slankers I guess are pretty odd and in odd quantities. He said I sounded like a pretty healthy eater :) and seemed inquisitive in general. Still been experimenting with all kind of foods. Not my first time trying this stuff of course, but I've picked up a variety of funky mushrooms, a few different types of sea vegetable in addition to the dulse I keep on hand, some hydroponic cucumber, florida avocado, some various herby lettuce type things like watercress and arugula, and cooked a few different types of meat and seafood and vegetables. Today I had a papaya. Seemed to go much better than last time I tried this 5 mo. ago or so.
I now feel more comfortable that if I travel and so forth I can bring along a cooler and compromise with friends to some degree int he evenings for at least a few days to a week I guess and suffer not too many consequences. Other than that my meals have been pretty bare-bones in the daytime, bone marrow from bison, some buffalo sirloin, some raw fish, raw butter, some ground meat I eat at the bus stop when I'm too sore from the gym to bike home from the store etc...and some of this:
http://www.rawpaleoforum.com/off-topic/what-are-you-eating-right-now/msg50842/#msg50842
http://www.rawpaleoforum.com/exercisebodybuilding/today%27s-workout/msg50843/#msg50843
-
if and only if you make your goal, I guarantee you I will send you something you will enjoy. Something I make myself that is unique. capiche?
Super righteous far out awesome. Thanks so much, KD! ;D
...and some of this:
http://www.rawpaleoforum.com/off-topic/what-are-you-eating-right-now/msg50842/#msg50842
You're hecka brave - that pic took a bit of my breath away.
I actually had some raw lamb souvlakia at work last night. I wasn't going to eat at all, but my bartender BFF insisted on scoring me some raw lamb from the ref. It was late, I told her not to, but that is how awesome she is and how much she loves me. :D I didn't eat it over where her sister's vegetarian friend was sitting, but I ended up eating it under an aqua neon sign - so with the weird lighting, you couldn't even really tell that it was raw. It was sneaky and fun and yummy. ;D Before I sat down, my friend said, "If anyone asks, just say it's medium-rare..." Nevermind that the kitchen had closed awhile ago. She is my hero. <3
I ended up letting the dude sitting next to me have a couple bites (in his own way, he was damn near raw paleo without realizing it and he wanted to try the lamb), so it was almost like sharing a raw meal with another sentient being other than my cat. (I haven't been out for sushi with another human being in a long, long time. I've been promised some RAF dinner dates by some men who are taking their time... I'm patient and not holding my breath.)
The raw lamb allowed me the strength to later catch up with BFF and company bar-hopping downtown (I didn't drink). BFF hadn't gotten back to me about their whereabouts when I got to Main Street, so I self muscle-tested which bar they were at and I was right. :)
Yamas!
-
Damn KD, you have an impressive build
Thanks, FTH! Oh, you meant KD...
cool to hear about the cruise. was it the Lynyrd Skynyrd cruise? )
Wait... I don't get it. :)
-
Thanks, FTH! Oh, you meant KD...
Wait... I don't get it. :)
I'm beginning to think this is like that movie where everyone starts dieing and then they find out slowly that they are just personalities inside some killers head! I'll be Ray Liota.
:)
I don't know, I've been on this Lynyrd Skynyrd thing ever since this guy came into my work who was a roadie for the new Lynyrd Skynyrd. he actually informed me that not only was the band named after their high school gym coach with the name Lynyrd Skynyrd. that this guy that I met indeed had pictures taken with the same Lynyrd Skynyrd recently. A few days later I came across info on the Lynyrd Skynyrd cruise-line while looking for info on the Grateful Dead cruise line. Sorry for leaving out the back-story, i just think the very idea of being on a boat with the remaining member of Lynyrd Skynyrd and whoever would go to such a thing is quite hilarious in itself.
I ended up letting the dude sitting next to me have a couple bites (in his own way, he was damn near raw paleo without realizing it and he wanted to try the lamb), so it was almost like sharing a raw meal with another sentient being other than my cat. (I haven't been out for sushi with another human being in a long, long time. I've been promised some RAF dinner dates by some men who are taking their time... I'm patient and not holding my breath.)
Yamas!
I think connecting to a variety of other people with this stuff is going to be key for you, I certainly have not mastered it myself. I hope some hunky guy treats you to some fatty mackerel.
bloody Yamas!
-
I'm beginning to think this is like that movie where everyone starts dieing and then they find out slowly that they are just personalities inside some killers head! I'll be Ray Liota.
You are Ray Liotta!
I don't know, I've been on this Lynyrd Skynyrd thing ever since this guy came into my work who was a roadie for the new Lynyrd Skynyrd. he actually informed me that not only was the band named after their high school gym coach with the name Lynyrd Skynyrd. that this guy that I met indeed had pictures taken with the same Lynyrd Skynyrd recently. A few days later I came across info on the Lynyrd Skynyrd cruise-line while looking for info on the Grateful Dead cruise line. Sorry for leaving out the back-story, i just think the very idea of being on a boat with the remaining member of Lynyrd Skynyrd and whoever would go to such a thing is quite hilarious in itself.
Well KD, it was the Lynyrd Skynyrd-bellydance cruise... are you making fun of me?
I think connecting to a variety of other people with this stuff is going to be key for you, I certainly have not mastered it myself.
In Saturday night's case, the dude is not my new RAF friend because he killed it when he wanted to connect with me further - in ways that I thought I had made politely clear, homegirl don't play that. I truly appreciated connecting unexpectedly (and surprisingly) with a fellow RAFer and paleo personality, said my thanks/goodbye, and got escorted to my car by a real gentleman/dear friend.
I hope some hunky guy treats you to some fatty mackerel.
bloody Yamas!
Yeah, 'bout time... I mean, look at me - last time I checked, an adorable koala sitting in a little tub of water was irresistible.
