Author Topic: Give us a laugh !  (Read 244268 times)

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Offline eveheart

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Re: Give us a laugh !
« Reply #200 on: January 28, 2014, 12:18:04 am »
I live in Silicon Valley, home to a disproportionate population of nerds and computer geeks. I guess we need special, secret ways of "signaling" our presence to each other. This joke on a t-shirt did it for me... I had a lovely nerd waiting-room conversation with the wearer.
"I intend to live forever; so far, so good." -Steven Wright, comedian

Offline blake

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Re: Give us a laugh !
« Reply #201 on: February 03, 2014, 03:50:09 pm »
Random, but always thought this was such a funny video clip. It's called the "Argument clinic"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XNkjDuSVXiE

Offline blake

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Re: Give us a laugh !
« Reply #202 on: February 03, 2014, 03:59:12 pm »
Bob Newhart is psycho therapist employing a special kind of therapy on his patient. Pretty hilarious!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ow0lr63y4Mw

Offline TylerDurden

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“When a population becomes distracted by trivia, when cultural life is redefined as a perpetual round of entertainments, when serious public conversation becomes a form of baby-talk, when, in short, a people become an audience and their public business a vaudeville act, then a nation finds itself at risk; a culture-death is a clear possibility.” — Professor Neil Postman, Amusing Ourselves to Death: Discourse in the Age of Show Business

Offline Iguana

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Re: Give us a laugh !
« Reply #204 on: March 09, 2014, 01:11:32 am »
Quote
Now the couple have decided to part, Mr Hawken will walk away with just £1million, but says it will be enough for him. On a recent trip to China, Mr Hawken said his wife took him on a yacht and treated him to a, but he prefers his local Wetherspoon pub.

He added: 'I have got a settlement which is not great, but it's enough for me because I don't have an extravagant lifestyle. I won't have to work if I'm careful. I'm getting a pittance when you consider her potential wealth, but I don't really want to fight it.'

I think he’s very wise. It’s not worth to fight for money when you have £1million. That would be enough for me too! He could have asked at least 2 millions, but what’s the point? The more money and expensive belongings you have, the more you worry about it. I prefer used jeans to designer’s clothes and I don’t care to drink wine worth £900 a bottle like stupid snobs who do that without knowing anything about wine.  ;D
« Last Edit: March 13, 2014, 05:10:46 am by TylerDurden »
Cause and effect are distant in time and space in complex systems, while at the same time there’s a tendency to look for causes near the events sought to be explained. Time delays in feedback in systems result in the condition where the long-run response of a system to an action is often different from its short-run response. — Ronald J. Ziegler

Offline raw-al

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Re: Give us a laugh !
« Reply #205 on: March 09, 2014, 04:24:35 am »
I think he’s very wise. It’s not worth to fight for money when you have £1million. That would be enough for me too! He could have asked at least 2 millions, but what’s the point? The more money and expensive belongings you have, the more you worry about it. I prefer used jeans to designer’s cloths and I don’t care to drink wine worth £900 a bottle like stupid snobs who do that without knowing anything about wine.  ;D

You are absolutely right IMO. The more you have, the more you worry about it. You buy plenty of useless things, which you then have to protect, hide.

BTW, this is not sour grapes and it is useful to have money, but 1.7 million is plenty.

Good for him!

Compare that to the one who divorced P. MacCartney... 40 million.
Cheers
Al

Offline raw-al

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Re: Give us a laugh !
« Reply #206 on: March 13, 2014, 04:54:05 am »
Got this in an email forward: YMMV


Yes, our grandmothers still had genuine knowledge of staying naturally healthy!!!
My granny lectured me about her practical knowledge:

“For better digestion, I drink beer, for loss of appetite I drink white wine,
with low blood pressure red wine, with high blood pressure cognac,
and whenever I have a cold, I drink Vodka.”

“And when do you drink water?”
“I have never been that sick!”
Cheers
Al

Offline sabertooth

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Re: Give us a laugh !
« Reply #207 on: March 15, 2014, 11:03:37 am »
A man who makes a beast of himself, forgets the pain of being a man.

