Hi all,
I'm super embarrassed and feel so much like a loser. I hardly write in this forum any more because I am so depressed, I have no force any more and anyway there is nothing I can give to others, I have no answers, just questions, questions, questions.... I think about suicide all the time, it is just my daughter , I can not let her alone I think (not even sure if she wouldn't be better of without me).
My body is falling apart. It feels spooky. I lost almost all my muscle, my weight is sooo low I'm like a scarecrow. 38 kg, 1,65m, my veins on my legs and arms are sticking out, I look so sick. I was at the beach today, I did not dare to undress myself.
For a couple of years I'm more or less superthin and It was always a big problem for me but now something else is happening. I lose all my muscles, even in my face???
I was so often ill the last years, then I found out by myself that I'm apparently diabetic. I did not want to go on medications and tried to solve the problem myself.
I stopped more and more the carbs. Cut out all sugary, starchy food, even carrots,
Also I stopped eating meat and meat fat because I always was very very ill after some time eating it.
So I tried with lots of fish and seafood and low carb veggies. My blood glucose was ok but I lost even more substance. I did more and more fat to up my calories. (I do not digest fat well)
At the moment fatty fish, avocados, coconut and sometimes macadamianuts, that are my fat sources. Olive oil and coconut oil I try sometimes but it feels strange. Sometimes egg yolk but it seems to cause inflammation. To digest all this fat I take apple cider vinegar, sunflower lecithin, ginger, digestive enzymes and Creon, that's so ridiculous. After it I often have to take herbs and tinctures because I feel nauseous.
I take tonnes of other supplements and amino acids, also to calm me down and to help me sleep.
Since I started taking my blood glucose I'm even more scared of eating than I was before. Sometimes my glucose is superhigh just because I ate a kohlrabi or so with my meal. I eat almost no veggies any more, even to much onions and paprika give me spikes. But I love vegetables. I can not eat to much protein neither. Just avocados, coconut, I eat so much of it that I feel sick but I don't gain any weight or muscle mass.
My doc always tells me I have to eat glucose with protein to get stronger, sugar opens the cell for the protein, but sugar I can not do because of this diabetes condition, a ideology also told me I have pancreas insufficiency.
I don't now what to do with the situation any more, everything seems to be poisonous, even low carb veggies I can not enjoy any more. Low carb is very difficult without meat fat and butter and I doubt that it is very healthy. I also feel that I'm even more carb sensitive with all this fat in my body???
I feel so tired, I only want to live a simple and peaceful live, I want to know what to do to get out of this rollercoaster of sickness, blood sugar spikes, inflammation, nausea, depression, insomnia and underweight etc.
So negative what I wrote
but anyway something has to happen. This forum is the only place where I find people like me. Other elephants