-
Sorry that particular thing did not work out. I certainly know the feeling when you hope that just because you have things in common with a person, the expectation for everything else to click. Perhaps I'm speaking mostly to myself here, but as I said before I'm getting confused who is in whos head. :) you certainly should be in the right area to meet a healthy guy. Its like a smokey coffin here. Someone online posted a rather generalizing - but funny- triangle diagram about women which probably has a similar correlation in men...anyway on each respective corner was attractive:intelligent:emotionally stable, and it said pick two. I guess its hard for anyone to have the whole package. These days I just hope I can do my thing without making a big fuss. I met another person here that was turned on by me eating dog food. hopefully this inspires Ioanna
---
my diet has been pretty eccentric lately. I bought 7 dozen eggs from the farmers market on Sat and they are already almost all gone...will be tomorrow. (this is not typical) I also since sat ate 2 packages of marrow bones containing 4:4 -5" bones each. >2 lbs of raw butter, an entire pack of ground organ dog food, 2 more lambs tongues, some raw chicken,a 2lb pack of high fat ground beef and probably 2 more lbs of muscle meat, 4 avocados, 2 organic grapefruits, a red headed Boston lettuce, cooked: chicken, pork, eggs, okra, trumpet mushrooms, and some token amounts of raw laver seaweed, dulse, raw honey, and sauerkraut. Then gave myself a pedicure and tortured a small dog
I mentioned in the workout thread that I was going to join a golds type gym instead of crossfit. turns out a I got a discount at cf for an unlimited membership, so I'm going to try and go an hustle as much as I can for one month before hibernation and gym ratness.
http://www.rawpaleoforum.com/off-topic/what-are-you-eating-right-now/msg51923/#msg51923\
http://www.rawpaleoforum.com/exercisebodybuilding/today%27s-workout/msg51918/#msg51918
-
I miscalculated on some of those figures. I had just finished off the last carton of eggs today, but I think 2 of the days I either had none or very few..so 7 dozen still went down heavy. also the butter I had calculated from when I got it Thursday, and forgot I ate 1lb up in a day because I was stranded somewhere with nothing else to eat so it was only 1 lb bet sat and tues. Have I mentioned I actually loathe the taste? partiuclarly when its good quality. I'm still downing bone marrow, can't get enough - literally, and moving towards a mostly organ meat/fat diet. Other than butter I've decided that anything with a unique taste is better than anything basically taste-less like pre-frozen ground meat, not to mention the advantage in nutrients and cost. I must have had .75-1.2.5 lb of organs every day this week. had a couple more types of vegetables and things the last few days. pears, and some cranberries as well. I'm back up to ~165 which means I gained 10 lbs (technically gained back weight I had lost over a 1-2 month period) in less a few weeks. Maybe i'll finally hit 170 which ive never done eating raw. People are starting to comment at my gym that I move really quick and so forth. Not much else, prepping for winter, and already don't want to live without sunshine anymore. I succumbed to ordering Vit D softgels. Maybe i'll finally experience some constipation on this diet. :)
just posted a bunch of pics in that hunter gatherer exercise/physique thread.
Heres one I left out because it was pretty much exactly the same :P
but with a hat!
also here is my jaw
---
also that manicure/dog torturing bit is from American Psycho, it people didn't get it instantly.
-
Sorry that particular thing did not work out. I certainly know the feeling when you hope that just because you have things in common with a person, the expectation for everything else to click. Perhaps I'm speaking mostly to myself here, but as I said before I'm getting confused who is in whos head. :) you certainly should be in the right area to meet a healthy guy. Its like a smokey coffin here. Someone online posted a rather generalizing - but funny- triangle diagram about women which probably has a similar correlation in men...anyway on each respective corner was attractive:intelligent:emotionally stable, and it said pick two. I guess its hard for anyone to have the whole package. These days I just hope I can do my thing without making a big fuss. I met another person here that was turned on by me eating dog food. hopefully this inspires Ioanna
Thanks... That triangle diagram thing sounds funny. I still believe in the whole package - I don't think it's too hard to find the whole package, whereas it is more challenging to find the right whole package. I think lots of people are all of the above. If anything, "emotionally stable" isn't as important as emotional intelligence - emotional intelligence suggests the room for growth and development. I think the "emotionally stable" point of the triangle has the most potential for change/growth. In addition, "emotionally stable" is, of course, just as subjective as "attractive" and "intelligent." Some people might interpret an emotionally stable person's expressiveness, openness/honesty, and authenticity as attributes of instability. But I do believe/hope that most people would rather have a real, authentic partner than an always "happy and relaxed," compliant, inauthentic, disassociated girlfriend/boyfriend/partner/spouse.
Have I mentioned I actually loathe the taste? partiuclarly when its good quality.
Lol, yes, I find it amusing/hilarious/cute/alien-like that you loathe raw butter... Have you ever tried making raw garlic and/or fresh herby butters? Dill, basil, rosemary, or rosemary garlic, etc. I think it's worth the little trouble. I recently made garlic butter with some grated "raw" parm-regg in it and I could eat it by itself, it was so yummerz. Although you eat so much butter, you'd probably OD on the herb carbs, j/k. I don't know how you eat so much butter when you loathe it.
Maybe i'll finally hit 170 which ive never done eating raw.
Here, let me give you some of my weight...
just posted a bunch of pics in that hunter gatherer exercise/physique thread.
Heres one I left out because it was pretty much exactly the same :P
but with a hat!
Lol - nice! :) I'll consider the look for my fashion show.
also that manicure/dog torturing bit is from American Psycho, it people didn't get it instantly.
Thanks, I had no idea... I thought you really did give yourself a pedi and then was kidding about the dog.
-
no pedicure. glad I clarified :). After recounting his day (expressing his disgust at a gay pride parade actually) Patrick Bateman mentions casually. "On the way to Wall Street this morning, due to gridlock I had to get out of the company car and was walking down Fifth Avenue [...] I sprinted over to Sixth Avenue, decided to be late for the office and took a cab back to my apartment where I put on a new suit (by Cerruti 1881), gave myself a pedicure and tortured to death a small dog I had bought earlier this week in a pet store on Lexington. Armstrong drones on. "
I think you are right about potential mates or even short term things, in a way there is no such thing as emotional stability, only its capacity I think. What it meant I believe was the -indeed the generalizing - remark that if you happen to find a women who was interesting, intelligent, and beautiful in probably a bar type setting, the odds are she was still single because she was either nuts or incredibly needy. Otherwise she would be married right?? -X The whole dating process seems to be a total strain on ones sanity, so in a way its a poor reflection on how one might be in a healthy relationship.
the butter thing is basically a non-paradox . I'm sure if I was eating small amounts as a condiment or with salt/spices it would be different. I enjoy eating it sometimes with the weirdest of combinations in some sweet fruits. I like it ok with scallops and liver, but I have to kind of bounce back and forth between the two to keep the taste from lingering. To me this is not the mark of a tasty food. I've eaten suet like an apple before but it doesn't break down as easy and I often just end up chewing a mash of it forever. I also think it yields poor energy per calorie compared to butter, but I don't know how scientific that is. The butter I get is also probably far more rich in minerals than any other animal fat I can get at least. Basically when I am eating it i'm throwing back 1.5 inch square chunks and then eating some kind of meat. The butter after eating maybe 100 lbs in this fashion has never been more satisfying than any other animal food I've ever eaten. I'd like to experiment with some recipes regardless, but the taste thing is sort of a non issue as long as it works the magic. The taste just certainly isn't an incentive for me in eating it. The worst thing by far is those blended egg/butter/lemon or nut things - the butter gets all curdled. I can see why folks down the honey.
