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Fenrir's Journal

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Fenrir:
So today I'm going to give this a shot, I feel like this is a very cool thing the journals and I've been living this way for over a year now so maybe its time. I started my raw journey on June 8th of 2017 and though I was completely raw as far as meat went right from the start, I still was eating cooked vegetables every day for the first month or two. Since then I've been completely raw minus a few social occasions with my family, those occasions only totaling maybe 3 times in the past year when I've eaten a cooked food with the 3rd time being today for fathers day. We went to a steakhouse and I asked them if they could give the steak to me raw but they told me they had to at least mark it and so I agreed, but I honestly totally regret it I should have just stuck to a salad. whenever I eat cooked foods now even like the extremely rare still cold in the middle steak I had today I can just feel it sitting heavy in my intestines and I feel like it puts a damper on me for the rest of the day, it wasn't even good meat it was a super bland regular feedlot steak with little taste other than the singed parts of the outside.

As far as my regular diet goes I am very much predominately a meat eater, some days I don't eat vegetables at all but most days I do. The foods I fill my diet with mainly are beef goat and lamb muscle meats, beef back fat, liver, pancreas, heart, and thymus. I don't eat organs every day or really focus on making sure I eat them in any specific amount I just sort of eat them when I crave them, I do however make sure I'm eating extra fat even though sometimes it doesn't appeal to me.
In terms of vegetables I like leek leaves probably more than anything else, but I include regular onions, green onions, kale, spinach, chard, lettuce and two days ago I decided to give carrots a try. Raw carrots were one of my favorite foods on cooked paleo and even as a child on the SAD diet but I don't know how I feel about them now, I've eaten one carrot each of the last two days and I suppose I will continue for now, its hard to say what effect its caused as I made the cooked mishap this morning as well.

I do include seafood in my diet but its more of a rare thing I much prefer red meat, I feel its just much more satisfying. In terms of plant fats I've found since going raw most good plant fats don't really agree with me well, I eat avocados sometimes but every time I eat them I end up with undesirable results in my feces the next day, and coconuts last I attempted didn't land me in such a great spot either. I have however recently bought some cold pressed coconut oil and I've been using it a lot externally before spending brief periods in the sun throughout the day and it hasn't seemed to cause me any problems I can detect.

In terms of salt intake I don't have it every day but maybe once every week or two weeks I do get strong cravings for it and ill eat Celtic sea salt on my vegetables, I don't feel like its caused me any issues and it doesn't seem like an addiction its something that I'm able to satisfy for a good period of time by consuming it.

For maybe 4 months I was completely zero carb but after going so long I started to get an ache in my intestines and thats what spurred me to reintroduce plants, whenever I eat plants it completely cures the ache every time, I don't really look at plants as any real caloric sustenance but I think they seem important to good health in some quantity on a regular basis.


My life this past year has been going really well in general but there are ups and downs of course, Ive been working at Starbucks for a year and a half at this point and just started the online college plan that they offer last month, I'm only taking one class right now but I'm doing really well and am very excited to be back in school its been a few years since I graduated and I feel as though I'm very much working my way towards the place I want to be in my life. As of right now my goal is to do some manner of field work in biology I would really love to travel near or far and study plants and animals somewhere, I'm particularly interested in desert and jungle environments if I got to pick somewhere that really inspires me the most but I haven't really figured everything out yet.

Right now one of my biggest goals is to figure out my caffeine addiction, I do drink black coffee every day in somewhat above moderate amounts and I feel like long term I would feel much better without it, I feel I have a very strong emotional attachment to it in my life and it makes me wonder if I really even want to stop. I quit smoking cigarettes over two years ago, and I cut down on smoking marijuana almost entirely this whole past year and have been clean of it entirely for about 5 weeks, but I feel like for the longest time coffee was a friend I believed couldn't possibly be bad for me and with working at a coffee shop I'm very much exposed to it on a daily basis. I don't really know what the future will hold for it but its something on my mind.

More than anything I feel a strong need for emotional connection in my life but I struggle greatly to connect with people in my age group, I just lack any interest in most things that most people today concern themselves with and then I've got strange facets of my life including the whole raw diet and a few other manifestations and I never really have connected well with most people before all this, I do have friends and I have been growing closer with them in recent time but don't feel a connection on any incredible level yet, and I haven't been intimate with a girl in almost a year. Its not that I'm antisocial I'm outgoing I talk to people all day long at work, I have lots and lots of acquaintances, and I get numbers of people I'm sexually attracted to all the time, its just that none of it ever leads anywhere I just don't click with anyone. I know that I don't need anybody and really my primary goal is to find happiness on my own in a sustainable real tangible form, but I get lonely at the same time.

a_real_man:

--- Quote ---More than anything I feel a strong need for emotional connection in my life but I struggle greatly to connect with people in my age group, I just lack any interest in most things that most people today concern themselves with and then I've got strange facets of my life including the whole raw diet and a few other manifestations and I never really have connected well with most people before all this, I do have friends and I have been growing closer with them in recent time but don't feel a connection on any incredible level yet, and I haven't been intimate with a girl in almost a year. Its not that I'm antisocial I'm outgoing I talk to people all day long at work, I have lots and lots of acquaintances, and I get numbers of people I'm sexually attracted to all the time, its just that none of it ever leads anywhere I just don't click with anyone. I know that I don't need anybody and really my primary goal is to find happiness on my own in a sustainable real tangible form, but I get lonely at the same time.
--- End quote ---

Where do you live, my friend? If I could give my two cents on connecting with people, in my view it's a matter of motivation and commonalities. It's pretty straightforward to understand what I mean by commonalities. To explain motivation, take for instance successful salespeople. They manage to connect with people from all walks of life, on a variety of topics. They don't necessarily have these hobbies in common, but they succeed in connecting because they take a strong interest in what people are doing. In other words, what allows them connect with people is the strong motivation/interest to do so, financial in this case. As long as you don't have a genuine interest in connecting, you will have difficulty connecting. I know I have. Hope this helps.

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