Author Topic: young dude  (Read 3155 times)

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Offline kalo

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young dude
« on: August 11, 2015, 02:52:12 am »
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I was trying to be nice. I am making more of an effort to understand and hopefully help the many lonely, angry, mentally unstable young men who show up here.

Yes, really. You're clearly a young, lonely, and very angry dude. People like that don't get much respect in this culture, and a lot of people of that type show up here. Instead of banning them or watching them flame out, I figure it can't hurt to try to talk them out of their delusions and create a safe space for them. The problem is that, here, the inmates FAR outnumber the staff. LOL

I have two kids and am on my second marriage. I've lived in a foreign country and had three different careers. Not that any of that is particularly noteworthy, but I can tell you the typical member here is a never-married young white male, angry, highly intelligent, and not doing well financially or career-wise. You're all of those, and that was me 20 years ago.

Oddly, accurate. I'm a restless, white, unemployed, afraid to go to school, straight A's in high school male. Antibiotics screwed up my gut and destroyed my skin. Lacking a developed inner life, my ego was crushed and I ran away, to suffocate in my own sorrow and grief. That coping method left me with the real kind of pain. I met rock bottom.

However, the point of this post (and my life) is to develop an understanding of this life from that experience. First, I developed a spiritual life. For me that meant, learning to ask for help and to understand we are all weak- for we all die. Patience came next, as after 2 years of antibiotics and another of deep emotional turmoil, my body has not healed quickly. The value of family followed when I allowed myself to come home and spend many long hours with my grandpa. Next came eating all meat, then mostly raw meat, and I finally stopped have diarrhea. I try to eat plants to establish a healthy gut biota, but it is hard for my to handle most of them, and the pain makes me feel so depressed.

Life's next lesson came slowly. It is about the internal doctor. You see, I regularly have thoughts about getting tested for parasites, or hormones, or blood, or my gut microbiome but I now am afraid of all hospitals and doctors offices. And I have been tortured with those thoughts until I recently found the playful movements of Qigong.
I do not know how I stayed alive for this long without it. I finally found something to ground me: to do more than walk through the pain. As I purge the blocked energy, the empty places have started to fill with love. So I no longer crave help from "doctors" because my stomach, and my skin, and my body are not under my control. Instead I focus on my attitude and my acceptance of myself, which I certainly control. 

Yet in the visible world, I am still a "young white male, highly intelligent, and not doing well financially or career-wise" and I want to change that. Clearly, I am not alone and perhaps others have been here before.

Offline laterade

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Re: young dude
« Reply #1 on: August 11, 2015, 07:35:03 am »
Get into a career that pays well, move if necessary, work smart and hard. That will keep you from having so many depressing thoughts.

Sounds like you're already on the up and up. Keep going and you'll be fine, once you get on a good career path you'll feel much better. Patience is important but action becomes necessary as you find your direction. If you're not yet waking up early and meditating for a good amount of time: start.
« Last Edit: August 11, 2015, 01:12:07 pm by actup90 »

Offline ciervo-chaman

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Re: young dude
« Reply #2 on: August 11, 2015, 09:43:50 am »
thanks! feeling identified with that OP and your personal experience.

you are healing yourself, keep it up! the spiral never endS!


Offline eveheart

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Re: young dude
« Reply #3 on: August 11, 2015, 11:31:03 am »
No need to apologize for being young. It's pretty normal to be edging up on the end of your formal education and wonder what's on the horizon.

Not many young dudes have it all figured out. You might even head in a career direction that has to be changed later in life. I went back to graduate school when I was in my 50s and completely changed my career to something that makes less money, but shit I'm so happy every day, and I'm doing what I'm really talented at.

I'm old enough to be everybody's grandmother, and I can say for sure that life is long and hard, so learn how to cheer yourself on so that you can do hard stuff for a long time. You can borrow my motto: "Make it look easy!" Build a great reputation and the people you work for reward you with autonomy in your work, no bosses breathing down your neck.

Speak gently to yourself. Give yourself a few attaboys. Focus on what you have achieved. Congratulate yourself if you have never been arrested. And if you have been in jail, congratulate yourself for not being in jail again!

And find the humor in everything.
"I intend to live forever; so far, so good." -Steven Wright, comedian

Offline goodsamaritan

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Re: young dude
« Reply #4 on: August 11, 2015, 12:50:28 pm »
Be really good at something and you will always be in demand.  Keep trying.  You are lucky in your country you have welfare. In my country we don't have any.

I graduated during boom times. And i come from a top university. My classmates all had well planned careers. Companies were picking off our graduates before graduation.  Being an engineer, me and my classmates had plans in life.  Pretty boring and predictable as can be seen on Facebook, but our women appreciate the stability.

I chose to be with our family business and then be my own entrepreneur. I'm a self taught computer geek who has skills more than the common graduates, good enough for entrepreneurship here in my country. I like the freedom.
« Last Edit: August 11, 2015, 03:09:40 pm by goodsamaritan »
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Offline kalo

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Re: young dude
« Reply #5 on: August 11, 2015, 09:06:30 pm »
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Be really good at something and you will always be in demand.
"Make it look easy!"
the spiral never ends!
Get into a career that pays well, move if necessary, work smart and hard.
Thanks, I knew I'd get beneficial advice from everyone. Honestly these are all lessons I am already learning and trying to enforce. Especially making myself do things to keep my body and mind occupied and focused. Something I can now see is that I will always want to help other young people when their path gets bumpy. I am healing, I have support and I just need to conquer the fear and take action!
Much love everyone

 

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