----
if you do a male line you should totally recruit some folks here as models :)
As for the weight trade, in my job to motivate you I must say you'll have to convert to lean mass first before I become interested in taking what you got.
-
I guess its hard for anyone to have the whole package.
I think I expect the whole package, and am entirely disappointed to discover anything less... and then I'm gone. :'(
I met another person here that was turned on by me eating dog food. hopefully this inspires Ioanna.
haha, nice! i'll be especially inspired when you share your dog food ;) ... and not with a dog! :)
-
I think I expect the whole package, and am entirely disappointed to discover anything less... and then I'm gone. :'(
haha, nice! i'll be especially inspired when you share your dog food ;) ... and not with a dog! :)
haha like Lady and the Tramp style.
yeah I dunno, I think I probably do need the whole package, but I tend to stubbornly explore whatever. Recently I ran into trouble with this. Theres def a spectrum with looks, so there has to be with emotional poise! Somehow I think intelligence oddly for me has a higher bar. not super high but probably higher than average, whereas I would probably date a girl with 'average' looks if she was super cool.
-
no pedicure. glad I clarified :).
I gave myself a pedi yesterday.
The whole dating process seems to be a total strain on ones sanity, so in a way its a poor reflection on how one might be in a healthy relationship.
Haha! I've never been much of a dater... I'm trying to change that atm, but so far it hasn't seemed worth the "trouble" (I sound like I have a bad attitude). Perhaps I don't give people enough of a "chance," but I also feel like I "know" I like someone within three minutes or three hours or three days of talking to or knowing them. Even when I've been "wrong" about someone I liked, I wasn't really wrong because there was something significant (growth-enhancing or pre-in utero contract-fulfilling or karmic debt-paying) that I needed to learn/experience from my interaction with them.
if you do a male line you should totally recruit some folks here as models :)
Great idea, but this is for my Torrid-Horrid homeless fashion chic show primarily comprised of pieces that my mom bought on clearance at Target. I would love to get you into something, but she's been buying small, medium, even extra small sizes (I'm petite when I'm not fat)... I don't think they will fit you. :(
As for the weight trade, in my job to motivate you I must say you'll have to convert to lean mass first before I become interested in taking what you got.
'sigh', fine! <sulky smiley>... Sorry, I'm kinda cranky today (not sleeping much) and you're a dear for motivating me. I've been taking two steps forward, 1 1/2 steps back... so I feel like I'm not getting anywhere. I need a few weeks... btw, I get mad props for attempting this during the holidays. -[
-
I think I expect the whole package, and am entirely disappointed to discover anything less... and then I'm gone. :'(
Good - you should expect and experience/receive the whole package. You always deserve the whole package and should never settle. :-* <3
yeah I dunno, I think I probably do need the whole package, but I tend to stubbornly explore whatever. Recently I ran into trouble with this. Theres def a spectrum with looks, so there has to be with emotional poise! Somehow I think intelligence oddly for me has a higher bar. not super high but probably higher than average, whereas I would probably date a girl with 'average' looks if she was super cool.
Exploring "whatever" is interesting/important/helpful too (not always as counter-productive as it usually seems)... It definitely helps us define/refine what our ideal "right whole package" might look like anyways - so we'll recognize her/him when we're ready and s/he appears. :)
For sure, intelligence (oh - and true kindness/goodness, honesty/openness, self-awareness/self-reflection, love/respect, reliability/integrity, and authenticity) is a more precious commodity than looks. It's not just that looks "fade." Looks just don't seem as important after 15 months or after 15 years... Being able to engage in a truly stimulating and soul-satisfying and mind-expanding conversation with the same intelligent person 15 years down the road is going to be waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay more fulfilling/interesting than looking at the same pretty face - even if that same face is just as beautiful as it was 15 years ago.
A match of your intelligence will keep you growing, learning, discovering, becoming a better person. A match of your looks will... be a match of your looks. And you might be bored too. But if s/he is cute, not smart, but very kind/sincere and funny, that's cool too. ;)
-
You can meet youngish girls 'out' who are normal, and fun. The good ones get taken pretty quick though.
I think you should settle for the incomplete package BTW.
-
Woah that One Million Years BC looks excellent! Is it good? I watched a 9min youtube music video for it, think I might watch the whole thing. Never heard of it before now. And the space-girl dance was good too.
Posting here since this is kind of KD&Cinna's shared journal now =D.
-
Haha! I've never been much of a dater... I'm trying to change that atm, but so far it hasn't seemed worth the "trouble" (I sound like I have a bad attitude). Perhaps I don't give people enough of a "chance," but I also feel like I "know" I like someone within three minutes or three hours or three days of talking to or knowing them. Even when I've been "wrong" about someone I liked, I wasn't really wrong because there was something significant (growth-enhancing or pre-in utero contract-fulfilling or karmic debt-paying) that I needed to learn/experience from my interaction with them.
I've been taking two steps forward, 1 1/2 steps back... so I feel like I'm not getting anywhere. I need a few weeks... btw, I get mad props for attempting this during the holidays. -[
This first thing reminds me of the old Chris Farley routine with the quotes..on weekend update.
"Maybe I'm not "the norm". I'm not "camera friendly". I don't "wear clothes that fit me". I'm not a "heartbreaker". I haven't "had sex with a woman"; I don't know "how that works". I guess I don't "fall in line". I'm not "hygenic". I don't "wipe properly". I lack "style". I have no "charisma" or "self esteem". I don't "own a toothbrush" or "let my scabs heal". I can't "reach all the parts of my body". When I sleep, I "sweat profusely"."
Maybe i don't " smell good"?
sounds like you are taking a half step forward. This is good. In fact its even better than 5 steps forward and then getting distracted and wandering off somewhere where we can't find you :).
I like going on dates, I think i'm good a the actual date part, just not all the game/drama/whathaveyou of when to call how long to keep your text messages and all this other shit. I think i'm going over to the dark-side soon ( as per the Women thread) because it seems like the only way to being totally "cool" in these situations is to already have something going on!...any sense of desperation is fucking fatal!
