This idea of mono/poly-gamy occupies my mind a lot recently. I am getting married this summer and it might be the reason why it kicks in now. Because, funny enough the closer it is to wedding date the more I am in touch with my raw male energy that includes approaching women I do not know, flirting, physical contact, taking risks, wanting to show off with my good qualities and impress women I am attracted to but do not know yet very well.
All of this was in the state of sleep before and it kicks in in this very moment. I know this might be a part of fear of commitment- I think everyone have it and need to deal with it. But on the other hand I do not find my emerging desires unhealthy or unwelcome. It is good to feel all of this, regardless of what voice of my culture and my own superego has to say about it. And in my own mind it is nothing untruthful and bad too. Because the interesting thing is that my love to my fiancee is at its peak right now. It is my consciouss decision to marry her and existence this desires to flirt with other women does not mean that I do not love her or I got tired with her or anything else. I know it is how she would think when she happened to know about it (she does not) and she would feel hurt and let down and unloved. But the fact is: in my male eyes I do love her and respect her and appreciate her and still long for sexual contact with other women.
And I am in really fucked up situation about it because:
1) I cant even bring it up with her because even discussing about it would hurt her and could spoil our bond together
2) I cant just act my impulses out freely - it would be cheating - it is too stresfull for me, and I have too much respect for her to risk the possibility of her embarassment disapointment.
3) I can pretend everything is ok and give up this part of myself as I was doind my whole life, but hey it is a vital part of me that is real and very important. Maybe someone suggests that I should work on bringing back the fire between us, into the relationship. But I think it is not possible - 10year old relationship has different kind of "fire" - we still have great intimacy and sexual relationship but it is definately not the same thing that I described in first part of this post.
So i start to wonder..is it me or has our culture gone astray in regards to our sexuality at some point? And it it is the case, what is ideal model? Because giving up marriange or lifetime relationships do not seem to work very well as we can see in swingers communities.
HOW MONOGAMY REALLY WORKS... hard truth.Healthy men have abundant sex drive to go around. (you are raw paleo so you will have abundant sex drive until you die of old age)
You are normal. Your thoughts are normal.
I will give you a tip on how monogamous marriages really work in the 21st century and has so in the past 20th century:
1. Man really loves his wife. Wife (#1 wife material woman) really loves husband.
2. Wife initiates sperm wars before marriage and during marriage... see chick flick (movie) "Love Affair" 1994. Women like being DISCREET. Males like you must defend yourself by ensuring all the children she gives birth to are yours by DNA / Paternity Tests. If a child is not yours, you let your entire clan know woman has cheated your ENTIRE CLAN. Child is not your child, child is not their nephew, child is not their grandchild.
3. Man realizes wife does not match his continuous sex drive. Women do not like sex when it is menstruation related, when they are sick, when they are pregnant, when they have just given birth, when they don't want additional children.
So man resorts to mistresses (you have a child with her), f*ck buddies, prostitutes (now called escort services, massage parlor attendants, KTV girls, etc.)
The trick here is that the ideal monogamous man knows his #1 love and commitment of time, money, effort is his #1 wife. And the ideal monogamous man is DISCREET about all this. He does not advertise to his #1 love that he "gets it off" of other women. So make sure you have extra money for yourself, do not surrender all your money to your #1 wife, you have your own money for your sex budget... all the while still keeping your commitment to your #1 wife and #1 wife's children.
The #2 and #3 women / mistresses are totally attracted to monogamous discreet males like you. They absolutely adore / love that you are happily married, that you are ENDORSED by a #1 woman. They just want a piece of your time and your sperm for their child. They don't ask much like your #1 woman. If they want to be #1 you need to drop them. So do not give your complete identity and complete contact numbers to these women so they don't go crazy and call your #1 wife. You don't want that.
You can give a copy of the book ETIQUETTES for MISTRESSES by Julie Yap Daza to your mistresses so they know their place.
This is what I can say a template of how monogamous marriages / societies really work to balance out the sexual needs of people.
As you can see the women all just want a piece of you. They don't want to be around you all the time. If you stick like a lizard to a woman she will feel choked to death, not able to breath, women need space, they don't want a man to be there 100% of the time. It is this realization in ISLAM monogamy that a good number of wives is 3 to 4 wives per good man. If you talk with islamic women, they are happy with this arrangement and they like this arrangement. Same with FLDS women... see reality show "sister wives."
The bottom line is you man --- make lots of money --- much much money --- and no wife will complain. It is only when man lacks money that women complain. So make sure you make lots of money.
We raw paleo dieters need to get together and do international trade.