Offline eveheart

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Re: Give us a laugh !
« Reply #208 on: March 16, 2014, 04:03:15 am »
If you see someone drowning, LAUGH OUT LOUD!
"I intend to live forever; so far, so good." -Steven Wright, comedian

Offline raw-al

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Re: Give us a laugh !
« Reply #209 on: March 16, 2014, 04:41:57 am »
Excellent ST & Eve !
Cheers
Al

Offline LePatron7

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Re: Give us a laugh !
« Reply #210 on: March 16, 2014, 06:40:54 am »
"The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people so full of doubts." - Bertrand Russell

I suppose it is tempting, if the only tool you have is a hammer, to treat everything as if it were a nail.

Nocebo Effect - a detrimental effect on health produced by psychological or psychosomatic factors such as negative expectations of treatment or prognosis

Med free since 03/21/2014

Offline eveheart

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Re: Give us a laugh !
« Reply #211 on: March 24, 2014, 10:56:52 am »
New element discovered!
"I intend to live forever; so far, so good." -Steven Wright, comedian

Offline raw-al

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Re: Give us a laugh !
« Reply #212 on: May 01, 2014, 04:26:34 am »
h
Cheers
Al

Offline CatTreats

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Re: Give us a laugh !
« Reply #213 on: May 01, 2014, 05:16:02 am »
In its purest, unaltered form, healthy food is delicious.

Offline goodsamaritan

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Husband creates SPREADSHEET of wife's excuses for refusing to have sex with him

http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/weird-news/husband-creates-spreadsheet-wifes-excuses-3889683#ixzz38Ld1L3PK
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So his wife had sex with him 3 times in 2 months.

From my point of view, he's had more success with his wife than I did mine.

My wife refused sex for 9 years!

And on the day we did have sex, after sex, on the way out of the motel, she made it clear that that sex act was good for 1 year!
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Offline jessica

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Re: Give us a laugh !
« Reply #215 on: July 25, 2014, 10:22:29 am »
GS what does your wife eat?  Does she have high levels of responsibility?  Does she have time for herself?

Offline goodsamaritan

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Re: Give us a laugh !
« Reply #216 on: July 25, 2014, 10:59:01 am »
Sent you PM with juicy details.
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Offline eveheart

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Re: Give us a laugh !
« Reply #217 on: September 20, 2014, 08:17:50 am »
.
"I intend to live forever; so far, so good." -Steven Wright, comedian

Offline raw-al

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Re: Give us a laugh !
« Reply #218 on: September 26, 2014, 09:25:19 am »
excellent EH
Cheers
Al

Offline eveheart

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Re: Give us a laugh !
« Reply #219 on: October 16, 2014, 01:37:52 pm »
.
"I intend to live forever; so far, so good." -Steven Wright, comedian

Offline TylerDurden

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Re: Give us a laugh !
« Reply #220 on: October 16, 2014, 04:54:32 pm »
Yes, I have always suspected that intelligence does not necessarily equal survival. There is a wonderful science fiction story called "Swarm" by Bruce Sterling which focuses on that point.
“When a population becomes distracted by trivia, when cultural life is redefined as a perpetual round of entertainments, when serious public conversation becomes a form of baby-talk, when, in short, a people become an audience and their public business a vaudeville act, then a nation finds itself at risk; a culture-death is a clear possibility.” — Professor Neil Postman, Amusing Ourselves to Death: Discourse in the Age of Show Business

Offline nummi

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Re: Give us a laugh !
« Reply #221 on: October 16, 2014, 05:41:23 pm »
Yes, I have always suspected that intelligence does not necessarily equal survival. There is a wonderful science fiction story called "Swarm" by Bruce Sterling which focuses on that point.
A brain does not equal intelligence. Plenty of examples among humanity.
A swarm mind - a collective mind - can be intelligent while each individual of the swarm alone might not be.
Furthermore, intelligence is not limited only to our physical world. It is literally possible to have a physical body but it's intelligence in another plane (like a swarm mind), connected to the physical body in some ways, as in fact it is with humans as well. Humans also have a collective (un)consciousness, but it can be accessed and used if you know how.
There isn't even enough information in DNA alone to warrant the development of a new organism. And whatever it is behind actual development has to have one damn intelligent aspect.
Intelligence also does not require the presence of consciousness nor awareness.

And intelligence essentially does equal survival, as intelligence in its core equals "the right choices". Cannot survive without "making" the right choices. But survival does not require consciousness nor awareness, not our kind at least.