For sure, intelligence (oh - and true kindness/goodness, honesty/openness, self-awareness/self-reflection, love/respect, reliability/integrity, and authenticity) is a more precious commodity than looks. It's not just that looks "fade." Looks just don't seem as important after 15 months or after 15 years... Being able to engage in a truly stimulating and soul-satisfying and mind-expanding conversation with the same intelligent person 15 years down the road is going to be waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay more fulfilling/interesting than looking at the same pretty face - even if that same face is just as beautiful as it was 15 years ago.
A match of your intelligence will keep you growing, learning, discovering, becoming a better person. A match of your looks will... be a match of your looks. And you might be bored too. But if s/he is cute, not smart, but very kind/sincere and funny, that's cool too. ;)
yeah there are so many qualities overlooked in that pyramid :). I'm not going to present myself as a saint, looks are very important to me, but looks embraces way more than a symmetrical face or whatever (which I don't really care about) but also body for sure and even mannerisms. A girl for me might not be runway material but might be totally cute just the way she acts and exudes. but yeah I think in the range of a nice body seems necessary ://. I've been involved with only one girl who was deemed by other people around me as really not smart. she had allt he trappings of a smart person (good college etc..) but it took the convincing of others that she was obnoxiously dumb. I think lacking the kind/sincere parts was probably more the nail in the coffin. I've also noticed the more beautiful girls I date, the more they say things like they arn't good enough or something...and then end up dumping me :) what is that?
You can meet youngish girls 'out' who are normal, and fun. The good ones get taken pretty quick though.
I think you should settle for the incomplete package BTW.
I've been dating some girls in the early 20's which is sort of new for me. not having alot of luck thus far. Seems to be some major gap with growing up with more technology maybe. I think you are right though. I hate to say it but I particularly feel this was due to RPD, even though I really try to push it to the periphery of my mind in that dating moment. I can't even be sure I'm the complete package!
-
There's no age/technology gap. Girls are girls. They're pretty much have the same as they've always been. IMO.
-
Haha! I've never been much of a dater...
i'm not much into dating either, so if i do accept it usually means i'm already attracted to him on some level. and then i end the relationship when i get the sense that i cannot trust him with my innermost thoughts, emotions, whatever. his perception is an abrupt end, but mine is not... i'm at least equally hurt/disappointed though.
-
There's no age/technology gap. Girls are girls. They're pretty much have the same as they've always been. IMO.
I dunno. I never sent more than 2 consecutive text messages in my life that consisted of much than "hi, at the front door" "i'm outside the bar" (or whatever), "give me a ring later I can't chat now" etc.. now its like a fucking novella on my cell phone that needs to get erased weekly. who knew when someone texts "how u doiin?" its impolite to call and NOT spend 3 hrs having a conversation like praying mantises.
I think partly i'm old fashioned or something. I do think someone from the 50's would have a gee golly hard time today. I mean..in my mind when you screw someone a few times, its not too inappropriate to try to maybe...kiss them on a 4th or fith date, and not be presented with "What the fuck dude!????"
i'm not much into dating either, so if i do accept it usually means i'm already attracted to him on some level. and then i end the relationship when i get the sense that i cannot trust him with my innermost thoughts, emotions, whatever. his perception is an abrupt end, but mine is not... i'm at least equally hurt/disappointed though.
that makes sense. I think sometimes i'm the reverse...too transparent maybe.
-
i like old fashioned.. i thought all girls do? .. cinna???
an old fashioned gentleman in america hardly exists i think? (present company excluded ;) )
-
i like old fashioned.. i thought all girls do? .. cinna???
an old fashioned gentleman in america hardly exists i think? (present company excluded ;) )
heh, yeah the one of the girls that I really liked said I was "way too nice" and that she "usually dated assholes" said in a positive light.
if she only knew what a verbose prick I was on RPF
she actually called me 2 weeks after we split and said the same thing. That I was really cool and should be with someone that wasn't such an asshole, as if that would make one feel better about not being with someone they liked. I guess she meant well.
maybe I should listen to a little of the Women-thread wodg wisdom till I meet a similar whole package healthy person to you girls.
-
Maybe you should take up something perceived as rough/mean like cage-fighting. So they'll get to see you as a mean/rough person, and you can still be nice to them. Or put on some scar make-up and pretend you've been killing dogs with your bare hands for a Korean restaurant =)
-
now its like a fucking novella on my cell phone that needs to get erased weekly. who knew when someone texts "how u doiin?" its impolite to call and NOT spend 3 hrs having a conversation like praying mantises.
I think partly i'm old fashioned or something. I do think someone from the 50's would have a gee golly hard time today. I mean..in my mind when you screw someone a few times, its not too inappropriate to try to maybe...kiss them on a 4th or fith date, and not be presented with "What the fuck dude!????"
if she only knew what a verbose prick I was on RPF
Maybe you should take up something perceived as rough/mean like cage-fighting. So they'll get to see you as a mean/rough person, and you can still be nice to them. Or put on some scar make-up and pretend you've been killing dogs with your bare hands for a Korean restaurant =)
Omg, omg - you guys are killing me... LOL!!!!!!!!!!! (Thank you! I need to laugh more! ;D ) I'm sorry, KD - I am not laughing at your pain... it's just the way you word it... :-*
-
Maybe you should take up something perceived as rough/mean like cage-fighting. So they'll get to see you as a mean/rough person, and you can still be nice to them. Or put on some scar make-up and pretend you've been killing dogs with your bare hands for a Korean restaurant =)
you mean other than eating bones and animal tongues? heh I think partly you are right..I probably send out mixed messages as to what exact kind of dude I am because I really don't know. yeah I work out and eat raw meat but other than that i'm pretty dainty and civilized and possibly even an intellectual communist. I enjoy shit TV and gong to museums and not so much motorcycles and monster truck rallies and putting cigarettes out on my tongue. but yeah...it was crap weather the other night so this dude gave me and my bike a ride home from my gym. anyway, he does some type of MA (I forgot) what but its basically grappling. Its a bit far from me but I might scope it out even though the face paint seems more my style.
if she only knew what a verbose prick I was on RPF
Even after sending Mr. S an apologetic and conciliatory PM regarding my "injun" remark, I'm biting my hand to not mention that 1/8 and 1/16 on each contributing side equals I believe 3/32 not 1/6, as two smaller fractions only equally a larger fraction when you add them numerically, particulary when 1/6 is larger than each contribuitng parents percentage. like if your mom was 1/4 Asian and your dad 1/2 Asian, you would be 3/8 Asian not 3/4 Asian.. grrrrrrr what is wrong with me? While am I reading blood quantum laws? i need some kind of anal detox..err detox from being anal retentive]
hot links:
http://www.rawpaleoforum.com/off-topic/what-are-you-eating-right-now/msg52768/?topicseen#msg52768
http://www.rawpaleoforum.com/exercisebodybuilding/today%27s-workout/msg52757/?topicseen#msg52757
-
Hey KD I don't remember what proportions he said but I remember working it out to come to 1/6, I forget though.
-
I don't see how that is possible but I have lost out to math problems here before. Either way i'm an asshole I suppose. I have already apologized, but perhaps here is a greater opportunity for me to also look more wrong. That's better than sorry.
[yeah...the numbers were listed wrong. Given the description the parents would be 1/4 not 1/8 and 1/8 not 1/16..still seems like 3/16] eek ok back to my anal detox.
-
Just text 'maybe' 'k' 'yep' don't get in conversations in txt messaging, your not a chick or or gay. Keep it short.
i like old fashioned.. i thought all girls do? .. cinna???
an old fashioned gentleman in america hardly exists i think? (present company excluded ;) )
This proves girls are crazy.
-
Woah that One Million Years BC looks excellent! Is it good? I watched a 9min youtube music video for it, think I might watch the whole thing. Never heard of it before now.
I've never seen the movie. I just know about the must-see girl in it. :)
And the space-girl dance was good too.
Coolio, I'm so happy you appreciated it. :)
-
Cinna: I see you are working on your Asian squat.
-
This first thing reminds me of the old Chris Farley routine with the quotes..on weekend update.
"Maybe I'm not "the norm". I'm not "camera friendly". I don't "wear clothes that fit me". I'm not a "heartbreaker". I haven't "had sex with a woman"; I don't know "how that works". I guess I don't "fall in line". I'm not "hygenic". I don't "wipe properly". I lack "style". I have no "charisma" or "self esteem". I don't "own a toothbrush" or "let my scabs heal". I can't "reach all the parts of my body". When I sleep, I "sweat profusely"."
Lol, I think sleep deprivation brings out my inner Chris Farley... I was killing my cabinmates on the cruise, I was so hilariously funny... yeah, not so much when I'm better-rested.
Omg, I quoted you and I'm looking at your text in the writing box and you actually made the outside quotations BOLD?!!? That strikes me as unusually detailed and particular, especially for you! - I mean, grammar/punctuation-usage-wise, I'm sure you're very detailed/particular in other areas... I mean, I guess it wouldn't take long to do, but I couldn't even tell that they were bold... it's just now I'm seeing all the b'b's. You're thoughtful.
sounds like you are taking a half step forward. This is good. In fact its even better than 5 steps forward and then getting distracted and wandering off somewhere where we can't find you :).
:)
I like going on dates, I think i'm good a the actual date part, just not all the game/drama/whathaveyou of when to call how long to keep your text messages and all this other shit. I think i'm going over to the dark-side soon ( as per the Women thread) because it seems like the only way to being totally "cool" in these situations is to already have something going on!...any sense of desperation is fucking fatal!
I kinda don't see that as being very "you," but you know, who am I to know what "you" is... I really don't know. I may not remember all the particulars of the dark side, but I figure, the more games you play, the more game-playing people you attract. You want something real? Be real, be yourself, keep it real. Games and contrivances attract more games and contrivances. I'm not saying you can't do different things to mix up the game and have fun, even faking more confidence to "make" more true confidence, but acting too cool for school - even if it garners lots of attention and puffery - isn't going to impress the real deal... As I continue to write, I have that sinkingness that none of this is really making sense, so I'll move on. Wow, it must be cliche/idiomatic expression night in the Cinna-centric universe.
I've also noticed the more beautiful girls I date, the more they say things like they arn't good enough or something...and then end up dumping me :) what is that?
Hm. I wonder why... any ideas or do you really have no idea?
I've been dating some girls in the early 20's which is sort of new for me. not having alot of luck thus far. Seems to be some major gap with growing up with more technology maybe. I think you are right though. I hate to say it but I particularly feel this was due to RPD, even though I really try to push it to the periphery of my mind in that dating moment.
What was due to RPD? Oh, and what am I right about exactly? (I wanna know.) :)
I can't even be sure I'm the complete package!
I think we're all complete-package works-in-progress.
-
i like old fashioned.. i thought all girls do? .. cinna???
an old fashioned gentleman in america hardly exists i think? (present company excluded ;) )
Yes, I love old-fashioned! Especially donuts, men, general stores, stagecoach inns, westerns, saloons, log cabins, Harold Lloyd movies... old-fashioned is my cup of tea.
Cinna: I see you are working on your Asian squat.
Yeah. :)
-
haha, how about tumbleweeds and saloons, and duels?
we should do the Kill Bill Wedding..uh without the massacre.
that comment about RPD was a typo and should have said ' I feel this way due to RD" not "was due". It wasn't a response to you, but to wodg about settling. I was saying that since i'm on this diet in particular - on top of all my other faults :) - there seems to be some settling required. Not saying this is true of course, but I feel it is. Theres certain types of girls I won't even try for, and it isn't because I think they wouldn't want to go for me, It just seems to me like it wouldn't work out -X
Let me punctuate in peace!!!!
-
Hey KD, what was your health like before you were a fruitarian, and what led you to become one?
-
hmmm. I guess this is buried in my journal somewhere.
http://www.rawpaleoforum.com/journals/journalistica/msg34059/#msg34059
http://www.rawpaleoforum.com/journals/journalistica/msg34150/#msg34150
so yeah. pretty heavy for me. I've had a lot of residual affects from these things but the plus is i'm still walking/kicking ass when I was assured that was going to be impossible without major surgery. And this is/was minor and cosmetic compared to the other stuff. I've had some pretty intense diagnosis and treatments and am pretty sure i'm the only person my age that i know that has had a spinal tap.
Basically all my experiences with the medical community made me know I had to do things differently then how everyone else was doing them. it was a slow learning curve I guess that drew me to veganism - then all raw sprouts/plant fats and then doing largely fruits to try to maintain some level of 'success' (calories) with only eating raw plants.
Before and during the almost exclusively fruit phase, I did alot of cleanses and such which I still maintain were helpful. I showed alot of measurable improvement on bone scans and such just getting off modern foods and juicing dandelion greens and such. I was involved in a bunch of other esoteric practices, various spiritual yoga and sun-gazing which might have been helpful in some ways but proved unbalancing as well.