Offline Iguana

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Life is bad in Western countries…
« Reply #222 on: November 07, 2014, 07:06:28 pm »
http://englishrussia.com/2014/11/06/life-is-bad-in-western-countries/

Life is bad in Western countries…

… that’s why Russia uses tanks to save its Ukrainian friends to be dragged in the western misery. ROFL! See the 3 pages of photos. 

I added a comment:
Typical Russian humor, Soviet style! Outstandingly funny, great, it made my day! Thanks, English Russia, you are one my favorite websites.
Cause and effect are distant in time and space in complex systems, while at the same time there’s a tendency to look for causes near the events sought to be explained. Time delays in feedback in systems result in the condition where the long-run response of a system to an action is often different from its short-run response. — Ronald J. Ziegler

Offline Brad462

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Re: Give us a laugh !
« Reply #223 on: November 08, 2014, 08:56:30 am »
why do Germans love Americans? because Americans are the most hated people in the world now.                             2. What do sex in a canoe and American beer have in common? They’re both fucking close to water.            3. If someone who speaks two languages is bilingual, and someone who speaks many languages is multilingual, then what do you call someone who speaks one language? An American                                                                     http://thoughtcatalog.com/christine-stockton/2014/07/10-great-jokes-about-americans/.   
« Last Edit: November 08, 2014, 09:04:13 am by Brad462 »
I'm actually a really nice guy, once you get to blow me.

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Offline raw-al

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Re: Give us a laugh !
« Reply #224 on: November 08, 2014, 10:56:36 am »
(Canucks have an inferiority complex whether they admit it or not... except with beer)
Q: Who would win in a fight between Celine Dion and Shania Twain? A: We all would!
Q: What are the 2 seasons in Canada? A: WINTER AND JULY!
Q: How do Canadian Environmental groups plan on using Hilary Clinton to stop the spread of Asian carp into the Great Lakes? A: By having her go Skinny Dipping in Lake Michigan
Q: Why is the late Corey Haim going to be buried in his native Canada? A: The USA and Canada held a coin toss and Canada lost!
Q: Why did Leandro Barbosa choose to play for the Toronto Raptors? A: Because they have much better pot in Canada!
Q: Why does Celine Dion want to purchase the Montreal Canadiens? A: Because she wants to ruin more than just music!
Q: Why is President Obama contacting the Prime Minister of Canada about the failed economy? A: To find out how Canadians live off of less!
Q: What was the original title for "Canadian Idol"? A: "The Worlds Biggest Hoser"
Q: Why did Bill Clinton choose Canada as the site for his summit with Yeltsin? A: So he could look up some college buddies who moved up there during the war. Q: What is the difference between a Canadian and a canoe? A: A canoe tips.
Q: Whats the difference between a Canadian and a unicorn? A: Nothing, theyre both fictional characters
Q: How was copper wire invented? A: Two Canadians were fighting over a penny.
Q: Why don't Canadian women wear sleeveless dresses? A: They aren't allowed to bare arms
Q: What does Premier Wynne and Mayor Rob Ford have in common? A: They both have more than enough to eat at home.
Q: How do you know Adam was a Canadian? A: Who else could stand beside a naked woman and be tempted by a fruit?
Q: Why are the obese angry at the Supreme Court of Canada for giving them extra seats when they fly Air Canada or WestJet? A: Because they wanted extra meals!
Q: Why is George W Bush considering moving to Canada? A: Because his penis size will increase from 6 inches to 15.24 centimeters!
A Canadian Doctor, gives you an annual check-up. What does he does he do first? He body checks you!
S1: Rush Limbaugh said he'll move to Canada if the Health Care overhaul passes congress!
S2: Upon hearing Rush's intentions Canada immediately countered by banning oxycontin!
Q: Did you hear about the war between Newfoundland and Nova Scotia? A: The Newfies were lobbing hand grenades; the Nova Scotians were pulling the pins and throwing them back.
Q: What do you call a sophisticated American? A: Canadian.
Q: What's the difference between an American and a Canadian? A: An Canadian not only has a sense of humour but can also spell it.
Q: What do urine samples and Canadian beer have in common? A: The taste!
Cheers
Al

 

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