I still check in with conventional docs and stuff, get extensive blood work and such. things seem much better but I usually carry some underlying anxiety from the whole ordeal or which diet is best etc...in short as far as I remember my health has always been bad to abominable. Now after 5+ years of experiments, although I think there is still a degree of sacrifice that feels largely unfair in compassion to most of my peers, but lately I hardly feel like I put in that much daily effort to feel probably better than average, although nothing is totally perfect of course. Part of this might be time and part might still be finding the right approach for me. But yeah quite a noticeable improvement to many.
-
Thanks.
-
Haha! I've never been much of a dater... I'm trying to change that atm, but so far it hasn't seemed worth the "trouble" (I sound like I have a bad attitude). Perhaps I don't give people enough of a "chance," but I also feel like I "know" I like someone within three minutes or three hours or three days of talking to or knowing them. Even when I've been "wrong" about someone I liked, I wasn't really wrong because there was something significant (growth-enhancing or pre-in utero contract-fulfilling or karmic debt-paying) that I needed to learn/experience from my interaction with them.
This first thing reminds me of the old Chris Farley routine with the quotes..on weekend update.
Let me punctuate in peace!!!!
Who is the pot, KD? Who is the pot...
But let's not squabble... Herman's Hermits Starring Peter Noone is playing at a local club Nov. 27th - wanna go with me? The last couple times I've been in my non-WF local HFS, a Herman's Hermits song was playing. It's a sign. Oh sh*tstickles! (supposed to rhyme with "popsicles," not "testicles") - I'm scheduled to work that night... I can't miss work right now. :( I'm sorry. Nevermind.
-
hey KD, you have a lot of muscle mass, so your health now is really good, otherwise you wouldnt be able to maintain it. perhaps you are "almost there" and need to tweak your neuro-transmitters or fully make sure your gut health is healed.
im a young guy, 30, and have always been under the gun healthwise, but on the outside i look fine, but no muscle mass due to overstressed metabolism and systemic inflammation. the fact that you look as good as you do is a great bio-marker for health.
i eat a raw-ish hypo-allergenic paleo solution diet now and i'm healing my gut finally.
-
thanks man, yeah I tend to think you are right. but I have brains too you know :). I was just trying to answer Miles' question accurately, and reveal that I also still have doubts and concerns on top of my sucesses.
I have a few of the tradtional (as in Tradtional Chinese Medicine) signs of poor digestive health (not to mention the more obvious little burps sometimes) but I agree it makes little sense how this wouldn't affect so many other things if it really was that severe. I just recently started slamming down food. Prior to that I seemed to be efficiently using what I ate so I have to assume my stomach is functioning for the most part.
I think i'm pretty far from overthinking these things these days, but I do like to be open and honest so I can perhaps get feedback/refine things further or give insight to others. on this thread I started to mention some of my awareness to potential issues with a VLC diet.
http://www.rawpaleoforum.com/hot-topics/dangers-of-rzc-part-ii/msg53737/#msg53737
So for me its just benefical to reveal any symptoms in the possibility they are tied to what I am doing rather than something unique to me. Perhaps others have differnt desires, but ideally my goal is be able to eat any omniorous raw foods or cooked paleo foods (including starch) when the situation arises and have no issues such as CFS or eye burnout. Its strange because I think sometimes people here overremphasise and dwell on particular issues to the point where they can be destructive, but equally likely there are probably things people CAN do differently to change their situation, and often times this can go beyond a certain comfort zone or even logic I think. This is probably why i'm more drawn and open to ideas based on healing and tools as opposted to foods that are the most natural to eat.
---
!
http://www.rawpaleoforum.com/exercisebodybuilding/today's-workout/msg53945/#msg53945
!
---
Cinna this is exactly the kind of messages I get on my phone from girls. Good to hear the hermits are still playing though.
-
Cinna this is exactly the kind of messages I get on my phone from girls. Good to hear the hermits are still playing though.
lol, but maybe this time it's different because now you get to go see Cinna perform! ;) duh! :P
don't forget the flowers!! :D
-
Cinna this is exactly the kind of messages I get on my phone from girls. Good to hear the hermits are still playing though.
KD, this is exactly the kind of response I get from one of the guys at work... I'll pay him a sincere compliment or give a thoughtful response (feedback) to something he's said, and instead of saying "thanks," he says, "Do you know how many women have said that to me? Do you know how many times I have heard that before?" He is a good guy. Maybe somewhere inside he does feel special or flattered, but it doesn't make me feel like he really "received" anything from me - how special can it be when so many other people have told him the same thing?
Well, it is special coming from me. I thought of you when I found out about the concert (and I heard the two songs on two separate occasions). I thought that you would enjoy an HH concert, so I invited you. And even though you probably couldn't make it and I really do have to work, you are the only person I asked to go with me because you are the person I would have liked to see HH with. I'm having a very sensitive day and my tantrum is now over. Just know that you were being thought of.
lol, but maybe this time it's different because now you get to go see Cinna perform! ;) duh! :P
don't forget the flowers!! :D
Ohhhh, you're sweet, Ioanna... Actually, I'd recommend the HH concert (over my show). (These smilies are no longer descriptive enough for me... I can't find the right one.)
-
I'll pay him a sincere compliment or give a thoughtful response (feedback) to something he's said, and instead of saying "thanks," he says, "Do you know how many women have said that to me? Do you know how many times I have heard that before?" He is a good guy. Maybe somewhere inside he does feel special or flattered, but it doesn't make me feel like he really "received" anything from me - how special can it be when so many other people have told him the same thing?
I think that is perhaps a bit diffent, particulary with the surrounding conversation and me regulary shareing my experiences with women in this journal. I wasn't saying 'oh like i havn't heard this before', I was just repeating fom the previous conversation that I get alot of indirect opportunity-tease type mixed messages from girls ("I want you to come over right now..but wait... I have something else to do that probably isnt important. Why don't you wait around and I'LL call you some other time??"). Of course yours didn't truly fit this category as the sentiment was in the thought and not the practicallity of actually happening - thus the irony in being opposite in similiarity. I regret that you took it the way you did, as on my end it was just meant to be a joke on me.
Aw, you're a prince, KD... I don't want my own forum journal, so I'm so happy that I can speak to myself here in your journal! Thank you, I'll be sure to talk about my period (once every 28 days), ovaries, costume jewelry, organic tampons, feng shui, Alien Nation, homeopathy, baby goats, and other critical questions/issues pertaining to life and career - liquid eyeliner or pencil eyeliner? I'll be posting pix of my cats and comic book collection here, as well. OK? Swell! I'm co-opting your journal because you said I could. :)
I believe our journal vows included "in tantrum and in Alien Nation".
---
would it help to send the flowers now? :-*
-
lol, but maybe this time it's different because now you get to go see Cinna perform! ;) duh! :P
don't forget the flowers!! :D
What was wrong with this idea?
-
I think that is perhaps a bit diffent, particulary with the surrounding conversation and me regulary shareing my experiences with women in this journal. I wasn't saying 'oh like i havn't heard this before', I was just repeating fom the previous conversation that I get alot of indirect opportunity-tease type mixed messages from girls ("I want you to come over right now..but wait... I have something else to do that probably isnt important. Why don't you wait around and I'LL call you some other time??"). Of course yours didn't truly fit this category as the sentiment was in the thought and not the practicallity of actually happening - thus the irony in being opposite in similiarity. I regret that you took it the way you did, as on my end it was just meant to be a joke on me.
OK, thank you for your kind/gentle and non-defensive response. I do take full responsibility for how I took it - I was aware of my sensitivity, yet I still had to post something pouty - no matter how "ridiculous" the situation considering how we are joking around all the time and I did indeed invite you to something that neither of us would be able to go to (but perhaps in a parallel universe, we would be going!) and then took it back (joking around, as usual). (Like when my sis would come home and tell me about the most incredible dessert she got me at Mani's and then apologize because she couldn't help herself and ate it on the way home. Yeah, that sucks.) I love SD's recent quote post, b/c it makes me feel better about what happened (how I reacted and responded - there was some consciousness and awareness there). :)
"The great moments of our life are at the points when we gain courage to re-baptise our badness as the best in us." (Nietzsche)
In this case, I'm interpreting "badness" as also "weakness" - b/c we're taught that shadow emotions are "bad." They are somewhat messy and ugly and inconvenient - but also beautiful because they are very human and honest and pure. It would have eaten at me inside if I tried to push the sulky/pouty feelings aside... at the risk of looking extremely silly and ridiculous (where the courage plays in actually), I had to express myself. I took pains to be sincere and not bitchy/sarcastic. I was fully aware that you did nothing wrong. :)
I believe our journal vows included "in tantrum and in Alien Nation".
You're right... Funny you should quote something that mentions period and tampons at this moment. ;) I already know that refined sugar and pre-menstrual/menstrual are a volatile combination for me and I get to see it play out on the public forum. YES! :D
---
would it help to send the flowers now? :-*
Oh, your post was my flowers... thank you so much, they're beautiful! :) (I had a forum moment - thank you again for understanding, I really appreciate it.)
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_OoSMj6GjGc
-
Omg, reminds me of Christian the Lion - waterworks everytime! I LOOOOOOOOVE Christian. <3 <3 <3
It was chilly today! I was cold. Don't tell anyone, but I'm craving s'mores -\... I think it's the weather... and maybe also the commercial I saw on TV...?
Say, that was your Mammoth Hunter-crowning post - congrats!
-
I had a raw thanksgiving
I had 1 lb of liver and 3 fatty lamb blade chops and ground organs dogfood and almost an entire lb of raw butter throughout the day - much of which was consumed with some dates as my little thanksgiving 'guilty pleasure' that everyone at my gym was talking about as being well deserved. Technically, I generally don't consider dates from anywhere but the tree or The Date People to be truly raw..but these were bought refrigerated and organic. I tried to eat them with some in-shell pecans that I had bought, but since I don't have a nut cracker I was bashing them with a mag-lite and making a tremendous mess and noise. I figured it was Thanksgiving and would give my neighbors (really noisy themselves usually) a break. I didn't sample the taste yet and can't say i've had a nut in ages...oh yeah I started the day giving thanks with six extra large whole eggs.
I had cooked some really fractally looking romensco from my farmers market and some Japanese yam a few days ago so it wasn't really for purist reasons. Just had a quiet day. People usually can't cook turkey for shit anyway. The yams actually digested perfectly unlike the regular red potato I tried a few months ago which left me in terrible heartburn and questioning my digestive capabilities. Could be a quantity difference. I did see my folks and mentioned this same thing and they said people that eat 2lbs of potatoes might get heartburn. I said what about 1lb of butter?
It was chilly today! I was cold. Don't tell anyone, but I'm craving s'mores -\... I think it's the weather... and maybe also the commercial I saw on TV...?
Say, that was your Mammoth Hunter-crowning post - congrats!
---
yes and even more mammoth amounts of slamming my keyboard as PD would say. ah well, makes the day go by at work.
don't know what to tell you on the smores. I know commercial TV is just really over the top these days with the food ads. I always Crave 'blue' and want to stick foods inside of other foods inside of peanut butter almost immediately following my regularly scheduled program.
-
You needed a nut cracker to crack pecans, wtf? Just put two together in one hand and squeeze them together. My 80 year old grandpa dying of cancer showed me this trick.
-
ok..well this journal has become rather uneventful, I'm willing to take no more than half the responsibility here.
been experiencing a range of positive and negative things. mostly positive in regards to diet/health/strength, mostly negative in regards to life stuff. I won't bore with details. I thought I might have had some kind of fluke as my elimination was in its terrible/great cycle it seems to do, but now I think the things I see are just long strands from the organ mix I eat. My elimination is also back to something any 'healthy' person would be proud of. I dunno. I've put on almost 15 lbs of mostly muscle in a few months, so i'm guessing I have less tape worms than I had most other years in my life. I've just been crushing at the gym, I credit the lack of anything else going on and my massive sleep and laziness ethic in addition to my strict yet balanced diet. :)
http://www.rawpaleoforum.com/exercisebodybuilding/today%27s-workout/msg55039/#msg55039
up till today 12/9. my legs are definitely showing the most change in mass, with my vascularity being the next most noticeable change to myself but hard to see in images.
here is some KD porn
---
-
So I attended a potluck at my gym which I has some hesitations about..mostly because it was cold and I couldn't figure out what and how I would bring stuff to eat in my backpack riding...but some general social hangups also. I threw some roots and veggies and crap in the oven, made a salad - forced my effort. The people there are just really great, and I would probably be kicking myself if I had listened to my 'ah who cares' mindset. I think alot in life is just saying yes to things, unless there is some extremely legitimate 'gut' instinct that has nothing to do with ego and comfort zones. Other than social stuff, they had this bike race off thing with a sensor and coach W faced off against Mr. Y, and coach T against coach Z. 10 minutes later coach Z comes up to me and says something like "so coach X says you are a pussy and won't race him" or something and I said, "ok I don't care" ( I had just eaten some root veggies I brought and not in the mood for physical activity particularly sprinting) 1 minute later I hear. Ok so KD vs coach X get ready to race in 5 minutes. ha. so its a 500 m sprint and the times so far are in the upper-mid 20's seconds, so I knew it was going to suck, and my Keds foot sock I wear slipped out of the strap almost right away which not only set me back in adjustment and time ( HAD to be at least one second or more) but made it harder to pedal, but I still won..heh heh. my time for 500 meters was somewhere ~26s and yeah could have been less. the bike was a fixed which I am not used to riding, and it was almost as if my maximum speed went faster than the bike and was uncomfortable. If it had some factored in resistance I would have probably fared even better. Never raced bikes in my life.
-
I'm glad you went, found something you could bring/eat and glad you totally kicked butt on the bike!
I've got a work potluck next week and still trying to decide what to bring. I hate these things, but potlucks every so often are the only social thing my work does.
-
ok..well this journal has become rather uneventful, I'm willing to take no more than half the responsibility here.
HEY! ...good one!!!!! :D
I appreciate the KD porn. Renew my subscription.
-
HEY! ...good one!!!!! :D
I appreciate the KD porn. Renew my subscription.
I've upgraded you to the live cam.
---
I just got back from a trip to NYC - possibly scouting out whether I might move back there. I'm trying to not let diet and stuff factor in to where and how I live and work but it unfortunately does. I almost took a job where I would be working very long hours in a very professional and clean environment. would be up early and present other issues too for me. So it wasn't the main factor, but probably if I was on a typical routine and drinking coffee or whatever I would have forgot about some of the other negatives and took the opportunity.
Everyone I know eats and drinks crap 24/7 and doesn't seem drastically less healthy...while I go sneak steaks outside in public parks in 15 deg wind chill. Other than that I had a fantastic time.
---
after a many year hiatus of not doing traditional gyms I bench pressed 225 lbs. almost 60 lbs over my bodyweight
http://www.rawpaleoforum.com/exercisebodybuilding/today%27s-workout/msg56862/#msg56862
-
Everyone I know eats and drinks crap 24/7 and doesn't seem drastically less healthy...while I go sneak steaks outside in public parks in 15 deg wind chill. Other than that I had a fantastic time.
It's hard to tell how "healthy" someone else other than ourselves is. They might be toxic from their diet and ready to keel and have no idea that will happen any minute. It would be nicer though for us at least I think, if the world all ate naturally. I know we're building strength we would have had otherwise, clean strength.
-
Dedicated a blog post to you, KD.
Hope you get more fan mail:
http://www.myhealthblog.org/2011/01/05/fruitarian-does-not-work-raw-paleo-diet-works-before-and-after-pics/
-
heh heh, more fan mail. thanks GS.
"KD is a normal human being:" I think this is the nicest thing someone has said to me here. haha. Not sure how true this is, but I definitely feel that this diet is a tool to increase ones health in our current world...to do what we want to do and not just for some abstract goal. Sure there are alot of bad things out there to dwell on, but plenty to keep me entertained and motivated. Maybe i'm too hung up with appearances, but these days I prefer foods that make me feel and look healthy, not some concept of what is good. If I don't get into nitty-gritty details of my diet with others, likely people are pleased with my health and demeanor. I can't prove (or want to) that veganism is bad, but I can say this certainly was not the case for me there...always conflicts with others/rationalizing things that wern't real.
for the record, the pics were taken in 2007 but that was after 1-2 years of fruitarian depending on how one defines such things but being all raw veg for sure. I continued on veganism for at least 6 months after these were taken (tried focusing more on sprouts and some grains, which helped..some), but gradually increased my animal food (fat) consumption.
-
I've been eating alot of local honeycomb all week as a little experiment. I havn't noticed much of any change despite it clearly shifting me over the 30g carb on a daily basis all week. Prior to that I've been trying some cooked starch on the weekends (cycling ketogenic), so I did that again tonight.
Today I ate
some pineapple
1 lb of buffalo sirloin tip with a mason jar of cut back-fat split into 2 meals with the honeycomb
then a third meal of 1.3 lbs mahi mahi with raw butter and more honeycomb
then late: one large Japanese yam from a local farm with sauerkraut, raw bok choy, and some sunflower sprouts with more raw butter.
I've got some symptoms from each, some mild sensations in ears and feet, but seems to be a dramatic improvement to before. I think I'm going to try eating the comb daily this week still, and then I might go back to strict VLC and then try more strict delineation again (weekends) to compare.
-
yesterday I had 1lb of liver, 1.75 drinks of gin&soda neat, got a little stoned for the first time ~ a decade, and had some crazy sex.
currently have a headache and eating some ancient skirt steak during a snowstorm.
-
Yesterday I ate 4 whole sardines (bones scales face and all) and had some crazy dreams. I spit some parts out that didn't break down in my mouth. The day before I had 6 lambs tongues. I posted some other recent stuff here:
http://www.rawpaleoforum.com/off-topic/what-are-you-eating-right-now/msg61315/#msg61315
My downstairs neighbors have split I guess and took their internet with em' so it looks like I will be on a nice forced break again (in the evenings). Feels nice already to focus on other stuff..wind down etc...
Things in general have been good. I feel happier than I can remember around this time of year. I weighed in at ~175 with clothes on the other day and am throwing up ridiculous weight at the gym. I've been taking a break from cf due to the weather and being unable to ride my bike, so perhaps the deficit of cardio is doing its thing in that regard. I've still been working cardio into my routines however.
I'm pretty happy with the few routines I devised here:
http://www.rawpaleoforum.com/exercisebodybuilding/today%27s-workout/msg61219/#msg61219
Diet has been varied in a good way and some minor cooked compromises with the opposite sex. So far always stuff I make myself or clear alcohol. I mentioned here that I ate quite a few carbs from honey as an experiment
http://www.rawpaleoforum.com/carnivorous-zero-carb-approach/how-many-carbs-to-un-keto-adapt/msg61326/#msg61326
I still don't have the answers to such things, and although I have had some negative symptoms from the sugars..its seems like I have made alot of improvement in that regard...if people are curious about such things.